DYSTOPIA 12!!!!

~ The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, it's a beautiful, Florida day in the yard. You know what that means boys and girls. You've wanted it. You NEEDED it, especially The Lost Soul, who loves updates. It's time for the long anticipated return of Outsiders Championship Wrestling: Dystopia!!! The yard looks amazing as the lawn is mowed, and the bushes are trimmed. Covid has not ruined the luster of the yard. Every seat is filled and so are the bleachers. The Yardies are excited to see all the action that only Outsider's can bring! These fans have been through all the testing and quarantine procedures just so they can be here. Behind the bleachers are a few rows of port-o-potties for obvious reasons.


The Mariachi Band is playing a mariachi version of "Stupid Love" by Lady Gaga and it's actually pretty good. The community coolers are filled with Labatt Blue Beer and Budweiser. No more Pabst Blue Ribbon here. We look towards the main house and see that a ramp has been built leading to the back door, which has a curtain draped over it. On either side of the ramps are speakers. Several feet away from the speakers are grills being manned by Emilio at one and The Eastern European at the other, flipping the meat and collecting the money. Fans are getting burgers and hot dogs and sausages. Condiment tables are next to the grills. We take care of our fans.

Off to one side of the ring is a refrigerator box that is acting as the announcer table. I guess Zybala wanted a sense of nostalgia for the show. Sitting at the "table" is our trusty commentary team of Mike Zybala and Dean! They are absolutely beaming with happiness. They have the headsets and microphones at the ready and Zybala has the laptop for the entrance themes next to him. ~



Zybala: Ladies and gentlemen in attendance, and those watching at home, welcome back to The Yard!! I'm Mike Zybala and besides me as always, The Original Outsider, President Dean!


Dean: It's great to be fucking back, sucka! The Corona may have put things on hold, but you can't get rid of Outsiders!! We got two matches for you suckas tonight! Both are tourney matches to find Uber-Man a new number one contender.

Zybala: Plus finding holders for the vacant X-Factor and Untied X-Division titles.


~ Fireworks suddenly go off throughout the yard, despite the fact that it's day time and bright out. The fans don't care. They hoot and holler and cheer at the display of Fourth of July level sky bursters. The Mariachi Band stops playing as the speakers come alive with the Europe version of "Final Countdown." The cheers get louder as Online Championship Wrestling ring announcer extraordinaire Belvedere steps out from behind the curtain! He looks as dapper as ever as he walks down the lawn and enters the ring. The music fades out as Belvedere raises the microphone, but is cut off by the Yardies chanting "BEL-VE-DERE!! BEL-VE-DERE!" He smiles at the show of love. The chanting dies out
after a few moments and Belvedere does what he does best…. ~



Belvedere: Ladies and gentlemen!! Welcome to Outsiders Championship Wrestling: DYSTOPIA!! Allow me to introduce Outsiders' head referee; Mitch!!



~ "Because I Got High" by Afro-Man hits the speakers as Mitch walks out from behind the curtain and makes his way down to the ring. The fans cheer as Mitch enters the ring, reaches into his pocket, pulls out a lighter and blunt, and sparks it up. Belvedere gives a mild look of annoyance, but he is a professional and he has a job to do. The music dies down as Belvedere raises the microphone and here we go……. ~



Belvedere: The following match is scheduled for one fall!


Yardies: ONE FALL!


Belvedere: Coming to the ring first….Hailing from Mount Olympus…. Weighing in at "a number mortals cannot comprehend"....This is ZEUS!!

~ Zybala types away at the laptop and a YouTube ad can be heard over the speakers. The fans laugh and cheer. Finally "Enter Sandman by Metallica" starts to play. Thunder sounds. Lightning Strikes! Sure, this isn't the proper order but, this is the Yard. Nothing makes sense. Zeus emerges, his head held high. He is quickly joined by Hades. They try to stand shoulder to shoulder, which is difficult on the narrow ramp. Hades falls off and lands on the grass as Zeus starts heading towards the ring. Hades quickly follows, acting as if nothing happened.climbs the steps. Zeus climbs in the ring, followed by his brother. The fans, already getting a good buzz on from the free communal beer, start a loud "Zeus!" chant. Zeus finds a nearby corner and ascends, holding his arms out to soak in the "worship." Hades drops to the mat and wiggles around, sticking his tongue out, trying to roll his eyes into the back of the head (only half achieved). Zeus hops down to the mat as Hades rolls out of the ring. Metallica stops playing and Belvedere continues. ~


Belvedere: And his opponent... standing 5'7" and weighing in at 202 lbs... from Parts Unknown... here is Prude!!!


~ "Dangerous" from Within Temptation begins to play, as smoke billows out, surrounding the entranceway. The fans boo as Prude appears through the curtains. He tries to pose at the top of the ramp but they are having none of this non-promo making phoney. Prude walks down to the ring and tries to high five the fans, but they just pull back. Prude looks a bit sad at this. ~


Dean: Ain't nobody liking this fake ass sucka right here.

Zybala: People may dislike Barrows, but they loved his alter ego, Pryde. The fans see Prude as an insult and a pale imitation.


~ Prude gets in the ring as Belvedere exits. The music stops as Mitch checks both wrestlers and calls for the bell, starting the match. Zeus looks at Prude with disdain. He thinks this mortal is beneath his godly stature. Prude ignores the look and goes to lock up with Zeus, who refuses. Prude is taken aback, but decides to raise a hand in the air, demanding a test of strength. Zeus grins and obliges, thinking he'll obviously best this mortal. The two lock hands and struggle against each other. The fans boo as Prude gets the upper hand and starts pushing Zeus back. Hades is absolutely shocked that his brother is being bested. Hades starts a "Zeus" chant to encourage his brother; a chant the fans take up. Zeus rallys a little bit as he shoves back against Prude. Prude is forced back a step before he lifts a foot and stamps hard on Zeus's foot! Zeus cries out in pain as he releases Prude's hands and limps over to lean on the ropes. ~


Zybala: Dirty tactics from a dirty copy.

Dean: A copy that's not done attacking.


~ Prude runs at Zeus and clotheslines the "god" over the top rope! Zeus falls to the grass as Hades rushes over to check on his brother. Mitch starts a slow 10 count as Zeus is helped to his feet by Hades. Prude grabs the top rope and uses it to propel himself over the top rope! Zeus sees the attack coming and tries to push Hades out of the way, at the same time Hades tries to push Zeus! They fumble with each other causing both brothers to awkwardly just standing there weakly shoving each other. Prude crashes into them, sending all three men to fall on the grass. Prude rolls off of the brothers and pushes himself up off the ground when he cries out in pain! He looks at his hand, then at the ground. He spots a large patch of crabgrass!! Prude turns and glares at Zybala. ~


Prude: (In a pale imitation of Jon Barrows's voice) Mow your fucking lawn!

Zybala: I did! I must have missed a spot!

Dean: (leans in close and places a hand over the microphone, but not Zybala's) Did you really forget?

Zybala: And lose a match hazard that is a natural weapon? I didn't forget shit.


~ Prude continues to glare at Zybala, and doesn't notice that Zeus is getting to his feet behind him! The fans cheer as Zeus kicks Prude's legs out from under him, making Prude land butt first on the crabgrass! Prude yelps in pain as he quickly gets up, gingerly brushing off his backside. He turns towards a laughing, smug looking Zeus and kicks him in the gut. Zeus doubles over and Prude quickly grabs him and lifts him up with a suplex. The fake Pryde drops the fake god back first onto the crabgrass, which causes Zeus to scream in agony! His flesh is still a bit tender from his tanning mishap. Mitch finally reached the count of 8 by this time. Prude picks up Zeus and rolls him in the ring. Prude quickly climbs up to the apron and continues to the nearest top turnbuckle. He looks at Zeus, waiting for his opponent to get to his feet. ~


Zybala: Prude seems like he wants to further rip off the GCWA boss. He's looking for Pryde Cometh Before the Fall!

Dean: Copy or not, if this sucka hits it, this match is over, along with Zeus's tourney hopes.


~ Zeus slowly stands up and turns towards Prude. When he does, Prude flips off the ropes, and Zeus side steps Prude! Prude lands hard on his ass as he hits the mat. Zeus quickly hops on Prude and goes for the cover, but Prude pushes him off before Mitch can even move. Prude clutches at his ass in pain as Zeus scrambles to his feet. He raises his scrawny arm high and stares hard at Prude, who slowly gets to his feet. When Prude turns to face Zeus, the god screams "Lightning Bolt!" and chops his opponent's chest. It does…. something. Prude is hurt a little, but the crabgrass hurt him more than this. Zeus chops him again, and Prude is now getting more annoyed than hurt. Zeus tries a third Lighting Bolt and Prude grabs his hand. Prude grabs Zeus by the head and puts it between his legs. Zeus, not comfortable with another man's Cash and Prizes resting on the back of his head, quickly falls to the mat and crawls between Prude's legs. Zeus stands up, spins Prude around and nails him with Thunder (a generic body slam)!! Zeus covers his opponent and Mitch makes the count! ~


Mitch: One……...Two……...THREE!!


~ The cow bell rings as Zeus jumps to his feet and starts celebrating. The fans cheer as Hades crawls in the ring to celebrate with his brother. Prude rolls out of the ring and up the ramp, looking sad and disappointed. The brothers leave the ring, still celebrating and head back to the house. Intermission is called and fans get up for a food and bathroom break. We cut to a commercial for a repeat airing of Heat Wave. That's all we get because nobody sent in a segment.

We cut back to the yard to see fans their way back to their seats from the port-o-potties and the nearby grills manned by Emilio and The Eastern European. With bladders emptied and food and drinks in hand, The Yardies wait for the main event. They cheer as Belvedere and Mitch get back into the ring and Belvedere raises the microphone. ~


Belvedere: The following match is scheduled for one fall…

Yardies: ONE FALL!

Belvedere: And it is your main event of the evening! Coming to the ring first, accompanied by Memphis Belle, he is The Spruce Goose!!


~ "Stars and Stripes Forever" starts playing over the speakers and the fans cheer as The Patriots (not the evil New England team) make their way into The Yard. Memphis Belle is taking selfies with the fans as The Spruce Goose high five people. This is Florida after all. This is 'Merica! Country. These two are loved by the Yardies. They enter the ring as the music stops and Belvedere continues. . ~


Belvedere: And his opponent.. accompanied by Lord Allton… He stands at 5 foot 6 inches and weighs in tonight at 150 pounds! He is The "UNDEFEATED" BAAAAAARRY BAAAAAARRRRROOOOOWWS!!

~ "Oh Yeah!" by Green Day begins to play, Barry steps out from behind the curtain with his arms raised. The Yardies explode with cheers and start chanting "BAAAR-RY!! BAAAR-RY!" Goldberg style. Even The Yardies love this man. Lord Allton rolls out behind Barry, but the people still cheer. The love they have for this phenomenon can't be tarnished by anyone! ~


Zybala: The Undefeated One makes his first appearance in The Yard! Nobody has been able to pin or submit Barry since his debut.

Dean: Can the sucka continue the streak of will The Spruce Goose be able to knock off one of the tournament favorites?

Zybala: S.G. needs to keep his head on a swivel. Don't let the wheelchair fool you. Lord Allton is still one of the craftiest people in the business.

Dean: True dat. The Lord of Danish is as sneaky as they come and only cares about one thing; The A-List winning. The sucka is only scarier when he brings out the clown…



~ Barry makes his way to the ring, looking confident. He enters the ring carefully, but is able to step through without injury. He smiles and climbs the turnbuckle, only getting up one rung before deciding that's enough and raising a shaking hand in the air. The Green Day song stops as Barry. We can hear Zybala make a noise of disappointment as Allton parks his wheelchair over the crabgrass. Belvedere leaves the ring and Mitch calls for the cowbell. The match is underway. Barry approaches Spruce Goose with his arms raised. Goose nods and comes in, locking up with Barry. They struggle against each other for a hit before Goose starts to push Barry back towards the ropes, getting him into the corner. Mitch starts his count, and Zybala breaks the hold, stepping back with a cocky smile. Barry nods to him and comes out of the corner, going for the lock-up again. This time, Barry has the upper hand and pushes Goose back. They get back to the ropes, with Barry whipping Goose over to the other side. S.G. rebounds and comes back, with Barry catching him with a hip toss! The Spruce Goose goes down as Allton and the crowd cheer for Barry. Memphis Belle urges Goose to get to his feet which he quickly does. It was only a hip toss after all. Barry goes to lock up a third time, but Goose ducks under Barry's arms and gets behind him. Goose grabs Barry around the waist, lifts him up and brings him to the mat. Goose scrambles and quickly gets Barry in a headlock. ~


Zybala: Some good back and forth so far.

Dean: The Goose sucka showing some amateur wrestling background with that take down.

Zybala: Did he wrestle in college?

Dean: Fuck if I know. Sucka never made a profile…


~ Barry struggles to get out of the hold, but Spruce has it cinched in tight. Mitch is there to make sure that the headlock isn't really an illegal choke, and gives the thumbs up. But as Mitch starts to stand up, Spruce releases Barry and asks the ref if that was "a marijuana" he smelled. Mitch grins and nods. Spruce then starts to school Mitch about the danger of drugs and how they are against The American Way. While this lecture is going on, Barry sneaks up behind Goose and hits him with the Surprise Roll-Up. Mitch drops and makes the count! ~


Mitch: One……….Two……..ThreeNooo!


~ Somewhere, The Lost Soul is cheering the count. Spruce Goose kicks out and looks conflicted. He knows that he's in a match, but the youth of America is at stake in the war against drugs! Barry makes the decision for him as he clubs the now standing Goose with a forearm to the back. Goose turns to face Barry, but The Undefeated One doesn't stop his attack. He keeps hitting Goose with forearm after forearm, driving him backwards into the ropes. Barry whips Goose into the opposite ropes. Goose springs back and tackles Barry to the ground. The two wrestlers fall to the mat and Spruce makes the cover! ~


Mitch: One…… Two……


~ Barry kicks out with all the strength he can muster and pushes Spruce Goose away from him. Mitch rolls over to the nearest corner, sits up leaning against the bottom turnbuckle, lights another blunt, and watches the match unfold like a lazy piece of shit. Both wrestlers are back to their feet and start trading blows. Barry drives Goose towards the ropes again.
Goose manages to give Barry a hard shove to get some distance. Barry stumbles backwards and Spruce Goose tries to move but he can't! He turns and sees that Lord Allton has reached up from his wheelchair and grabbed Goose's ankle! Memphis Belle runs over and starts yelling at Allton as Goose gets his ankle free. Belle storms over and starts yelling at Allton about his cheating. Allton releases Goose's ankle and he and Belle start yelling back and forth. Barry tries the Surprise Roll-Up again, but Spruce Goose turns around to see B Double bent over and grabs his head. He puts Barry's head between his legs and Goose calls for an "American Destroyer!" The fans give a small pop in anticipation. Spruce is about to flip but stops to think. Did he, a Patriot, just shout American Destroyer?! He rolls out of the ring and starts having a mental breakdown. Allton grins evilly and starts offering British citizenship to the Spruce Goose since he "wants to destroy America." ~


Zybala: Allton is playing devil's advocate right now.

Dean: Spruce will probably smack that sucka



~ Spruce Goose doesn't hit Allton. Instead, he runs out of the yard, screaming about having to apologize to the American Flag. Memphis Belle chases after him, trying to convince him to get back in the ring, but Goose is too far gone. Mitch, still laying in the corner, has been counting this whole time and shouts "TEN!" He calls for the bell as the fans boo. Barry looks completely confused until Lord Allton tells him that he won! "Oh Yeah" hits the speakers as Barry starts to celebrate! ~


Belvedere: Here is your winner and still undefeated, BARRY!!


Zybala: Well, that's the first time I've seen a person win because of questioned patriotism. That's another Dystopia in the books.

Dean: We'll catch all ya Suckas next time. I'm President Dean and he is Mike Zybala.

Zybala: Until next time Yardies, Good Fight, Good Night.