Post by zybala on Jan 28, 2021 14:27:56 GMT -6
: Gangland violence! That's where we last saw our hero. Future GCWA North American champion MikeZybala was stuck in the middle between the gangs of The Breakers and a bunch of wanna be Cobra Kai rip offs. Both wanting to get their hands on him for different reasons. The Breakers for disrespecting their traditions. The Cobras wanted him for some mysterious Sensai. Both sides after him and willing to fight each other to get him. A Cobra nears Zybala and goes for a wild, sloppy roundhouse kick. Zybala ducks and the foot connects with a random Breaker who was trying to attack Zybala from behind. The Breaker falls and Zybala punches the Cobra in the side of the knee, causing him to drop in pain. Zybala barely has enough time to dodge as another Breaker tries to whip him with a beer funnel. Zybala grabs the cone part and rips it away. He tosses it to the side and shoves the Breaker away.
Zybala then gets back in the pickup, planning a smart retreat. He closes the door and turns the key. Unlike in horror movies, the truck turns on and Zybala revs the engine. Several people notice this and start to circle the truck. Zybala slowly inches the vehicle forward, trying to nudge people out of the way and not get a vehicle assault charge. We cut to a Cobra who is avoiding the action and talking on a cellphone. :
Cobra: We found him Sensai!..... Sorry, I mean Detective……. I don't know, I don't live in this shithole city…… Are you sure?..... Ok, I'll try….
: As Zybala continues to inch forward, the Cobra with the phone walks up to the pickup and gently knocks on the window. Confused and curious, Zybala rolls it down a little bit. :
Zybala: Yes???
Cobra: Hey, I know we're trying to kidnap you and stuff, but can you help me? I'm not from around here. Can you please tell me what streets we're on?
Zybala: Oh sure. We're on Eagle Street, near Main Street.
Cobra: Oh wow. Thank you! Did you hear that Sens….Detective?.... Awesome….. See you soon!
: The Cobra hangs up the phone as Zybala looks shocked and angered! :
Zybala: How dare you take advantage of my Buffalonian hospitable nature!!
: With that, Zybala revs the engine, which startles the people around him. They back away, thinking that Zybala will run them down. Zybala takes advantage of the gap and drives off. He starts to leave the people behind him as he navigates the city streets. Zybala barely puts two blocks behind him when he is T-boned by another vehicle! Lucky for him, Zybala always wears his seatbelt. He's jostled around, but relatively okay. As he starts to exit the pickup, he hears the caw of a raven and someone screaming "CUNT!" over and over. Zybala grabs his baseball bat as he looks over at the vehicle that hit him and sees the driver door start to open. He doesn't wait to see who exits as he runs away from the accident. Hunted men don't wait to exchange insurance information.
Zybala runs into a nearby closed AMC theater. He smashes the glass on the door and carefully makes his way into the building. The lobby is barely lit from lights behind posters and from the street lights outside as Zybala pulls out a small flashlight from his pocket. He turns it on and looks around. From what he can see from the small beam, he is alone. He creeps through the theater as quietly as possible so he doesn't attract attention. He walks past several theater doors before entering one. Zybala takes a look around, his eyes getting somewhat adjusted to the darkness, before walking down the aisle. Zybala makes his way to roughly the middle row of seats and ducks down on the floor, thinking this is a good hiding spot.
As time passes, Zybala tries to think of an escape plan and a way to get back to his truck. He NEEDS those tables to put Warstein through. Also he needs to pee, which always seems to happen whenever one tries to hide in the dark. Go ahead, play Hide and Seek with your kids and hide somewhere dark. I defy you not to magically get a full bladder. After a while, the doors burst open and Zybala holds his breath. Multiple shadowy figures rush in the theater and start searching the seats. Zybala ducks as low as he can when the lights suddenly turn on! We see the figures are Cobras. One of them shouts that they found Zybala!
Zybala pops up to his feet and charges at the Cobra with his baseball bat. The Cobra shrieks and cowers, the main move of the Legacy Dojo! Zybala runs past this coward and out of the theater. He spots a few Cobras in the hall as he makes a mad dash for the lobby. He sees the pickup truck past the broken glass door and makes a dash for it. As soon as he steps outside, he is tackled to the ground! The bat falls from his hand as he hits the concrete. Zybala groans as he looks up at his assailant. Standing over him looks like someone who could pass for "Dr. Cuntson", quickly joined by possibly "Detective Sherlock Warstein". Maybe, if you squint your eyes.
The two grin menacingly at Zybala. He tries to reach the bat next to him, but "Cuntson" steps on it. "Sherlock" looks like he is about to monologue, which would be more tortuous than any physical punishment he could muster upon Zybala. Without many options, Zybala reaches into a nearby pile of slushy snow. He grabs a big hand full and throws it right at "Cuntson's" face. The mushy stuff hits it's target and "Cuntson" lets out an enraged cry as he stumbles backwards. This allows Zybala to grab his bat. He swings at the blinded "Cuntson" and cracks him in the side, dropping him. Zybala takes a wild swing at "Sherlock" who easily dodges by stepping back. He doesn't avoid an ice batch on the ground however. "Sherlock" slips and falls, landing hard on the pavement. Zybala quickly runs to the truck, avoiding ice on the ground, and grabs a table from the back. He sets it up and turns just in time to see "Sherlock" charging at him! Zybala ducks down and lifts the charging "Sherlock" up and over him. The detective lands on and goes through the plastic table! Zybala takes this moment to hop in the pickup and turns the key. Despite the earlier crash, the engine revs to life. Zybala puts the vehicle in drive and takes off as Cobras come flooding out of the theatre. They start chasing the truck but it's too fast. Zybala drives off to safety as the scene fades to black… :
Zybala then gets back in the pickup, planning a smart retreat. He closes the door and turns the key. Unlike in horror movies, the truck turns on and Zybala revs the engine. Several people notice this and start to circle the truck. Zybala slowly inches the vehicle forward, trying to nudge people out of the way and not get a vehicle assault charge. We cut to a Cobra who is avoiding the action and talking on a cellphone. :
Cobra: We found him Sensai!..... Sorry, I mean Detective……. I don't know, I don't live in this shithole city…… Are you sure?..... Ok, I'll try….
: As Zybala continues to inch forward, the Cobra with the phone walks up to the pickup and gently knocks on the window. Confused and curious, Zybala rolls it down a little bit. :
Zybala: Yes???
Cobra: Hey, I know we're trying to kidnap you and stuff, but can you help me? I'm not from around here. Can you please tell me what streets we're on?
Zybala: Oh sure. We're on Eagle Street, near Main Street.
Cobra: Oh wow. Thank you! Did you hear that Sens….Detective?.... Awesome….. See you soon!
: The Cobra hangs up the phone as Zybala looks shocked and angered! :
Zybala: How dare you take advantage of my Buffalonian hospitable nature!!
: With that, Zybala revs the engine, which startles the people around him. They back away, thinking that Zybala will run them down. Zybala takes advantage of the gap and drives off. He starts to leave the people behind him as he navigates the city streets. Zybala barely puts two blocks behind him when he is T-boned by another vehicle! Lucky for him, Zybala always wears his seatbelt. He's jostled around, but relatively okay. As he starts to exit the pickup, he hears the caw of a raven and someone screaming "CUNT!" over and over. Zybala grabs his baseball bat as he looks over at the vehicle that hit him and sees the driver door start to open. He doesn't wait to see who exits as he runs away from the accident. Hunted men don't wait to exchange insurance information.
Zybala runs into a nearby closed AMC theater. He smashes the glass on the door and carefully makes his way into the building. The lobby is barely lit from lights behind posters and from the street lights outside as Zybala pulls out a small flashlight from his pocket. He turns it on and looks around. From what he can see from the small beam, he is alone. He creeps through the theater as quietly as possible so he doesn't attract attention. He walks past several theater doors before entering one. Zybala takes a look around, his eyes getting somewhat adjusted to the darkness, before walking down the aisle. Zybala makes his way to roughly the middle row of seats and ducks down on the floor, thinking this is a good hiding spot.
As time passes, Zybala tries to think of an escape plan and a way to get back to his truck. He NEEDS those tables to put Warstein through. Also he needs to pee, which always seems to happen whenever one tries to hide in the dark. Go ahead, play Hide and Seek with your kids and hide somewhere dark. I defy you not to magically get a full bladder. After a while, the doors burst open and Zybala holds his breath. Multiple shadowy figures rush in the theater and start searching the seats. Zybala ducks as low as he can when the lights suddenly turn on! We see the figures are Cobras. One of them shouts that they found Zybala!
Zybala pops up to his feet and charges at the Cobra with his baseball bat. The Cobra shrieks and cowers, the main move of the Legacy Dojo! Zybala runs past this coward and out of the theater. He spots a few Cobras in the hall as he makes a mad dash for the lobby. He sees the pickup truck past the broken glass door and makes a dash for it. As soon as he steps outside, he is tackled to the ground! The bat falls from his hand as he hits the concrete. Zybala groans as he looks up at his assailant. Standing over him looks like someone who could pass for "Dr. Cuntson", quickly joined by possibly "Detective Sherlock Warstein". Maybe, if you squint your eyes.
The two grin menacingly at Zybala. He tries to reach the bat next to him, but "Cuntson" steps on it. "Sherlock" looks like he is about to monologue, which would be more tortuous than any physical punishment he could muster upon Zybala. Without many options, Zybala reaches into a nearby pile of slushy snow. He grabs a big hand full and throws it right at "Cuntson's" face. The mushy stuff hits it's target and "Cuntson" lets out an enraged cry as he stumbles backwards. This allows Zybala to grab his bat. He swings at the blinded "Cuntson" and cracks him in the side, dropping him. Zybala takes a wild swing at "Sherlock" who easily dodges by stepping back. He doesn't avoid an ice batch on the ground however. "Sherlock" slips and falls, landing hard on the pavement. Zybala quickly runs to the truck, avoiding ice on the ground, and grabs a table from the back. He sets it up and turns just in time to see "Sherlock" charging at him! Zybala ducks down and lifts the charging "Sherlock" up and over him. The detective lands on and goes through the plastic table! Zybala takes this moment to hop in the pickup and turns the key. Despite the earlier crash, the engine revs to life. Zybala puts the vehicle in drive and takes off as Cobras come flooding out of the theatre. They start chasing the truck but it's too fast. Zybala drives off to safety as the scene fades to black… :
Ladies and gentlemen, the world's worst detective, Shawn Warstein. First, you confuse me for some 4chan reject at a Comic Con I wouldn't go to, mostly because of Covid. I don't need to get sick. Then you think you met my mom at Outsiders? That was Dean's mom! She lives right down the street from the "arena." She comes over from time to time. You are right though. She makes great cookies and is a nice lady. Good on you for not assuming anything though. I mean, with her being African American and me being white. Sure, I'm a bit tan, but I'm not sure how you could make that assumption. I guess you showed how "Woke" you are by not seeing color though.
I'm glad you had a good time at Outsiders. I can't say the same for your opponent. Sunday is style recovering, but that's a different story. The Yardies were excited to see you and wouldn't mind seeing you back. I'll make sure to cook that meatloaf again and have exact cash on hand. I'm sure that after I take the North American title from you, your stock in the company is gonna go down and you'll need all the bookings you can get. The gate is always open for you.
I'm confused though? What exactly did I ever do to you? You keep talking about me being a pest and always interfering with The Legacy's plans, but you don't explain how? You only bring up the Righteous Rumble and I've already explained that. You tricked me and eliminated me. I was mad so I retaliated by pulling you out. Not my proudest moment. If you're that butt-hurt about it, I'm sorry. That wasn't directed towards The Legacy though. That was a you and I thing. Not personal, just a heat of the moment thing.
Other than that, the only other way that I probably slighted you was not give you your Outtie Award and Red Robin gift card for Outsider Feud of the Year with Sunday. Are you that mad over a small trophy and a $20 gift card? That's a little petty if you ask me. You can't possibly be mad over our last match, because there was shady reffing on both sides. I don't see why you're mad, but I guess everyone is the bad guy in someone else's story. If it makes you feel better, I'll be the Daniel Laruso to your Johnny Lawrence.
And just like Daniel-San in the first movie, I'm gonna be walking away from Adrenaline Rush as the North American champion. You don't get a rewrite on the ending. With this being a Buffalo Tables match, there isn't going to be any illegal kicks for you to complain about years later when you're stewing over your lost title and glory. Maybe you could fall back on that "stellar" detective career you're building up. Maybe Atty can become more famous and be your sugar mama.
Now, I'm not saying that you'll be Easy Like Sunday Morning. Unlike how you feel about me , I feel that you're going to be my toughest test in GCWA. Normally I would do everything in my power to rile up my opponent leading to our match. Sneak attacks, match interfering, the works. Whip them into a frenzy so that I knew they would bring their best when we fought. But you did that to yourself. Your paranoid delusions that I was out to get you was all it took. I barely had to lift a finger. I'm glad you want to destroy me. I'm glad you're a sociopath. That makes the fight all the better, and it makes the win that much sweeter.
I want the angry, rage filled Warstein. I want to face the man who nearly murdered Sunday in The Yard. The fourth grade insults aside, I'm glad you are sinking to my level, because that's where the depravity and violence is. You've never faced someone like me before. I'm fucking life changing! You may think I'm nothing, no one of note, not worth remembering. I assure you that after we have our experience together, you will never forget me. I am like the physical embodiment of the Seymore episode of Futurama. I will fuck you up physically and mentally. Ask Dylan Thomas who can't bear to be around me after our Blood Feud match. Ask Dangerous Dan after I took the X-Division from him. I'd tell you to ask Dude Jones, but you can't since I FUCKING BURIED HIM ALIVE!!!!
And do you know what the best part of all of this is? You wanted it! By your own admission, For whatever reasons you had, for whatever manipulations you pulled on me, you wanted this match to happen. You picked the opponent, you picked the match type, you wished on the Monkey's Paw, baby! Like with the paw, be careful what you wish for because you're going to get it! All of your supposed mind games and plotting and manipulations come to an end at Adrenaline Rush. You're going to regret "your" choice to face me. You'll rue the wish. Because I'm not going to stop until I break you body, mind and soul. After I put you through what feels like the Fiftieth table, because I won't stop with one or ten or twenty, I want you to question every decision you made in your life that led you to your own destruction. You say that you can't wait to be done and over with me? Well I can't wait to be the cause of your PTSD!