Post by Alessandro Quagliaterre on Feb 1, 2021 19:54:57 GMT -6
“Spruce...Goose??? No way his parents named him that.”
“Huh?”
The voice had broken Alessandro from his trance where he was fixated on the view of the outside from the rear passenger sides window. He shifted his attention to the chauffeur in the front to where the voice had come from.
“The wrestler in GCWA? One half of The Patriots with that total babe Memphis Belle. You're facing him this Friday on Inferno. You must be buzzing, especially after coming off a big Television Championship win at Adrenaline Rush.”
Alessandro was surprised he watched wrestling.
“Hold up… you watch GCWA?”
“Yeah man... huge fan.”
The chauffeur wanted to say more, but thankfully a vibration in Alessandro’s pocket caused a holt to that. Alessandro pulled out his vibrating iPhone from his inner blazer pocket, where a FaceTime video call alert from Rosalie Bri flashed on the screen.
Rosalie Bri is an Envíe model for the Bien Habille fashion label. She is also a Union GP MMA Card Girl. Alessandro is a Blossom for Men model for Bien Habille, and it is the connection through this emerging fashion brand where Alessandro and Rosalie had built up an instant rapport in a short space of time. Their connection was so strong that they were practically besties and Alessandro affectionately referred to Ro as his Model BFF.
So when he saw that Rosalie was video calling, he gladly answered by swiping the green button on his iPhone to accept the call.
“Hola Famalam!”
Rosalie’s face was gleaming with joy.
“Hola, mi hermano ¿Cómo estás?”
That was Spanish.
“Lo estoy haciendo genial… Ro!”
Even Alessandro knew enough Spanish to get him by, for he was a man of many talents. The conversation then shifted back to English.
“Congratulations on the title win Alessandro. I imagine you’re pretty excited about that, right?”
Alessandro had stated that he was going to throw the Television championship in the first trash can he saw before facing Enforcer at Adrenaline Rush. However, now that he had won, it would be interesting to see whether his view remains the same, or if he had changed his opinion. For now though, to keep up appearances, and remain respectful for the belt which he was now in possession of, he agreed with Rosalie.
“Oh...right, yeah. Yeah, I’m excited about it.”
“I saw your stellar work ethic in the Squat Challenge Megabowl we had last week, and I’m sure that you apply that in all aspects of your life. From modeling, to your businesses, your social network, and as a wrestler.”
Rosalie was full of praise for her friend with great enthusiasm, Alessandro’s response was much more muted with next to no expression on his face.
“Thanks, Ro. I’m just happy to be in the position I am in… it’s been a long time coming.”
1,253 days. Three years, 5 months, and 4 days to be exact since Alessandro had last held a championship. There was confidence in his voice as always, but he was cautious, and this put a smirk on Rosalie’s face.
“You’re going to be a great champion and I know you’ll kill it. I’ll be honest, I don’t watch a lot of GCWA, but now that you’re holding gold, I’ll be paying much more attention. You’ve got a lot of people excited to see you… and you’ve also got a lot of eyes on you.”
She wasn’t wrong. That was a reality he was now acutely aware of. While many would be quick to congratulate Alessandro as a champion in the coming days, knowing that he had a belt also created a huge target on his back for people wanting to snatch it away from him. That would be a test for another day, for now, his focus was shifted onto his next opponent.
“That means a lot Ro, I appreciate it. More than you know. But before you make a grown man cry...”
He was legitimately going to cry because he was so overwhelmed by Rosalie’s kind words, but he had restraint and held himself back.
“My next opponent is called Spruce Goose.”
Rosalie burst out in laughter.
“I know right. That was my exact reaction also. What’s even better is that Spruce is one half of a tag team with a girl named Memphis Belle, who, judging by the way she dresses, considers herself somewhat of a model. To her credit, she has an athletic body, only problem is she is too much of a looker… if you know what I mean.”
Rosalie was not familiar with either member of The Patriots tag team, and while Alessandro was winking thinking she got the reference, the reality was she didn’t.
“I haven’t got a clue? What do you mean?”
“You know what? Never mind. It’s 2021, we should all be body positive, and if Memphis Belle wants to dress like a stripper who regularly attends texas bukkake parties, who am I to judge?”
Rosalie was shocked by Alessandro’s comments.
“Ay, DiOs Mío!”
‘Oh My God!’ in Spanish.
“I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s a result of the influence of her relationship with Aaron Warthog, which I know Spruce does not approve of. He doesn’t understand it, and it doesn’t make any sense. That’s his words, not mine, from October 28th, 2020, the last time he cut a promo.”
“He even felt slighted that his tag partner decided to replace him with a much worse upgrade. He bangs on and on about being a proud American. Well, that upgrade Aaron Warthog got taken care of by me in my GCWA debut, and it’s taken him a month to recover from that beating. Same story, different opponent, Spruce Goose goes from being a Proud American, to an Ashamed American. He’s going to want to go bury his head in the sand after I’m through with him. Believe that Ro, that’s for real!”
“Did you seriously just cut a promo on your opponent while on FaceTime?!?”
Alessandro sniggered and nodded to Rosalie’s question. She rolled her eyes in response. She then changed the subject.
“I know you were getting paranoid over the weekend due to the fact I posted a fleet on Twitter, with the apartment I had just moved into, which was a little bit unorganized”
“A little bit unorganized? It was a dump! You clean it up?”
“It was not! I had help come over and now everything's in its place, clean and pristine. An Alessandro Quagliaterre approved environment for sure. I’m thinking of throwing a pizza party soon to celebrate as a housewarming.”
“I want an invite to that.”
“Of course, you’re one of the first on my list. What sort of Pizza would you like?”
“No crust. No base. No cheese.”
Not pizza judging by Alessandro’s answer.
“So you want like… a bowl of toppings, but no cheese?”
“No, just tomatoes!”
“Just f**king with you. I’m down for anything, but it needs to be gluten-free.”
“What about a base and crust made out of cauliflower?”
“Ohh cauliflower crust. That sounds inventive. Probably make me a fart machine but I’ll try it.”
“They’re pretty popular. You can actually get them at the supermarket and then you customize with your own toppings.”
“Ro… what the hell! You’re the one having a pizza party. I’m cooking nothing if I’m coming to yours. That’s your job. You come to my new place in Miami, I’ll give you a five-star meal.”
“So are we like... exchanging parties or something? Like I’ll throw a pizza party and invite people and then you throw a huge five-star meal party?”
Alessandro clapped his hands in excitement at that proposition.
“Exactly that! Hell YES!”
“That seems fair.”
Rosalie was equally as excited.
“Anyway this was just a quick video call to congratulate you on your big win over the weekend. Good luck against that Goose guy, I’m sure you’ll crush it as usual,”
“Thanks, Ro. See you soon fam! Peace Out!”
He held up a peace sign with his fingers for Rosalie to see.
“Byyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee AQ!!!!!!”
She affectionately waved her hands in the air as a parting greeting, as Alessandro tapped the red button on his iPhone to end FaceTime.
A short while later, whilst still being driven to wherever in the chauffeur-driven car, Alessandro was still on his iPhone, but this time he was doing a bit of research.
“Hey, Siri! Google, what is the meaning of Spruce Goose?”
After a robotic Siri voice answered the web results they’d found, Google revealed the following.
[When you hear someone talk about a Spruce Goose, it refers to a very specific item at a very specific time in history and is an updated version of the idiom white elephant. A white elephant is a valuable possession that the owner cannot get rid of and where the cost of ownership seems to be more than it's worth.]
“That doesn’t sound right at all… let’s try that again…”
He cleared his throat
“Hey, Siri! What does... urban dictionary say about Spruce Goose?”
Once again the robotic Siri replied with their results.
[Top definition
Spruce Goose - An intense sexual position, involving vertical insertion.
Example ‘Yo did Johnny really spruce goose nick's mom?’ by I Dont Know... February 12, 2005]
[Second definition
Widely known to be a play on words for the originating term "Spruce Moose" from the Simpsons episode...
"$pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)" Season 5; Episode 10.
"This was the pivotal episode which the scene where the "Spruce Moose", an absurdly tiny wooden plane Burns makes in the episode, is a parody of Hughes' impractically enormous wooden plane has been proven to have foreshadowed every every television show before and after conception of the television and is widely speculated to have been the original idea behind the design of the Lightbulb invented by Thomas Edison 1878 and electricity itself" - Ian Branch]
“That was a good read. Do you know what I learned about you as a wrestler Spruce Goose, doing a basic online check?”
“It’s almost as if you don’t exist! The world wide web is full of knowledge, and the world is more interested to find out about the idiom of a Spruce Goose, a freaky sex position, or an episode of the Simpsons when it comes to learning about your namesake. That’s how irrelevant you are in the 21st Century, and that’s how irrelevant you are to me”
Alessandro had no time for irrelevancy.
“At 6’6 and 272 pounds you have the potential and ability to be a real force of nature, with a body the size of a promoter’s dream, but your execution is sloppy and pathetic. You waste your potential, and it’s great believing in the American way and being a patriot…”
“Except patriotism, and a real American doesn’t make you a good wrestler. You know the phrase, ‘if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again’? That doesn’t apply to you, you should have given up on the first try.”
“Also I want to point out that someone in the production crew messed up at Adrenaline Rush. Before facing Enforcer, you had my record listed as 3-0? I’ve beaten Aaron Warthog, Dylan Thomas, Blood Dragon and Dex Griffin. I get it that it’s not exactly a list to shout about, but simple maths tells you that means I’m 4-0 before Adrenaline Rush, now that I beat Enforcer I’m 5-0. Make sure it’s fixed by the time I come to the ring for this week's Inferno. Thanks!”
One final comment for Spruce Goose.
“For the bigger they are, the harder they fall. You have a size advantage over me, but that’s the only advantage you’re going to get before Friday. Because come Friday, when that bell sounds, your body hits the floor.”
The goose is loose? Nu uh, it’ll be more like… Duck, Duck, Goose![/font]
“Huh?”
The voice had broken Alessandro from his trance where he was fixated on the view of the outside from the rear passenger sides window. He shifted his attention to the chauffeur in the front to where the voice had come from.
“The wrestler in GCWA? One half of The Patriots with that total babe Memphis Belle. You're facing him this Friday on Inferno. You must be buzzing, especially after coming off a big Television Championship win at Adrenaline Rush.”
Alessandro was surprised he watched wrestling.
“Hold up… you watch GCWA?”
“Yeah man... huge fan.”
The chauffeur wanted to say more, but thankfully a vibration in Alessandro’s pocket caused a holt to that. Alessandro pulled out his vibrating iPhone from his inner blazer pocket, where a FaceTime video call alert from Rosalie Bri flashed on the screen.
Rosalie Bri is an Envíe model for the Bien Habille fashion label. She is also a Union GP MMA Card Girl. Alessandro is a Blossom for Men model for Bien Habille, and it is the connection through this emerging fashion brand where Alessandro and Rosalie had built up an instant rapport in a short space of time. Their connection was so strong that they were practically besties and Alessandro affectionately referred to Ro as his Model BFF.
So when he saw that Rosalie was video calling, he gladly answered by swiping the green button on his iPhone to accept the call.
“Hola Famalam!”
Rosalie’s face was gleaming with joy.
“Hola, mi hermano ¿Cómo estás?”
That was Spanish.
“Lo estoy haciendo genial… Ro!”
Even Alessandro knew enough Spanish to get him by, for he was a man of many talents. The conversation then shifted back to English.
“Congratulations on the title win Alessandro. I imagine you’re pretty excited about that, right?”
Alessandro had stated that he was going to throw the Television championship in the first trash can he saw before facing Enforcer at Adrenaline Rush. However, now that he had won, it would be interesting to see whether his view remains the same, or if he had changed his opinion. For now though, to keep up appearances, and remain respectful for the belt which he was now in possession of, he agreed with Rosalie.
“Oh...right, yeah. Yeah, I’m excited about it.”
“I saw your stellar work ethic in the Squat Challenge Megabowl we had last week, and I’m sure that you apply that in all aspects of your life. From modeling, to your businesses, your social network, and as a wrestler.”
Rosalie was full of praise for her friend with great enthusiasm, Alessandro’s response was much more muted with next to no expression on his face.
“Thanks, Ro. I’m just happy to be in the position I am in… it’s been a long time coming.”
1,253 days. Three years, 5 months, and 4 days to be exact since Alessandro had last held a championship. There was confidence in his voice as always, but he was cautious, and this put a smirk on Rosalie’s face.
“You’re going to be a great champion and I know you’ll kill it. I’ll be honest, I don’t watch a lot of GCWA, but now that you’re holding gold, I’ll be paying much more attention. You’ve got a lot of people excited to see you… and you’ve also got a lot of eyes on you.”
She wasn’t wrong. That was a reality he was now acutely aware of. While many would be quick to congratulate Alessandro as a champion in the coming days, knowing that he had a belt also created a huge target on his back for people wanting to snatch it away from him. That would be a test for another day, for now, his focus was shifted onto his next opponent.
“That means a lot Ro, I appreciate it. More than you know. But before you make a grown man cry...”
He was legitimately going to cry because he was so overwhelmed by Rosalie’s kind words, but he had restraint and held himself back.
“My next opponent is called Spruce Goose.”
Rosalie burst out in laughter.
“I know right. That was my exact reaction also. What’s even better is that Spruce is one half of a tag team with a girl named Memphis Belle, who, judging by the way she dresses, considers herself somewhat of a model. To her credit, she has an athletic body, only problem is she is too much of a looker… if you know what I mean.”
Rosalie was not familiar with either member of The Patriots tag team, and while Alessandro was winking thinking she got the reference, the reality was she didn’t.
“I haven’t got a clue? What do you mean?”
“You know what? Never mind. It’s 2021, we should all be body positive, and if Memphis Belle wants to dress like a stripper who regularly attends texas bukkake parties, who am I to judge?”
Rosalie was shocked by Alessandro’s comments.
“Ay, DiOs Mío!”
‘Oh My God!’ in Spanish.
“I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s a result of the influence of her relationship with Aaron Warthog, which I know Spruce does not approve of. He doesn’t understand it, and it doesn’t make any sense. That’s his words, not mine, from October 28th, 2020, the last time he cut a promo.”
“He even felt slighted that his tag partner decided to replace him with a much worse upgrade. He bangs on and on about being a proud American. Well, that upgrade Aaron Warthog got taken care of by me in my GCWA debut, and it’s taken him a month to recover from that beating. Same story, different opponent, Spruce Goose goes from being a Proud American, to an Ashamed American. He’s going to want to go bury his head in the sand after I’m through with him. Believe that Ro, that’s for real!”
“Did you seriously just cut a promo on your opponent while on FaceTime?!?”
Alessandro sniggered and nodded to Rosalie’s question. She rolled her eyes in response. She then changed the subject.
“I know you were getting paranoid over the weekend due to the fact I posted a fleet on Twitter, with the apartment I had just moved into, which was a little bit unorganized”
“A little bit unorganized? It was a dump! You clean it up?”
“It was not! I had help come over and now everything's in its place, clean and pristine. An Alessandro Quagliaterre approved environment for sure. I’m thinking of throwing a pizza party soon to celebrate as a housewarming.”
“I want an invite to that.”
“Of course, you’re one of the first on my list. What sort of Pizza would you like?”
“No crust. No base. No cheese.”
Not pizza judging by Alessandro’s answer.
“So you want like… a bowl of toppings, but no cheese?”
“No, just tomatoes!”
“Just f**king with you. I’m down for anything, but it needs to be gluten-free.”
“What about a base and crust made out of cauliflower?”
“Ohh cauliflower crust. That sounds inventive. Probably make me a fart machine but I’ll try it.”
“They’re pretty popular. You can actually get them at the supermarket and then you customize with your own toppings.”
“Ro… what the hell! You’re the one having a pizza party. I’m cooking nothing if I’m coming to yours. That’s your job. You come to my new place in Miami, I’ll give you a five-star meal.”
“So are we like... exchanging parties or something? Like I’ll throw a pizza party and invite people and then you throw a huge five-star meal party?”
Alessandro clapped his hands in excitement at that proposition.
“Exactly that! Hell YES!”
“That seems fair.”
Rosalie was equally as excited.
“Anyway this was just a quick video call to congratulate you on your big win over the weekend. Good luck against that Goose guy, I’m sure you’ll crush it as usual,”
“Thanks, Ro. See you soon fam! Peace Out!”
He held up a peace sign with his fingers for Rosalie to see.
“Byyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee AQ!!!!!!”
She affectionately waved her hands in the air as a parting greeting, as Alessandro tapped the red button on his iPhone to end FaceTime.
A short while later, whilst still being driven to wherever in the chauffeur-driven car, Alessandro was still on his iPhone, but this time he was doing a bit of research.
“Hey, Siri! Google, what is the meaning of Spruce Goose?”
After a robotic Siri voice answered the web results they’d found, Google revealed the following.
[When you hear someone talk about a Spruce Goose, it refers to a very specific item at a very specific time in history and is an updated version of the idiom white elephant. A white elephant is a valuable possession that the owner cannot get rid of and where the cost of ownership seems to be more than it's worth.]
“That doesn’t sound right at all… let’s try that again…”
He cleared his throat
“Hey, Siri! What does... urban dictionary say about Spruce Goose?”
Once again the robotic Siri replied with their results.
[Top definition
Spruce Goose - An intense sexual position, involving vertical insertion.
Example ‘Yo did Johnny really spruce goose nick's mom?’ by I Dont Know... February 12, 2005]
[Second definition
Widely known to be a play on words for the originating term "Spruce Moose" from the Simpsons episode...
"$pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)" Season 5; Episode 10.
"This was the pivotal episode which the scene where the "Spruce Moose", an absurdly tiny wooden plane Burns makes in the episode, is a parody of Hughes' impractically enormous wooden plane has been proven to have foreshadowed every every television show before and after conception of the television and is widely speculated to have been the original idea behind the design of the Lightbulb invented by Thomas Edison 1878 and electricity itself" - Ian Branch]
“That was a good read. Do you know what I learned about you as a wrestler Spruce Goose, doing a basic online check?”
“It’s almost as if you don’t exist! The world wide web is full of knowledge, and the world is more interested to find out about the idiom of a Spruce Goose, a freaky sex position, or an episode of the Simpsons when it comes to learning about your namesake. That’s how irrelevant you are in the 21st Century, and that’s how irrelevant you are to me”
Alessandro had no time for irrelevancy.
“At 6’6 and 272 pounds you have the potential and ability to be a real force of nature, with a body the size of a promoter’s dream, but your execution is sloppy and pathetic. You waste your potential, and it’s great believing in the American way and being a patriot…”
“Except patriotism, and a real American doesn’t make you a good wrestler. You know the phrase, ‘if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again’? That doesn’t apply to you, you should have given up on the first try.”
“Also I want to point out that someone in the production crew messed up at Adrenaline Rush. Before facing Enforcer, you had my record listed as 3-0? I’ve beaten Aaron Warthog, Dylan Thomas, Blood Dragon and Dex Griffin. I get it that it’s not exactly a list to shout about, but simple maths tells you that means I’m 4-0 before Adrenaline Rush, now that I beat Enforcer I’m 5-0. Make sure it’s fixed by the time I come to the ring for this week's Inferno. Thanks!”
One final comment for Spruce Goose.
“For the bigger they are, the harder they fall. You have a size advantage over me, but that’s the only advantage you’re going to get before Friday. Because come Friday, when that bell sounds, your body hits the floor.”
The goose is loose? Nu uh, it’ll be more like… Duck, Duck, Goose![/font]
