Zac Efron's interview to be the new First Mate
Feb 10, 2021 13:26:00 GMT -6
Deana Barrows and Dylan Thomas like this
Post by SportsEntertainmentXpress on Feb 10, 2021 13:26:00 GMT -6
Stardate 20210802:
The Desolator crew missing its first mate is like a hand missing its index finger, it just didn’t work right. Something was off, and it showed by the Starship Desolator not blasting that Dragon Zord into a million pieces. Space Lord had decided to search for a new first mate and this had brought him to a small bar on the outskirts of Hollywood. Space Lord walked in, and all eyes were on him. Why wouldn’t all eyes be on him? Wouldn’t you stare at a guy who walked into a bar with face paint, wearing only a speedo with cowboy boots and tassels?
Space Lord takes a seat at the bar and looks to his right where Zac Efron is sitting. This meeting had been arranged through a multitude of agents with Terry Marshall getting the ball rolling on the meeting. The catch was, Zac Efron didn’t know he was meeting Space Lord, he thought he was meeting a director about a starring role in a new movie.
Slowly, and inconspicuously the rest of the patrons begin to exit the bar, and at the same time Space Lord strikes up a conversation with Efron, feeding him drink after drink. Soon it is just Efron, Space Lord, and the bartender.
It must be a lot of fun being such a big movie star.
Ah, it is really, but it has its drawbacks too. Almost everywhere I go people know who I am, and there are always cameras. I know I have the greatest job in the world, but sometimes I just feel like… like I’m trapped. Like I’m never….
Never free?
Yeah, exactly.
What if I told you that you didn’t have the greatest job in the world and that I could offer you freedom and so much more.
I’m offering you an opportunity to be the first mate of the Starship Desolator. Maybe you’ll find yourself a freeman, and find an adventure or two along the way.
Suddenly music begins to play in the background and Space Lord stops talking. Instead, he begins singing to Zac Efron.
Right here, right now. I put the offer out, I don't want to chase you down. I know you see it. You run with me, and I can cut you free. Out of the eye of the paparazzi and Seth Rogan films, you act in. So, trade that untypical for something out of this world. And it's crazy, we live a real crazy life. You can play it sensible, a king of conventional. Or you can risk it all and see.
By now Space Lord is not only singing but is also dancing. The bartender has slid him the whole bottle of Whiskey, and while singing Space Lord pours a shot for himself and for Efron, making sure to only give himself a little while filling Efron’s up. They take their shots at the same time and slam the glasses to the bar on the beat. Space Lord spins the stool around and spins to his feet, and hops up onto a table while continuing to sing.
Space Lord jumps from the table and then hops on the bar sitting next to Efron. He grabs the bottle of whisky and pours two more shots, once again only giving himself a little while feeling Efron's up. To Space Lord's dismay though Efron shoves the shot away, and stands up, and prepares to leave as he grabs his phone and goes for his jacket. However, Efron is clearly getting into this as he begins to sing too.
Okay, my friend, you want to cut me in. Well, I hate to tell you, but it just won't happen.. So thanks, but no. I think I'm good to go. 'Cause I quite enjoy the life you say I'm trapped in. Now I admire you, and that whole Sports Entertainment Xpress thing you do. You're onto something, really, it's something, but I live up in the Hills, and we don't do bit-part roles. I'll have to leave that up to some old B-list actor.
Don't you know that I'm okay with those frat boy parts I get to play? 'Cause I got what I need and I don't want to take the ride. I don't need to see outer space. So go and do like you do, I'm good to do like me. It may be in the lens, but I want for nothing. Oh, damn! Can't you see I'm doing fine?
I don't need to see outer space.
Efron has gotten into the act and danced his way onto the bar where he kept trying to kick the shot glasses over, but the bartender keeps moving the glasses, always sitting them down on the beat. Efron jumps and does a spin-off of the bar and grabs his jacket and scarf, through his scarf on, but as he does Space Lord slides beside him and sits the shot glasses down that the bartender slid him. Space Lord sits them on top of a piano and slides onto the piano bench and begins tickling the ivories.
Now is this really how you like to spend your days? Whiskey and vegan diets, and parties and raunchy comedies?
Efron turns to Space Lord, looking emotional.
If I were mixed up with you, I'd be the talk of the town. Disgraced and disowned, another one of the washed-up TV b-listers.
Efron grabs his shot and begins to walk away while drinking it. Space Lord smiles and jumps to his feet, grabbing his shot as he does and follow Efron.
But you would finally live a little, finally, see Uranus. Just let me give you the freedom to dream.
And it'll wake you up and cure your poor acting. Take your smile and start using it to seduce space babes. Now that's a deal that seems worth taking, but I guess I'll leave that up to you.
Space Lord sits down on a barstool and watches Efron stop at the door. Efron turns and begins walking back to Space Lord in a dancing style walk.
Well, it's intriguing, but to join the crew would cost me greatly. So what percentage of the merch sales would I be taking?
Space Lord smiles and taps the bar, and the bartender pours another shot and slides it to Efron, while Space Lord stands up holding his half-full glass.
Fair enough, you'd want a piece of all the sales. I'd give you seven, we could shake and make it happen.
Efron smiles and begins walking towards Space Lord.
I wasn't born this morning, eighteen would be just fine.
Why not just go ahead and ask for nickels on the dime?
Fifteen.
I'd do eight.
Maybe nine.
TEN!
Space Lord smiles and holds up his shot glass. Efron smiles and clanks his glass against Space Lords in a toast and the two men throwback the shots and then begin singing and dancing in unison.
Don't you wanna getaway to a whole new part you're gonna play. 'Cause I got what you need, so come with me and take the ride. To outer space.
While they are singing and dancing, Space Lord leads Efron out the back door into a large back parking lot where the Starship Desolator is parked.
So, if you do like I do.
So, if you do like me
Forget the lames, 'cause we know how to entertain. Oh, damn! Suddenly we're clear for takeoff. We're going to outer space.
So, if you do like I do.
So, if you do like me.
Cause if we do we're going to outer space.
We're going to OUTER SPACE!
The song ends and Efron is now sitting in the First Mates chair on the deck of the Starship Desolator.
Ok, that was a lot of fun. So, is this like a space odyssey musical or what?
Uh no, this is a real Starship. We really go on adventures through space.
Really? I thought that was all an act.
No, it is very real.
So, this isn’t a major motion picture?
No, this is real life.
Oh, I’m out. I’m not leaving Hollywood to be some spaceman.
Space Lord’s smile fades to a look of anger. The scene suddenly shifts to the outside of the Starship Desolator and we see Zac Efron flying through the air from the door like Uncle Feel used to toss Jazz out of the house. The hunt for a new first mate continues.
Monologue:
WANTED FOR TREASON!
WANTED FOR MUTONIE!
WANTED FOR BEING BFF'S WITH KIM JUNG ILL!
He isn't ill, he isn't sick, he isn't hard. I AM HARD! I AM SICK! I AM WITH IT!
You, D-Rod the nimrod, you will learn why I am the Supreme Intergalactic champion, a fact that many around here have forgotten. Terry Marshall and I are crowd-pleasers, we like to make people cheer and make them smile. People have mistaken our good nature for buffoonery or weakness.
BIG MISTAKE!
DO I LOOK LIKE A BALD BUTT PRIMATE TO YOU!?!
I AM NO BABOON!
DO I LOOK WEAK TO YOU!?!
I AM NO WEAKLING!
Terry Marshall and I have the ability at our fingertips to harness the most powerful force in the universe. That is the power of the Sexamaniacs. It is an unstoppable force, just as the Sports Entertainment Xpress is an unstoppable force. DO NOT THINK, we have forgotten about not getting our rematch. The Sinners have shown their true colors...YELLOW!
Sinners are dodging, ducking, dipping, diving, and dodging us. Well, you may need able to dodge wrenches, but soon enough we will be the wrench thrown in your plans to remain champions. Until then let us continue on our side quest until we circle back around to the boss.
D-Cod-piece, you are a side quest. The mission objective is payback. Payback for damaging the Starship Desolater. Payback for interrupting the most cinematic moment in GCWA history. And payback for continuing to hold the rest of the NWO crew in the darkness.
You may have been a great rebounder and defender, but you will not be able to defend against the big bang, and you will not rebound from it. I will end you and as I drive my shoulder through your stomach it will drive the last nail into the coffin of the Nefarious Wrestling Outsiders.
As I finish you at Inferno, the NWO will officially be dead and buried. And there are two things you can do about that… actually one… NOTHING!
~Fin.
