Post by VACANT on Dec 13, 2020 20:30:16 GMT -6
This is a story of redemption. This is the story of a man who has come back from all odds to become the best at what he does. This is the Story of Valis Deathbringer. he may look and sound like a total loser to you and me but in the world of LARPing, he is a legend. "What is LARPing?", you might ask. LARP stands for Live Action Role Play. This is my story. I am Valis Deathbringer, and I have come to the GCWA to take on all challengers.
When I look at all these people walking around with n95 masks, I think to myself. "If only they could be as smart as I am." They could be walking around with this cool mask. A woman once looked at me funny in the frozen foods of Albertsons and I imagined myself cutting her in half with my light saber. Can you believe I paid 200 bucks at the Disney Store for this thing? If I press this button and swing it around, the light glows and it makes a swooshing sound. Back to the lady. I didn't realize that I was making swinging motions as I was daydreaming about slicing her in half and I accidentally poked her in the tummy. She yelled in pain and security pounced on me. They tried to take off my mask, but I was able to use the "force" and run away. If you go to the Albertsons on Cayuga and 34th street you will see my picture at the front. It's as if I'm a real outlaw. A space outlaw.
My Mother tells me that it's time for me to get a real job. But I love working at BestBuy. I'm a shift manager for the Geekquad. I love fixing things. "it's time to settle down and find yourself a good woman" is what she always says. But I don't think these women can handle what's underneath this armor. Haha.
I would take off my mask and show you how I Look like, but that's the mystery of Valis Deathbringer. You're not supposed to know. In our world, mystery is key. I can't let people know what I'm thinking or how I will react to certain situations. If you are interested in getting into the world of LARPing, that's the number 1 rule. Be mysterious. Rule number 2. Carry a long lightsaber.
So I'm supposed to show some of my moves for you. I actually have never been in a real fight, but I'm pretty good and faking it. Hold on a second, let me get up.
Okay, so I spent some time on youtube and studied some of those martial artists who can hurt you without even touching you. here let me show you.
"Hiyah! Wappow! Kabam! CLANK!Crack!"
Sorry, I didn't see the chair over there. I'm not hurt, I'm impervious to pain.
This reminds of the time when my legend was born as the greatest LARPer in all the land. We were playing a siege mission and all of my teammates had been taken out. I was the only one left, being chased by 3 people on the other side. Started swinging and kicking and by golly I was able to eliminate 2 of them. I sprinted towards a tree and tried to climb up, the guy rushes me with his sword, "like this", I tried to run but slipped on the grass and he went head first into the tree. I smacked him with my sword and then claimed victory for the Galactic Alien Yakuza Syndicate.
Do you mind if I sit back down? Thank you.
So I've been following the GCWA and there is such amazing talent. The world champion James Raven is such an interesting guy. He's got a good crew with him. And I'm sure that they adore and respect him and will do their best to win this Rumble for him. I heard that one of his henchpeople Shawn Warstein was recently honored by a list that ranked him as the #2 best wrestler. It seems like we have a lot in common, I too know what it's like to be adored and admired for being great at something. I mean if they reached out to me and wanted me to join their team, I wouldn't be opposed to it. But unlike James Raven, I actually earned my title as the best.
I remember watching a show once and I saw Mike Zybala wrestle. And I told myself, "man if this guy can be a wrestling star so can I." He's actually a legend in the LARPing world as well. If Mike Zybala were to start a LARP team, I might quit my team and join his. That's how good he is. I'm actually not quite sure what I would do if we were to meet in the ring. I mean he's not wearing a suit of armor or anything so it might be tough for him to fight me, he might break his fist. But Mike Zybala is a genius, so I'm sure he will find a way to make it until the end of the Rumble. I hope to be there with him.
*RING.RING*
Hold on second, it's my mom on the phone.
"yes mom?" "Yes, I'm at an interview. I'll call you back geez."
Sorry about that where were we. Oh yes. I'm talking about my foes in the Righteous Rumble. I hear that Chad Vargas has entered his name in the Rumble. See if this was our LARP league, a racist like Vargas wouldn't be allowed to play. One time we were playing a game and some guys called me the N word. They were black. I don't know if they were actually playing or not but I jabbed one in the groin with my lightsaber and he called said something about "Time to show the mfing N-word how we play in Compton." He pulled out a gun and it looked so real. I was able to get away, but I filed a complaint to the commissioner about his vulgar language.
I really just can't wait until I get in that ring and put my moves on these guys. I know that there are several women in this match as well. I remember when we started letting women into our LARP leagues. It was awkward at first, I mean talking to women is awkward. But we got used to it. One time I jabbed a woman, who was roleplaying as a Viking warrior princess, in her vagina. I don't know if she liked it or was upset, but she started swiping at my nuts with her sword. That was the closest a women's hand has been near my penis who wasn't my mom.
Man. How great would it be for me to enter this Rumble and walk away with the #1 contendership. I would be adding to my own great legacy. I can hardly wait.
My vitals?
I'm around 6 foot 4 with this helmet on. The armor on this suit is pretty heavy. But I can move around decently. It's similar to a football player with pads on. I actually made this quit myself. See if I smack myself right here.... You an hear the clanging of iron. Now imagine someone trying to punch me. And my mask is on super tight. Sometimes it gets hard to breathe, but I've learned through time to control my breathing.
I can win this match. I'm not different than guys like Noah Jackson and Robert Main. We're all just playing a game right? I mean these guys don't look like they can beat anyone up in a real fight. How do they expect to beat me with my armor. I can't wait for all my buddies to see me on the TV and root and cheer for me. It's going to be super awesome.
One final statement?
Well, let me just say that at the Righteous Rumble Valis Deathbringer is bringing destruction to whoever gets in his way. Amelia Abernathy, Perzag, Kylie Moore or whoever else is dumb enough to get in my way. I'm bringing the Boom!!!!
*clap.clap.clap.clap*
Do you think it's weird that I clapped for myself after this audition? Was this the best audition you have ever held? Please make sure when you send the tape over to the Owner of the GCWA that you tell him how great I was. I mean I'm probably more intimidating in person. The camera doesn't capture all this essence. Do you think that I can get a copy of this audition tape? I'd like to show it to my friends. Maybe if I find success, some of my other buddies can join me. Charlie Schubert was on the cheer squad in high school and he's pretty athletic. He coaches badminton now at Jefferson high, but I'm sure he would jump at the chance to audition for the GCWA. Are you still recording?
*RING.RING*
It's my mom. I'm late for dinner.
When I look at all these people walking around with n95 masks, I think to myself. "If only they could be as smart as I am." They could be walking around with this cool mask. A woman once looked at me funny in the frozen foods of Albertsons and I imagined myself cutting her in half with my light saber. Can you believe I paid 200 bucks at the Disney Store for this thing? If I press this button and swing it around, the light glows and it makes a swooshing sound. Back to the lady. I didn't realize that I was making swinging motions as I was daydreaming about slicing her in half and I accidentally poked her in the tummy. She yelled in pain and security pounced on me. They tried to take off my mask, but I was able to use the "force" and run away. If you go to the Albertsons on Cayuga and 34th street you will see my picture at the front. It's as if I'm a real outlaw. A space outlaw.
My Mother tells me that it's time for me to get a real job. But I love working at BestBuy. I'm a shift manager for the Geekquad. I love fixing things. "it's time to settle down and find yourself a good woman" is what she always says. But I don't think these women can handle what's underneath this armor. Haha.
I would take off my mask and show you how I Look like, but that's the mystery of Valis Deathbringer. You're not supposed to know. In our world, mystery is key. I can't let people know what I'm thinking or how I will react to certain situations. If you are interested in getting into the world of LARPing, that's the number 1 rule. Be mysterious. Rule number 2. Carry a long lightsaber.
So I'm supposed to show some of my moves for you. I actually have never been in a real fight, but I'm pretty good and faking it. Hold on a second, let me get up.
Okay, so I spent some time on youtube and studied some of those martial artists who can hurt you without even touching you. here let me show you.
"Hiyah! Wappow! Kabam! CLANK!Crack!"
Sorry, I didn't see the chair over there. I'm not hurt, I'm impervious to pain.
This reminds of the time when my legend was born as the greatest LARPer in all the land. We were playing a siege mission and all of my teammates had been taken out. I was the only one left, being chased by 3 people on the other side. Started swinging and kicking and by golly I was able to eliminate 2 of them. I sprinted towards a tree and tried to climb up, the guy rushes me with his sword, "like this", I tried to run but slipped on the grass and he went head first into the tree. I smacked him with my sword and then claimed victory for the Galactic Alien Yakuza Syndicate.
Do you mind if I sit back down? Thank you.
So I've been following the GCWA and there is such amazing talent. The world champion James Raven is such an interesting guy. He's got a good crew with him. And I'm sure that they adore and respect him and will do their best to win this Rumble for him. I heard that one of his henchpeople Shawn Warstein was recently honored by a list that ranked him as the #2 best wrestler. It seems like we have a lot in common, I too know what it's like to be adored and admired for being great at something. I mean if they reached out to me and wanted me to join their team, I wouldn't be opposed to it. But unlike James Raven, I actually earned my title as the best.
I remember watching a show once and I saw Mike Zybala wrestle. And I told myself, "man if this guy can be a wrestling star so can I." He's actually a legend in the LARPing world as well. If Mike Zybala were to start a LARP team, I might quit my team and join his. That's how good he is. I'm actually not quite sure what I would do if we were to meet in the ring. I mean he's not wearing a suit of armor or anything so it might be tough for him to fight me, he might break his fist. But Mike Zybala is a genius, so I'm sure he will find a way to make it until the end of the Rumble. I hope to be there with him.
*RING.RING*
Hold on second, it's my mom on the phone.
"yes mom?" "Yes, I'm at an interview. I'll call you back geez."
Sorry about that where were we. Oh yes. I'm talking about my foes in the Righteous Rumble. I hear that Chad Vargas has entered his name in the Rumble. See if this was our LARP league, a racist like Vargas wouldn't be allowed to play. One time we were playing a game and some guys called me the N word. They were black. I don't know if they were actually playing or not but I jabbed one in the groin with my lightsaber and he called said something about "Time to show the mfing N-word how we play in Compton." He pulled out a gun and it looked so real. I was able to get away, but I filed a complaint to the commissioner about his vulgar language.
I really just can't wait until I get in that ring and put my moves on these guys. I know that there are several women in this match as well. I remember when we started letting women into our LARP leagues. It was awkward at first, I mean talking to women is awkward. But we got used to it. One time I jabbed a woman, who was roleplaying as a Viking warrior princess, in her vagina. I don't know if she liked it or was upset, but she started swiping at my nuts with her sword. That was the closest a women's hand has been near my penis who wasn't my mom.
Man. How great would it be for me to enter this Rumble and walk away with the #1 contendership. I would be adding to my own great legacy. I can hardly wait.
My vitals?
I'm around 6 foot 4 with this helmet on. The armor on this suit is pretty heavy. But I can move around decently. It's similar to a football player with pads on. I actually made this quit myself. See if I smack myself right here.... You an hear the clanging of iron. Now imagine someone trying to punch me. And my mask is on super tight. Sometimes it gets hard to breathe, but I've learned through time to control my breathing.
I can win this match. I'm not different than guys like Noah Jackson and Robert Main. We're all just playing a game right? I mean these guys don't look like they can beat anyone up in a real fight. How do they expect to beat me with my armor. I can't wait for all my buddies to see me on the TV and root and cheer for me. It's going to be super awesome.
One final statement?
Well, let me just say that at the Righteous Rumble Valis Deathbringer is bringing destruction to whoever gets in his way. Amelia Abernathy, Perzag, Kylie Moore or whoever else is dumb enough to get in my way. I'm bringing the Boom!!!!
*clap.clap.clap.clap*
Do you think it's weird that I clapped for myself after this audition? Was this the best audition you have ever held? Please make sure when you send the tape over to the Owner of the GCWA that you tell him how great I was. I mean I'm probably more intimidating in person. The camera doesn't capture all this essence. Do you think that I can get a copy of this audition tape? I'd like to show it to my friends. Maybe if I find success, some of my other buddies can join me. Charlie Schubert was on the cheer squad in high school and he's pretty athletic. He coaches badminton now at Jefferson high, but I'm sure he would jump at the chance to audition for the GCWA. Are you still recording?
*RING.RING*
It's my mom. I'm late for dinner.