Post by Vargas on Sept 11, 2019 22:35:17 GMT -6
An elderly man sits in a battered wooden rocking chair on a screened in porch, a frosty cold can of beer sits nestled between his thighs. Rocking the chair ever so slowly, enjoying the tranquility of the late summer evening.
The world renowned Sam Elliott is heard talking over the image.
“What is a legend? Merriam Webster has several definitions. “A story coming down from the past” “a popular myth of recent origin.” Well. Unlike Long John Silver and Captain Flint, “The Confederate Icon” Chad Vargas is no myth. Vargas has been making a name for himself by making professional wrestling better every time he enters the squared circle. Laying down ass whippings since 1997. Since coming to OCW in early 2014, he has single handedly made OCW what is today. Without Vargas, there is NO OCW. Look at the facts, In his absence in 2019, OCW has become non-existent and quite frankly extremely uncool toward the end days.
OCW dies, and another fabled classic rises from the ashes. The great GCWA. What does Chad Vargas, OCW, and GCWA all have in common? Aside from the obvious ‘wrestling’ of course, the answer is simple. LEGEND. GCWA, has a storied history where true wrestling purists thrive. Where REAL wrestlers compete, where MEN are MEN, and where WOMEN are competing for WOMEN’S CHAMPIONSHIP.
The Southern Gentleman was set to ride off into the sunset with his career in the rearview mirror. Not yet. Big Bad Chad needs one more run, GCWA needs one more World Heavyweight champion, and professional wrestling needs one more savior.
I’m sensing a major comeback in the works. The path to redemption. The climb back atop the rankings. It all starts this Friday night Inferno against Thunder. No, Lightening. No. Hurricane? Twister? Oh who the hell cares… The goldrush will certainly return to VARGAS MOUNTAIN! Regardless of whatever natural disaster the BAD ASS is up against!”
Vargas: GCWA. Who would have thought? Online Championship Wrestling is all I’ve known for the past 5 years. My wife always said I didn’t like change. I’ve got a different hot young bitch on my arm every week – and she said I didn’t like change!
Vargas chuckles.
Vargas: Nah, I really don’t do change all to well. But the reopening of GCWA is a great thing. This place has such a rich history. Many greats came from GCWA. Lurrr, El Linchador, Bifford, Titan 3, Derek Mobley, the names are so epitomized with success and unmatched greatness. A lot of you don’t know it but back in 2010 – I myself had a short stint in the Accelerator’s rollercoaster of pro wrestling! That was then, of course. This is now.
Vargas pulls a flask full of what we can only imagine to be JOHNNIE WALKER from his back pocket and takes a long healthy drag.
Vargas: GCWA… It sure as hell ain’t OCW. But, that’s a good thing. Everyone knows my painful history with Marcus Welsh. See, I’ve always been a Dean guy. Marcus Welsh ruined OCW with his WEAK ASS BOOKING. Mike Zybala ruined OCW with WEAK ASS IDEAS. But the biggest chink in OCW’s armor was that pussy ass roster. A bunch of liberal, man hating, gay loving, cock sucking, LBGT promoting BITCHES. Worst fucking group of no talent hacks I’ve ever fuckin’ seen in 22 years of being in this ruthless business! As much as I can’t stand Welsh, I can absolutely see him looking at his phone one day and saying “FUCK IT”. “Fuck it! I’m tired of dealing with these JABRONES!” I can’t even believe he lasted as long as it did. For that, he’s a better man than me, because I would grab fags like Eric Dane by the windpipe, pull them in close so they could smell the Budweiser on my breath and say… “LOOK HERE BITCH. GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FED!” And Ace, if you’re listening, if Eric Dane after shows his ugly sister fuckin’ face around here, please book us immediately. Career vs Career match, that’s how bad I want that motherfucker dead!
Vargas leans in closer to the camera and flips the bird with both hands close up and personal.
Vargas: Ain’t got no room in GCWA for vaginas. Unless, you’re letting me fuck it, or you’re cooking me a bacon, egg, and cheese WHEAT croissant. Other than that, fuck on off. That’s you Dane, incase you’re wondering. You and the rest of your dick riding brigade of shit smears.
Vargas takes another haul off his flask before tucking it neatly back in his pocket.
Vargas: Good to see Lurrr, Big Bifford, and TLS made this journey. Those fuckin’ guys are the GCWA originators. I don’t think Bifford likes me all that much, but if I had some naked broad fix him up one of those bacon, egg, and cheese sandwhiches on a wheat croissant I was talking about earlier, that fat motherfucker might come ‘round a little. Whatever his feelings toward me, I know the fuckin’ guy knows I’m cooler than Eric Dane and his fuckboy gang.
Vargas smirks, giggling at his own thoughtless and immature jab at Dane and his homies. Spending all his time and energy on someone that isn’t even a part of the promotion. We can ALMOST hear Sam Elliott’s thoughts…
“Get your head in the game you dumb motherfucker! Shut the fuck up about Eric Dane already!”
As if he heard voices, Vargas nods in agreement.
Vargas: I’ve got the biggest match of my career upcoming this Friday night on Inferno. Against none other than THUNDER!!!
As if on cue, AC/DC’s “Thunderstuck” cranks in the background. Vargas hits a few LIGHTENING guitar rifts on air guitar, really getting into the jam.
Vargas: Is this queer I’m working with this weekend actually cool enough to use an AC/DC tune?
……………………….Silence. Crickets are heard in the background for what seems like two hours.
Vargas: No? I didn’t think so.
Vargas yawns.
Vargas: Thunder, buddy, I don’t want to take you too lightly, and I don’t want to completely dash your hopes and dreams of becoming a real deal wrestler in the big leagues, but you and I both know… You ain’t got shit on me. Are you some field filler? Give me a chance to get some exercise in and flex my muscles and knock of this ring rust of spending the last 9 months drinking beer and shooting whiskey? Damn. I hope so. I really want to open my v2 GCWA career with a dub. But hey, any given Sunday as they say. I could be hung over and lose. Who knows?
Vargas laughs.
Vargas: I could probably beat you black out drunk with one hand tied behind my back and the other one on my balls. Bring your best though, hoss. I’ll be sure to bring mine. The climb atop GCWA begins this Friday with you Lightening. Ermm. Thunder!
Vargas smiles arrogantly as he gives a respectful military salute as the scene slowly fades out, with Sam Elliott finishing off this sweet ass production.
“Chad Vargas returns to in-ring action this Friday night after a 9-month reprieve. We highly doubt it’ll be a ‘clash of the titans’ but Thunder will be a valuable opponent of The Confederate Icon.”
Ole Sam can barely get out the last few words without cracking up.
We see the elderly man still enjoying his rocking chair. He takes a long haul off that cold one he’s still working on. Above him are two flags hanging from his porch. Old glory, red, white, and blue on the left and the STARS and BARS pride of the south on the right. He leans over to pop the top of his cooler by his feet to retrieve another BUDWEISER.
Old timer: Back in my day we all were hard working men in our southern ways. We liked cornbread and biscuits. If it was broke around here, we fixed it. Marriage was MAN and WOMEN. God made Adam and Eve not no Adam and Steve or any of that other gay shit. Back in my day women were made to cook meals and breed children, not compete with men in contact sports. Back in my day there ain’t weren’t no god damn participation trophies. The winner won and the god damn loser didn’t get shit but a pile of cold hard HEARTBREAK. We are breeding limp wristed pussies nowadays and it’s a god damn travesty! Now… GET the FUCK off my lawn!