Post by Vargas on Sept 18, 2019 21:49:52 GMT -6
The scene opens under the Friday night Lights. Nothing is more ‘MURICAN than high school football on Friday evening. It’s halftime. The Hillwood High Vikings have been laying a whooping on the Cane Ridge Rockets. 28-0. 225 yards and 2 TDs off the arm of Colton Vargas. The younger version of the Southern Sawhorse. Vargas sits atop the back of the bleachers bobbing his head to the Neil Young the school is cranking. It is southern USA afterall… Vargas grabs a cold one from between his legs and takes a mega haul off the sumbitch. He gets a few evil looks and long winded sighs from a few nearby MILFs. Vargas cocks his head and looks at the judgmental broads.
Vargas: Hey cunts…
The women pant in shock and awe.
Vargas: Mind your own fuckin’ business!
The Confederate Icon cuffs the rest of his beer and squishes the can in his hand, tossing it over his shoulder, as we hear ‘God Damnt!’. Vargas chuckles as he looks down under the bleachers to see some cock wiping beer remanence from his shirt after the can smoked him on the noggin. Vargas glances up at the scoreboard. 10 more minutes before second half kick off. He stands up, tucking his cooler underneath his sweatshirt. He stands up, stretches his arms back and pops his back. He then starts the descent down the stairs. He exits the stadium area heading for the restrooms. Some weird looking dorkfist sweeping the floor gives him a friendly nod as he passes. Vargas completely ignores him as he enters the men’s room.
Vargas: God damn this is brutal!
Should've stayed the fuck away from those tacos.
Should've stayed the fuck away from those tacos.
Vargas peers into the empty stall. He looks around to ensure he’s alone in the shithouse. He shrugs, and walks into the stall, locking the door behind him. He quickly drops trou and sits down on the can. Dropping a nice relaxing duce (jones) if you will.
The camera man exits the bathroom.
The camera man exits the bathroom.
A few moments later, the guy sweeping from earlier enters the bathroom himself, with a cart and other cleaning supplies. Vargas is finished his business by now and is washing his hands at the sink. Running a few fingers through his blonde hair, gotta look good for those cougars out there, especially after a healthy shit. The cleaning guy enters the bathroom that is likely still steaming from Vargas excrement deposit. The cleaning guy howls with what can only be described as an attempt to sound tough.
Guy: What the heck!
The guy exits the stall as Vargas starts to leave the bathroom. Him raising his voice catches his attention as he turns to face him.
Guy: You just went poop in here!? And you didn’t flush the toilet!?
Vargas chuckles.
Vargas: That’s what they make janitors for! Shut the fuck up and get to work!
The school janitor SNAPS. Like some poor nerdy kid that got picked on his whole life and then just one day snaps and kills everyone. Vargas is taken back by his sudden anger. He doesn’t know what to do or what to say for a few seconds.
Guy: FIRST of ALL! I’m the HEAD CUSTODIAN! I’m not no janitor!!! So you just better take that back. Check yourself before you wreck yourself!!!
Its complete silence for what seems like an eternity as Vargas looks this guy up and down, not sure what to think. But then, out of nowhere, he bursts out laughing. Which, of course infuriates this poor bastard even further. Out of nowhere, he charges at Vargas. Even after a few beers he’s quicker than this sorry sack of shit as he shifts over and catches him. He turns him around and drops him with the sickest STROKE ever!!! The tiles on the bathroom floor shatters under the weight of this idiot’s body hitting the ground. Vargas is in shock at first.
This fucking guy just hit his finish on some poor son of a bitch just trying to do his job during the football game!
Vargas looks around ensuring nobody saw this madness. He leans down and checks his pulse.
Vargas: PHEW!
He’s still breathing! Vargas unleashes a sigh of relief and heads back out to his seat on the bleachers as the boys are back on the field getting ready to get it on again. A siren is heard in the background as Vargas takes a deep breath.
Vargas: Hey, you get what you give.
Vargas leans under his legs and retrieves another CHADWEISER. He pops the top and takes a giant swill from it.
Vargas: LET’S GO COLTON!!!
He yells down at his son, who is now playing defense. This asshole practically killed someone and is up there hooting and hollering about a football game! He is COLD AS ICE!
Vargas: I guess I could have flushed the toilet.
Vargas shrugs.
Vargas: Why exactly is CHAD VARGAS opening the show this week? OPENING MATCH?! Is the Accelerator high or what? I don’t open shows! Does he have a clue? Is Marcus Welsh an executive producer here or what? Because I gotta tell ya, WEAK ASS BOOKING!!!
A ‘weak ass booking’ chant picks up in the stadium as Colton Vargas threw an incompletion on 3rd and 4. Vargas shakes his head in disbelief at both the chant, and the girly pass his boy just threw.
Vargas: Friday night Inferno! Opening the fuckin’ show against some jabrone Pete Vaughn. Un fuckin’ believable! Hopefully after I murder this dumb shit, I will be given an actual challenge! Suppose I could use the work out though. The Maintenance Guy, ahh? Pete Vaughn. Well, pal, just incase I put you out of GCWA, there may be a head custodian position open here at Hillwood High, pussy!
Vargas laughs at his lame inconsiderate joke as he kills the rest of his beer and tosses another crushed can over his shoulder. The scene ends as he digs into his cooler for another…
