Finding Helmet Part 1, A New Crew
Nov 14, 2020 16:17:38 GMT -6
Deana Barrows, Dylan Thomas, and 2 more like this
Post by SportsEntertainmentXpress on Nov 14, 2020 16:17:38 GMT -6
Darkness has fallen on the GCWA, and it has fallen upon your television screen. Through the darkness cuts the chill but raspy voice of Terry Marshall.
The world descends further and further into madness and chaos. Up is down, left is right, wrong is right, bad is cool. People hold up a man who supports the murder of unborn babies because his opponent talks mean. People back liars and believe pandering. You can't trust the people that give you information. People ingest garbage mentally, physically, and emotionally 24/7, 365, and then wonder why things are the way they are. Simply put, the world has truly lost its ever-loving mind.
Only in a world of darkness, can a man who shines a light be looked at as a fool. I promote hard work, truth, faith, and patriotism, and all I hear is how I'm over the hill and a fool. I didn't turn my back on the world, the world turned its back on me. I might be an outsider, but when I stand back and look at what I'm standing on the outside of, I'm damn proud to be an outsider Jack.
It seems like we have enemies on all fronts assaulting us. Hasn’t it been that way since day one though? At first, we were ridiculed for our old school style, but brother if it wasn’t my school you wouldn’t have learned a damn thing. Then they saw our success, saw how the fans got behind us, how our merch moved off the table, and how our appearance moved the needle of the Nielson numbers. So, they did what anyone does when they don’t understand something, they ridicule it, all while secretly fearing it. We started getting attacked from all sides, we started being played by the numbers and by the system. We fought with honor and played by the rules, and all that got us was screwed over.
Well, if you can’t beat um, join um. And that is exactly what we did, we joined the world of the baddies with a good old-fashioned heel turn. Now that we are all playing the same game, all playing with no rules and no honor the tables are turning. We are the ones who have left our opponents laying with blindside attacks and used the numbers to our advantage. We aren’t from this dark world, we are the outsiders…the Nefarious Wrestling Outsiders, and when are N-W-O, you are N-W-O for life.
For, for, for, faaaaaa, FOR LIFE!
The following announcement has been paid for by the Nefarious Wrestling Outsiders.
People can’t believe the change they have seen in me, well believe it, Jack. Too Sweet Terry Marshall is legit, too legit to quit, and if you don’t like that then you can STICK IT!
Guitar riffs and quick panning in and out of the camera, crash TV style. Dark Lord holds a bat in his hands that he stares at while speaking, never looking at the camera.
Sinners, you bitched and moaned, and you whined and cried about never getting a fair shot. Week after week you’d lose, and you’d make a new excuse, all the while Terry Marshall and I stayed the course and battled all comers, but it was you Sinners who kept coming into our path. We pulled you in like a black hole, and now you two so-called “stars” will explode as our gravitational pull on you causes a supernova. Do you know what another event is a supernova? THE BIG BAAAAAAAAANNNNNNGGGG!
Quick camera cut to Marshall, who looks like your dad after a six-pack at a cookout.
YO MARCUS! Ya wanna know why I drew a dick on your head? It’s because… YOU ARE A DICK HEAD!
A picture of Marcus with a dick on his head appears and then spins out back to the NWO.
Sinners, the good book tells us in Romans 3:23 that all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God. Well at Darkness Falls you two sinners will gall short of the glory of the N-W-O!
Stardate: 20201411
Set course, destination Planet Spaceball.
We really going after Helmet brother?
Yes, if Helmet wants a war, we will give him a war. Darkness will fall upon Helmet, and it will fall upon his entire planet, just like it will fall on the title reign of the Sinners. There is a lot of darkness coming, and it is us who will blackout the light Terry. So yes, set course for Planet Spaceball, Helmet must be brought to the darkness.
LET’S MASH HIM!
LET’S STRANGLE HIM!
Let’s make him cook a fine dining meal using only ingredients from the middle aisle of the grocery store with only thirty minutes to shop, cook, and plate.
Everyone in the NWO freezes in place, stunned by the level of viciousness from Major Flavor.
Major, this is a war, not a torture session in the pits of Hades.
We will have revenge Flavor, and like gazpacho, revenge is best served cold. Helmet wants to rebel, but he is rebelling against the wrong person, I will shut him down.
Brother, we are the rebellion.
Oh no Terry Marshall, make no mistake about it, we are the empire.
This strikes a nerve with Terry Marshall; his head drops and his eyes grow cold behind his black shades. Had he really turned to the dark side? Marshall thought they were the rebellion, that they were the resistance to the empire of the Legacy and Deanna. But were the NWO really the empire? If so, does that make him Palpatine? This unsettled Marshall a bit, he wanted to be a bad guy to beat the bad guys at their own game, but how far had he taken this, and how far was he willing to take it?
The Starship Desolator enters the cosmos once again, officially giving Terry Marshall more time in space than Peggy Whitson. After a light speed jump and some warp speed, the Desolator arrives at Planet Spaceball. The planet was once a floating mega-metropolis, but what the NWO finds is the remanence of a once-great city amid urban decay, like Detroit and Baltimore of Earth today.
Brother, what is this place?
It was once the largest single city in all the universe, but it appears to have fallen on hard times. Helmet had told me his planet wouldn’t be the same without him, it appears he was telling the truth.
Oh man, I get there are some freaky skanks down there.
I bet the food is awful.
I bet the crime isssssss rampant.
Let’s find Helmet and finish this.
The Desolator lands and the NOW exit the ship decked out in battle gear and with their phasers set way past stun. The crumbling megacity is less populated than a Golden Corral buffet in the summer of 2020. Dark Lord uses a thermal circumference scanner to scan for objects with big round helmets that omit heat. After accidentally stumbling into BBH (big beautiful hut) convention that looked like a pile of Bifford like Lizards rolling around in a slimy ball, and everyone throwing up at the sight of it besides Masher and Strangler, the crew moved on in search of Helmet, and it didn’t take long to find him.
Dark Lord leads the crew into an arena that looks eerily similar to Arrowhead stadium. The crew has their heads on a swivel, but Dark Lord is focused on the thermal circumference scanner. Visibility is low as the natural light of the sun is dimmed by the debris in the atmosphere.
What is this place brother?
It was the national quidditch arena, but it appears to have fallen into disrepair. Maybe Helmet leaving was bad for his planet.
Suddenly the stadium light power up illuminating the field and the NWO. The Outsiders stand back to back in a group, as to give them a vantage point from all angles, but they need not fear a sneak attack. From the tunnel at the end of the scoring area, from the tunnel between the goal baskets emerges Major Helmet.
Helmet marches like a man on a mission, no not King Mable, more like Stone Cold. As Helmet gets closer it is apparent his face shield is lifted and his face is painted with the old stylings of Space Lord. Dark Lord feels a tug on his heartstrings at the sight of his little buddy rocking his old neon paint, but it is quickly shaken off and darkness falls upon Dark Lord’s heart once more.
Helmet stops a few yards away from his old friend and his new bad boy crew.
I knew you would come for me.
This is the way.
Copyright infringement.
Huh?
Never mind. I was hoping we could do this one on one, but I knew you couldn’t face me alone.
YOU DARE QUESTION MY BRAVERY HELMET!?!
No, not you, his.
Helmet points his finger at Major Flavor.
He took my spot, he took my job, but most importantly he took my family.
Dark Lord feels another tug at his heart, and Terry Marshall feels his bottom lip quivery like he is watching a Hallmark commercial.
FORGET THIS SAPPY LITTLE B*TCH!
Dark Lord shakes his head and darkness falls over his heart again. Dark Lord emerges from the group as he steps toward Helmet.
You were never my family, you were my employee, and you were replaceable. I have a new major and a new crew now. I will reward you for your past service and loyalty though. Remove your helmet and kneel, and I shall strike you down quickly.
No, I don’t think I will.
What did you say?
I said no. I knew the entire crew would come, and I knew you had a new crew. So, I went out and got a new crew of my own.
Let me guess, you’re now Captain Helmet?
No, I’m still Major Helmet, I’m no Captain, but he is.
Captain Warf, a Klingon, emerges from the tunnel followed by the rest of the new crew of First Mate Mailman Malone, Sargent Slaughter (the GI Joe version). The captain and crew join Helmet and face off with the NWO.
Dark Lord looks at Helmet and his new crew and begins to laugh.
You are like a Ken doll; you don’t even have privates.
The NWO begins laughing at the childish joke, but their laughter is curved when a familiar voice is heard saying, “Oh, don’t they”?
The voice is that of Bug Girl, and she walks out of a side tunnel followed by Kirk, Pizza, and Spot.
We enlisted in Helmet's new crew, we are now all privates.
I’ve never sssssssseeeen ssssssso many privates in my life.
Lord knows I have.
We are the Warf Pack.
Wolfpack… what a stupid name.
Not Wolfpack, WARF PACK!
Dark Lord steps closer to Warf so that he stands nose to spiked forehead with the Captain.
Are you prepared to lead this crew into battle?
jISaH'a' vay' vISaMlaH
Dark Lord turns to the other members of the NWO.
Do you hear that men? They want a war, and by Zeus, if it is a war they want, IT IS A WAR WE WILL GIVE THEM!
Don’t turn your back on the Warf Pack. You might wind up in a body bag.
Dark Lord turns slowly to look at Major Helmet. Helmet slowly lowers his face shield and scream. The Warf Pack and the NWO both charge head-on into battle.
To be continued…
