Post by SportsEntertainmentXpress on Dec 9, 2020 15:23:53 GMT -6
The following announcement has been paid for by the Nefarious Wrestling Outsiders.
The shot opens to a full moon hanging high in the clear night sky. The view pans down the Terry Marshall, with Madness and Dark Lord standing on either side of him. In the background, small half ovals are seen sticking out of the ground but it is too dark to see exactly what they are. Madness and Dark Lord have their heads bowed as Marshall looks into the camera.
Would you all please join us in a moment of silence as we honor the tag team title reign of SOTF?
Marshall bows his head, and after only a few seconds all three men left their heads and begin laughing.
That moment of silence was about a second for each day the Sinners had the tag team titles before we took those straps from them, and for each second, they will ever hold them again. Zero seconds Jack, because that is how many more times you two jerk-offs will ever hold the GCWA tag team titles. Those titles are where they rightfully belong and where they are going to remain for the duration of our stay in the Barrows playground. Those belts have become the property of the NWO, and everyone knows that once you are NWO, you're NWO four life.
Cut to Dennis Rodman doing the 4-Life hand gesture. Cut back to Madness starring at a statue of a soldier on a horse.
Ya know, the critics said NWO was the dark horse when we won the tag team titles. But, oh yeah brother, we showed ya who the Seabiscuit is, and who needs to be sent off to the glue factory. Yeah, Sinners, let me tell ya when ya walk out to the ring Friday your gonna behold a pale horse and his name that sits pon him is Death, and hell will be following with him. UH HUH, YEAH, DEATH OF YOUR HOPES AND DREAMS SINNERS! AND THE NWO TAKING YA STRAIGHT TO HELL!
Cut to Marshall laughing with flames behind him. Cut to Dark Lord looking into a fresh grave.
It may be the Christmas season, but there will be no tinsel or garland spread, only sorrow, and pain. This hole will be the final resting place of Sinners hopes of reclaiming the tag team titles, but before they begin to bathe in the fiery lakes in the home of Beelzebub, they will experience Hades on Earth, inside Hades in a Cell. Our story… our war, it ends at Inferno, and it ends the only way that it could, in blood, pain, and misery. We will all bleed our own blood, we will all feel pain, but you will be the ones left wallowing in misery, the misery of defeat.
The camera moves to show the inside of the hole, inside are two skeletons spooning. Pan up to reveal the tombstone, that reads “R.I.P Sins Of The Father, Tag Team Champions 11/13/20-11/22/20 & Never Again”. Cut to Marshall.
Sinners, you thought you pulled a fast one last week when you crashed our party. You’ve probably crashed a lot of parties because you two losers never got invited to any parties. You thought you played your cards right and got some licks in with the bat to soften us up. Then you played your Ace in the and cashed in your rematch clause and not just for any match, but for a HIAC match. Well brothers, congratulations you played yourselves.
Dark Lord and Madness come to the side of Marshall.
Sinners, when we finally got you straight up, we beat you. Don’t make any excuses dudes, just admit defeat, because everyone watching at home saw it. And ya know what, we are gonna do it again dudes. This time though, there won’t be any rematch clauses, there won't be any excuses, because you are going to be locked in the cell with us, and we are going to espouse you for the dickheads that you are brother.
You may have been able to bitch and moan every week until you finally got the titles off of Legacy, but homie don’t play that. There won’t be any back and forth, and you won’t be able to question our victories because we will leave no doubt that we are the rightful champions when we beat you two at Inferno.
Madness hands Marshall a can of spray-paint and Marshall laughs as he shakes it and turns to a tombstone behind him. The tombstone is that of The Punisher’s, Marshall laughs as he moves the can around and then steps back revealing a giant penis drawn on Punisher's tombstone.
Static
Now back to the show.
The Elder Elf leads the NOW, and a few elves down a dark and cold path that takes them out of town towards a mansion on a hill. The house is of course decorated for Christmas, but the decorations are much darker than your typical decorations, with dark lights and creepy blow molds.
I thought Santa was supposed to be jolly.
He was originally, but that changed about fifteen years ago. He came down from his house one day and announced extra shifts. The extra shifts never stopped and only got longer as he demanded more and more. A few of us realized we were making more than just the toys delivered on Christmas day, we had been turned into a year-round sweatshop. Some of us began to speak up and soon after Santa rallied his most loyal followers and started a police force that he used to punish anyone who asked questions, and that is where you will find trouble. The Santa Soldiers are as violent as they are loyal. You will have to get through them to get to the big man.
Any chance of a stealth operation, in and out like a rabbit ya know?
He is locked in his room; he only allows Mrs. Claus and a few top-level Elves in. It is like Fort Knox and he is the gold.
We know a thing or two about taking gold people didn’t think we could brother. Ask the GCWA about that.
The NWO and the Elves circle around the back of the hill to a shutdown chairlift. Once the Elves and Santa himself would ski the frozen tundra, but as the work grew more and more there was no time for such play. The NWO and some of the rebel elves scaled the shutdown chair lift and scurried across the cables to the top of the mountain.
Not really sure why the NWO couldn’t have done that in their Ultimate X match.
As the NWO reach the mountain top they move silently, or as silent as the three muscle-bound beasts can move. Dark Lord reaches the back door of the mansion and as his hand touches the handle, he hears the sound of bodies falling behind him. Dark Lord slowly turns to see Santa Soldiers laying in the snow, and from behind two separate inflatables, Marshall and Madness emerge holding their silenced weapons, of Pokki blow darts. Dark Lord nods at his companions as Marshall and Madness take a lookout position.
Dark Lord tries the door, and to his surprise, it’s unlocked. Dark Lord feels this is fishy but enters anyway as he only knows how to move forward and keep attacking. The NWO, followed by the elves, enters into what appears to be a ballroom that looks eerily empty.
Up the stairs, to the left, the room at the end of the hall is Santa’s room.
Where are the other guards?
I’m not sure, maybe assessing the damage from the Abominable.
Or maybe, they aren’t.
Santa appears standing at the top of the staircase. He looks different than you may remember Santa looking, His outfit is more militaristic, and wears a long red cape. He stands with his hands behind his back, looking very serious and dramatic.
HO… HO… HO!
Dark Lord points his lightsaber towards Santa.
You’re coming with us, Fat Man.
Oh, am I? I think maybe you three naughty boys are staying here with me.
From every entrance around the ballroom emerge Santa’s Soldiers, armed to the teeth with Candy cane clubs, gumdrop sticky grenades, holly throwing stars, and reindeer antlers sharpened into deadly weapons.
The NWO is surrounded, and as they look around at their dire situation, Santa laughs with his belly shaking like a bowl full of jelly.
Did you really think you could sneak in here like a Grinch in Whoville? Nothing happens in the North Pole that I don’t know about.
The elder elf steps forward slowly, looking very feeble and fragile. His head is down, as he stops at the base of the staircase.
For far too long my people have broken their backs and worked their fingers to the bone for you. With the fading of your jolliness, there was a fading of our joy. You turned what was the love of our lives of making toys for the good little boys and girls into slave labor. Today, I say no more. We will not live under the heel of your boot any longer, we will rise up. It is better for us to die on our feet than to serve you on our knees.
The elder drops his cane and it falls in slow motion. As the wooden cane clacks against the marble floor, the elder throws his cloak off, revealing a vest full of icicle daggers. The elder looks as if he was in the Matrix as he throws two icicle daggers while doing a backflip. The daggers stick into the skulls of two Santa’s Soldiers, as the elder lands in a crouched position.
Marshall steps forward with a thunderstruck that sends an elf flying through the wall, leaving an elf shaped hole. Madness uses his body as a weapon as he springboards off of an easy chair and launches his body into a group of SS Elves with a plancha. Dark Lord makes a massive swing of his lightsaber, removing several SS Elves. As the pieces of the SS Elf bodies fly from the lightsaber, the slow mow ends and returns to real-time.
The elder runs at Marshall and shouts “launch me”. Marshall catches the elder and launches him towards Santa. As the elder flies through the air, he throws two ice daggers. Santa dodges the daggers, but one grazes his face, slicing his cheek. The Elder lands in front of Santa and goes for another dagger but finds that he is empty. A look of dread comes across the elder’s face as he looks up to see Santa striking him down with a star tree topper.
NOOOOOO!!!
The NWO charge up the stairs, and Santa begins to retreat. As Santa heads down the hall, Dark Lord throws his lightsaber as a javelin and the red glowing saber pierces into the back of the evil Claus, dropping him to the ground. The NWO huddle around the elder.
Did… did you get him?
Uh-huh.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
The Elder expires in the arms of Madness, and the NWO feel the fires of rage being stoked inside of them. They turn their attention and rage back to Santa who is struggling to all fours. Dark Lord grabs the handle of his lightsaber and pulls it from the back of Santa, and Marshall shoves Santa over onto his back with his boot.
JOY TO THE WORLD, SANTA IS DEAD!
With a single swing, Dark Lord decapitates Santa. What the NWO sees though shocks them, it isn’t blood spewing from veins and a severed spinal cord, instead it is sparks cracking from severed cables.
Uh, brothers, what is this?
A droid.
I hate droids.
All three men turn their heads to the door at the end of the hall they were told was Santa’s.
Let’s see who is really behind this enslavement of the Elves and the commercialization of Christmas.
The NWO marches to the door and with a mighty boot, Marshall kicks the door open. Inside, a balled, weaselly looking man shrieks in fear.
Who is this pathetic looking man?
Marshall sneers.
Jeff Bezos.
Marshall grabs Bezos by the collar of the shirt and drags him from the room, down the hall, and to the top of the stairs. The NWO sees that the rebels have overtaken the SS.
REBELS!
The Elves look up to see the NWO holding Bezos.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Marshall throws Bezos over the railing to the floor below where the elves engulf him.
And a happy new year.
Dark Lord scratches his head and asks, “so, are we baby faces again?”.
Marshall laughs.
Brother, we may not have kidnapped Santa, but we just took down Amazon. Trust me, taking out Amazon Prime is much more heelish than kidnapping Santa.
Sweet.
Too sweet.
The NWO raises up the “too sweet” as the elves carry Jeff Bezos out of the ballroom and down into the town.
~Fin
