Post by Jack Puffer on Dec 11, 2020 0:09:40 GMT -6
Announcer: And we all wish Mr. Goldschapps the very best in his recovery from anal reconstructive surgery.
Announcer 2: That we do. He is a nice man.
Announcer: The nicest. And that’ll do it here for the local news...coming up next, a documentary on Mistletoe. Is it sexist? Stay tuned for hard-hitting reporting from Shania Al Simone on this combustible topic.
Announcer 2: I can’t wait.
Announcer: Thanks for tuning in. We’ll see you tomorrow night!
The feed cuts to a shot of mistletoe hanging from the ceiling at a Christmas Party. Dark music begins to play as the once vibrant scene falls away into an ominous monochromatic scheme.
Stern Female Voice: Holiday tradition? Or a prelude to RAPE? We’re going to investigate the origins of this patriarchal practice in the hopes of convincing businesses to ban this dangerous piece of produce from ever -
Suddenly, we cut away.
Man at News Desk: We apologize for cutting away but there’s an urgent news conference about to take place featuring GCWA talent, Jack Puffer. We’re going there live.
Inside a press conference room, two reporters are at a concession table. Our entire POV has switched from a news broadcast to insight into the very scene itself. Some might even call this POV ‘intimate’. The two reporters are filling small cups with coffee.
Reporter 1: Man, I can’t wait to hear what Jack Puffer has to say.
Reporter 2: Same. He’s been embroiled in that feud with Depth for almost a year. Finally, he gets to break free and really spread his wings. I think he’s a legit favorite to win the Righteous Rumble.
Reporter 1: Oh, I’d definitely agree. Trained and mentored by Dean and Derek Mobley? This guy has gone from jobber to pro wrestling prodigy. I couldn’t BE more excited to see what he has in store for us this week...and, well, tonight.
Reporter 2: Yep. Heavy artillery in this Rumble. Puffer is going to have to hit hard in the creative department as well as the area of promo. Something he’s never done before. But, he’s had over a month to prepare. I think we’re in store for something special.
Reporter 1: I know my pants are tightened due to my rock hard erection. Yours?
Reporter 2: I have ED.
Reporter 1: Oh, well, I’m sure if you could, you’d…
He pops a blue tablet.
Reporter 1: Oh.
Reporter 2: Never like feeling left out. C’mon, let’s take our giant erections over to the press area and prepare for greatness. Puffer’s scheduled to speak in about five minutes!
They take their seat. We cut back to the News Desk.
Man at News Desk: For those of you just joining us, Jack Puffer is scheduled to hold a press conference in a few short moments concerning his spot in the Righteous Rumble. We will remain with this broadcast until he is finished. The documentary about mistletoe being sexist will air in its entirety when we are finished.
We cut back to the intimate POV.
Reporter 1: Coffee is a bit stale.
Reporter 2: Really? I think it tastes fine.
Reporter 1: I guess we just have disparate opinions on what good coffee tastes like.
Reporter 2: I guess.
Silence.
Reporter 1: How much longer till THE PUFF MAN gets out here with some hard-hitting words?
Reporter 2: According to my timepiece he should be out here in about 2 and a half minutes.
Reporter 1: Sweet. Man, hard-ons are so uncomfortable in tight slacks when you’re sitting down.
Reporter 2: Tell me about it. At least yours has a chance of shrinking down at any moment. I’m in it for the long haul.
We cut back to the News Desk.
Man at News Desk: For those of you just joining us, Jack Puffer, a man of some holds and many stories, is scheduled to deliver a press conference in a few, short moments concerning his stance as a favorite in the Righteous Rumble. The documentary “Mistletoe Misogyny” will resume at the conclusion of Mr. Puffer’s powerful words.
We cut back to the intimate POV.
Reporter 1: Okay, it’s time. Where is he?
Reporter 2: Must be running late.
Reporter 1: Fashionably late. A true pro.
Reporter 2: Yep. This guy has all the tricks down. He’s gonna win this Righteous Rumble.
Reporter 1: Can I ask you something and you not take offense or make any snap judgments?
Reporter 2: I won’t mow your lawn, man.
Reporter 1: No, not that. You mind rubbing me out? I really don’t think I can sit here and concentrate on what the great Puffer is going to say with this raging hard-on.
Reporter 2: Isn’t that kinda gay?
Reporter 1: You said you wouldn’t judge. Besides, I think gay would be refusing to do it out of the fear you’d be deemed gay.
Reporter 2: You may have a point.
Reporter 1: Look, I’d do the same for you...only, I don’t think it would alleviate anything.
We cut back to the News Desk.
Man at News Desk: For those of you just joining us, Jack Puffer, future GCWA World Champion and Righteous Rumble winner, will be giving the press conference to end all press conferences momentarily. The eye-opening documentary “Mistletoe Misconduct” will air immediately following Mr. Puffer and his life-changing words.
We cut back to the intimate POV.
Reporter 2: Here are some napkins.
Reporter 1: Thanks. Didn’t think I’d unload that much. Your help is appreciated. I’ll let you get in the first question.
Reporter 2: I believe I’ve earned as much. Speaking of...he’s five minutes late. You think he’s okay?
Reporter 1: Oh, for sure. He’s really building it up. The tension is getting thicker and thicker with every minute he makes us wait. He knows this. It’s a total superstar act. This guy is on his way to becoming a legend.
Reporter 2: You’re right. I shouldn’t question an artist’s motives. They know more about this stuff than I ever could.
Reporter 1: That’s why we’re over here and they are up there.
Reporter 2: Truth.
Reporter 1: So, how’s Wendy?
Reporter 2: Don’t get me started. I checked the Amazon charges earlier today and, well…
Reporter 1: Oof
We cut back to the News Desk.
Man at News Desk: For those of you just joining us, the inconquerable Jack Puffer will be delivering a speech carrying fear straight into the hearts of his Righteous Rumble competitors in a few short minutes. The dramatic documentary “Massacre Under The Mistletoe” will air immediately at the conclusion of Mr. Puffer’s eloquent dialogue.
We cut back to the intimate POV.
Reporter 2: You think Sandra over there is staring at my boner?
Reporter 1: Maybe. It’s hard to tell. She’s got that lazy eye, you know.
Reporter 2: I'd like to think she is.
Reporter 1: Then think that, man. Don’t let me rain on your prideful parade.
Reporter 2: Hmm. Looks like he’s over ten minutes late. At what point do we get worried?
Reporter 1: Never. He’s an artist. He knows what he’s doing.
Reporter 2: I mean, he could have been eaten by wolves or something.
Reporter 1: We’re in Texas.
Reporter 2: A chupacabra, then. You get what I mean, though.
Reporter 1: Artists don’t operate via time. Just relax. Maybe go say hi to Sandra...get that rock hard cock eye level. Find out for sure if she’s been eyeing it.
Back to the News Desk.
Man at News Desk: For those of you just joining us, Prince Jack Puffer of Pro Wrestling Court will be giving a soon-to-be heralded speech in mere moments. A speech that could prevent the Righteous Rumble from taking place due to its devastating nature. The diabolic documentary known politely as “Macabre Mistletoe” will begin airing immediately at the conclusion of Jack Puffer’s wise words.
Back to the intimate POV.
Reporter 1: Damn, you okay?
Reporter 2: Didn’t know Sheila hit that hard. Guess she really wasn’t eyeing my massive boner.
Reporter 1: She should get that lazy eye fixed.
Reporter 2: Seriously. Kinda wish Puffer would hurry up and get here. Only thing stinging worse than my face is my pride.
Reporter 1: You can’t rush greatness. He’s coming. Trust me. When he gets here...it’s going to be so, so worth it.
Reporter 2: You’ve never been wrong. In you, I will place my trust.
Reporter 1: Die Hard is not a Christmas movie.
Reporter 2: Don’t overstep.
Back to the News Desk.
Man at News Desk: For those of you just joining us, his royal highness, Jack ‘Prince of Princes’ Puffer will be giving the official statement regarding the Righteous Rumble in a few magnificent minutes. The draconian documentary entitled “Mistletoe Mishaps Manifesting Murder” will air immediately at its conclusion.
Back to the intimate POV.
Reporter 1: I still can’t believe Louie ate rat poison.
Reporter 2: Could happen to the best of us, especially this time of year.
Reporter 1: True.
A door opens behind the podium.
Reporter 1: Oh shit!
Reporter 2: I’m bursting through my pants!
A man in a suit emerges. He straightens up the mic and makes sure it’s hot. He turns and heads back through the door.
Reporter 1: Darn.
Reporter 2: False alarm.
Reporter 1: Don’t worry. He’s coming. And, when he gets here, it’s going to be unlike anything you’ve ever seen.
Reporter 2: I’m all in.
We cut away.
Announcer 2: That we do. He is a nice man.
Announcer: The nicest. And that’ll do it here for the local news...coming up next, a documentary on Mistletoe. Is it sexist? Stay tuned for hard-hitting reporting from Shania Al Simone on this combustible topic.
Announcer 2: I can’t wait.
Announcer: Thanks for tuning in. We’ll see you tomorrow night!
The feed cuts to a shot of mistletoe hanging from the ceiling at a Christmas Party. Dark music begins to play as the once vibrant scene falls away into an ominous monochromatic scheme.
Stern Female Voice: Holiday tradition? Or a prelude to RAPE? We’re going to investigate the origins of this patriarchal practice in the hopes of convincing businesses to ban this dangerous piece of produce from ever -
Suddenly, we cut away.
Man at News Desk: We apologize for cutting away but there’s an urgent news conference about to take place featuring GCWA talent, Jack Puffer. We’re going there live.
Inside a press conference room, two reporters are at a concession table. Our entire POV has switched from a news broadcast to insight into the very scene itself. Some might even call this POV ‘intimate’. The two reporters are filling small cups with coffee.
Reporter 1: Man, I can’t wait to hear what Jack Puffer has to say.
Reporter 2: Same. He’s been embroiled in that feud with Depth for almost a year. Finally, he gets to break free and really spread his wings. I think he’s a legit favorite to win the Righteous Rumble.
Reporter 1: Oh, I’d definitely agree. Trained and mentored by Dean and Derek Mobley? This guy has gone from jobber to pro wrestling prodigy. I couldn’t BE more excited to see what he has in store for us this week...and, well, tonight.
Reporter 2: Yep. Heavy artillery in this Rumble. Puffer is going to have to hit hard in the creative department as well as the area of promo. Something he’s never done before. But, he’s had over a month to prepare. I think we’re in store for something special.
Reporter 1: I know my pants are tightened due to my rock hard erection. Yours?
Reporter 2: I have ED.
Reporter 1: Oh, well, I’m sure if you could, you’d…
He pops a blue tablet.
Reporter 1: Oh.
Reporter 2: Never like feeling left out. C’mon, let’s take our giant erections over to the press area and prepare for greatness. Puffer’s scheduled to speak in about five minutes!
They take their seat. We cut back to the News Desk.
Man at News Desk: For those of you just joining us, Jack Puffer is scheduled to hold a press conference in a few short moments concerning his spot in the Righteous Rumble. We will remain with this broadcast until he is finished. The documentary about mistletoe being sexist will air in its entirety when we are finished.
We cut back to the intimate POV.
Reporter 1: Coffee is a bit stale.
Reporter 2: Really? I think it tastes fine.
Reporter 1: I guess we just have disparate opinions on what good coffee tastes like.
Reporter 2: I guess.
Silence.
Reporter 1: How much longer till THE PUFF MAN gets out here with some hard-hitting words?
Reporter 2: According to my timepiece he should be out here in about 2 and a half minutes.
Reporter 1: Sweet. Man, hard-ons are so uncomfortable in tight slacks when you’re sitting down.
Reporter 2: Tell me about it. At least yours has a chance of shrinking down at any moment. I’m in it for the long haul.
We cut back to the News Desk.
Man at News Desk: For those of you just joining us, Jack Puffer, a man of some holds and many stories, is scheduled to deliver a press conference in a few, short moments concerning his stance as a favorite in the Righteous Rumble. The documentary “Mistletoe Misogyny” will resume at the conclusion of Mr. Puffer’s powerful words.
We cut back to the intimate POV.
Reporter 1: Okay, it’s time. Where is he?
Reporter 2: Must be running late.
Reporter 1: Fashionably late. A true pro.
Reporter 2: Yep. This guy has all the tricks down. He’s gonna win this Righteous Rumble.
Reporter 1: Can I ask you something and you not take offense or make any snap judgments?
Reporter 2: I won’t mow your lawn, man.
Reporter 1: No, not that. You mind rubbing me out? I really don’t think I can sit here and concentrate on what the great Puffer is going to say with this raging hard-on.
Reporter 2: Isn’t that kinda gay?
Reporter 1: You said you wouldn’t judge. Besides, I think gay would be refusing to do it out of the fear you’d be deemed gay.
Reporter 2: You may have a point.
Reporter 1: Look, I’d do the same for you...only, I don’t think it would alleviate anything.
We cut back to the News Desk.
Man at News Desk: For those of you just joining us, Jack Puffer, future GCWA World Champion and Righteous Rumble winner, will be giving the press conference to end all press conferences momentarily. The eye-opening documentary “Mistletoe Misconduct” will air immediately following Mr. Puffer and his life-changing words.
We cut back to the intimate POV.
Reporter 2: Here are some napkins.
Reporter 1: Thanks. Didn’t think I’d unload that much. Your help is appreciated. I’ll let you get in the first question.
Reporter 2: I believe I’ve earned as much. Speaking of...he’s five minutes late. You think he’s okay?
Reporter 1: Oh, for sure. He’s really building it up. The tension is getting thicker and thicker with every minute he makes us wait. He knows this. It’s a total superstar act. This guy is on his way to becoming a legend.
Reporter 2: You’re right. I shouldn’t question an artist’s motives. They know more about this stuff than I ever could.
Reporter 1: That’s why we’re over here and they are up there.
Reporter 2: Truth.
Reporter 1: So, how’s Wendy?
Reporter 2: Don’t get me started. I checked the Amazon charges earlier today and, well…
Reporter 1: Oof
We cut back to the News Desk.
Man at News Desk: For those of you just joining us, the inconquerable Jack Puffer will be delivering a speech carrying fear straight into the hearts of his Righteous Rumble competitors in a few short minutes. The dramatic documentary “Massacre Under The Mistletoe” will air immediately at the conclusion of Mr. Puffer’s eloquent dialogue.
We cut back to the intimate POV.
Reporter 2: You think Sandra over there is staring at my boner?
Reporter 1: Maybe. It’s hard to tell. She’s got that lazy eye, you know.
Reporter 2: I'd like to think she is.
Reporter 1: Then think that, man. Don’t let me rain on your prideful parade.
Reporter 2: Hmm. Looks like he’s over ten minutes late. At what point do we get worried?
Reporter 1: Never. He’s an artist. He knows what he’s doing.
Reporter 2: I mean, he could have been eaten by wolves or something.
Reporter 1: We’re in Texas.
Reporter 2: A chupacabra, then. You get what I mean, though.
Reporter 1: Artists don’t operate via time. Just relax. Maybe go say hi to Sandra...get that rock hard cock eye level. Find out for sure if she’s been eyeing it.
Back to the News Desk.
Man at News Desk: For those of you just joining us, Prince Jack Puffer of Pro Wrestling Court will be giving a soon-to-be heralded speech in mere moments. A speech that could prevent the Righteous Rumble from taking place due to its devastating nature. The diabolic documentary known politely as “Macabre Mistletoe” will begin airing immediately at the conclusion of Jack Puffer’s wise words.
Back to the intimate POV.
Reporter 1: Damn, you okay?
Reporter 2: Didn’t know Sheila hit that hard. Guess she really wasn’t eyeing my massive boner.
Reporter 1: She should get that lazy eye fixed.
Reporter 2: Seriously. Kinda wish Puffer would hurry up and get here. Only thing stinging worse than my face is my pride.
Reporter 1: You can’t rush greatness. He’s coming. Trust me. When he gets here...it’s going to be so, so worth it.
Reporter 2: You’ve never been wrong. In you, I will place my trust.
Reporter 1: Die Hard is not a Christmas movie.
Reporter 2: Don’t overstep.
Back to the News Desk.
Man at News Desk: For those of you just joining us, his royal highness, Jack ‘Prince of Princes’ Puffer will be giving the official statement regarding the Righteous Rumble in a few magnificent minutes. The draconian documentary entitled “Mistletoe Mishaps Manifesting Murder” will air immediately at its conclusion.
Back to the intimate POV.
Reporter 1: I still can’t believe Louie ate rat poison.
Reporter 2: Could happen to the best of us, especially this time of year.
Reporter 1: True.
A door opens behind the podium.
Reporter 1: Oh shit!
Reporter 2: I’m bursting through my pants!
A man in a suit emerges. He straightens up the mic and makes sure it’s hot. He turns and heads back through the door.
Reporter 1: Darn.
Reporter 2: False alarm.
Reporter 1: Don’t worry. He’s coming. And, when he gets here, it’s going to be unlike anything you’ve ever seen.
Reporter 2: I’m all in.
We cut away.