Allow me to introduce myself.
Dec 13, 2020 2:54:55 GMT -6
Deana Barrows, Jack Puffer, and 2 more like this
Post by Thunder Knuckles on Dec 13, 2020 2:54:55 GMT -6
The scene opens to the back of a man's head. You see luscious curly locks in the shape of a gorgeous brown mullet. The man turns to reveal who he is...
IT'S THUNDER KNUCKLES! Who is inside one of BOB’s many, many, stash houses located across the United States. In this particular stash house, you can see bales of cocaine directly behind him. Thunder Knuckles looks over his shoulder noticing that you’ve probably noticed the cocaine.
IT'S THUNDER KNUCKLES! Who is inside one of BOB’s many, many, stash houses located across the United States. In this particular stash house, you can see bales of cocaine directly behind him. Thunder Knuckles looks over his shoulder noticing that you’ve probably noticed the cocaine.
That?
Thunder Knuckles looks back into the camera.
How about? Don’t worry fucking about that. Let’s get to work goddamn it.
Thunder Knuckles changing the subject to why you’re all here watching his recorded promo.
A lot of people fucking ask me. They say, Thunder Knuckles you’re a fucking XWF megastar does making money ever get old? Do you know what I say to those people?
Thunder Knuckles waits for the GCWA marks at home to answer their television sets.
I say that's some shit poor people say. Then I fucking dismiss them like the fucking cockroaches that they are.
Thunder Knuckles winks into the camera.
Man, I sure wish you fuckers in GCWA could see some of my bank accounts. Fuck man, I’m gonna have to keep one here. I heard that you mother fuckers pay! That’s why I'm here goddamn it. I also hear you have a club that no one has reached yet. Well, mother fuckers, I’m about to rock your fucking socks off because ‘Ol Thunder Knuckles is about to fill that fucking spot for you.
Thunder Knuckles rolls his eyes knowing the GCWA fans have no fucking clue as to what he’s talking about.
I know what you're thinking.
Thunder Knuckles changes his voice to a more nasally whiny tone, mimicking what he thinks GCWA fans sound like.
What spot is he talking about?
Thunder Knuckles breaks the tone.
It’s easy mother fuckers… Todd! Wait… Todd doesn’t work here… Fuck… Um… Hey! Dude who does the editing of these fucking recorded promos for GCWA. That sounds dumb, fuck it, your name is Todd now. Todd, show the clip!
Opportunity. That’s what I'm seizing Goddamn it. A chance to face off against GCWA’s Champion James mother fucking Raven. People will pay big money to see James Raven versus ‘Ol Thunder Knuckles. Stretching farther than just the GCWA Universe. I’ll tell you that right fucking now. Hell, after I win this fucking thing. Who knows? Maybe, just maybe, I'll sell my shot at Jimbo. Wouldn’t be the first time that I’ve done something like that. Not that any of you flee bags in GCWA would know anything about that.
Thunder Knuckles cracks a smile knowing the ire he’s receiving from the GCWA locker room.
What? You don't like what I'm saying? Fucking deal with it. I've got a fucking advantage going into this match that not very many people have. You see I'm a FIVE-TIME BACK TO BACK Mid-Western Ohio Hide and go seek champion. Yeah, While you fucking clowns are in there fighting like a bunch of fucking idiots. I'm going to be biding my time waiting, picking, and choosing who I'm going to eliminate. After all, you get paid TWO THOUSAND per elimination. Play it fucking smart, all the way down to the very end.
Thunder Knuckles gives a jerking-off motion in which he's made famous in XWF.
Shawn! I see you entered the Righteous Rumble. I wrote that shit down real big and circled it. Check it out!
Thunder Knuckles shows his cheat sheet to the camera. Indeed, Shawn’s name is on the top, circled, in what seems like, red Sharpe.
Tired of not being the top guy in Legacy? North American Champion isn’t enough for you? I guess, once a junkie, always a junkie. Don't get me fucking wrong, Shawn. I’m not going to come out and say you're talentless. Whoever says that is a complete fucking idiot. You got a lot of natural talents. Waking up every day and being you. Yet still not killing yourself. That’s a fucking accomplishment only you can pull off. So, good for you!
Thunder Knuckles has a shit-eating grin on his face, as he shrugs.
I’m here for the much more talented James Raven. No one wants to see Shawn versus Raven. Why? So we can see Raven have a good old fashioned victory lap over you like he has many fucking times before? Fuck no. Legacy, fuck that, more like the Raven Protection Agency.
Thunder Knuckles’s demeanor is oozing overconfidence.
The former champion of this company might have run to the hills when she got placed up against James, but 'Ol Thunder Knuckles, ain't no bitch. I'll run up that fucking hill and meet Raven like a goddamn man.
Anyone else I know in this mother fucker?
Thunder Knuckles looks down at a cheat sheet.
Outcast, he must be local talent with a name like that.
Thunder Knuckles looks past the obvious jobber.
Terry Marshall, don't give a fuck.
Thunder Knuckles looks into the camera.
What's going on with this fucking match! Where are the fucking names I'd know?! I'm not used to being in the fucking bush leagues.
Thunder Knuckles looks down at his paper again and now begins to smile.
Jack Puffer, cool fucking name. Too bad he's gotta go. Next!
Thunder Knuckles still looking down at his cheat sheet. He looks upset, shaking his head, and looks up into the camera once again.
A Lesbian Cabernathy
Thunder Knuckles still shaking his head in disbelief. He starts making a jerking off motion again.
2020 no one cares you’re gay!
Thunder Knuckles looks back down at his sheet.
What a stupid fucking name! Mike Zybala, you can tell the mother fucker is already ready for a fucking nap. Don't worry, Fuck-o, I'll make sure it's a short night for you.
Thunder Knuckles reaches off camera and grabs a cigar. He places it in his mouth.
Dave Branson and Dylan Thomas, “The A-List”. A-list of fucking what? Never heard of them and that fucking says something. I know who the fuck Warthog is and from what I can tell he's not even D-list.
Thunder Knuckles pulls out a gold Zippo lighter and lights his cigar. He looks back down at his paper. smoke is in his way and he waves it away.
Let's see... There we are.
Thunder Knuckles doesn't look pleased but takes a drag, expelling the smoke from his nostrils as he speaks.
Raging Dead, bet he's a fucking zombie. Just fucking know it! There's always a fucking zombie. If he's not a fucking zombie he fucking wishes he was. Dumb.
Thunder Knuckles starts to make a jerking off motion but decides a shitty zombie doesn't even deserve it and stops. Thunder Knuckles eyes grow wide looking back at his cheat sheet. Thunder Knuckles takes a drag of his cigar and blows out the smoke.
Ahhh, here we go, Marcus Ka'Derrion and Xavier Lux. These are the guys who lucked-the-fuck out and beat Legacy for the GCWA tag titles. Wait a Goddamn minute. That wasn't them? Oh well, genital-men, you're fucking luck has just run out. You've never shared the ring with someone with the swagger of 'Ol Thunder Knuckles. It's not arrogance mother fuckers, it's confidence. You, jack-offs, just wish you had this swagger.
Thunder Knuckles looks down at his cheat sheet again and smiles with the cigar in his mouth not taking a drag. The next name on the list makes him happy.
Atara Themis, she's pretty! Anyone else thinks she's pretty? ............. Pretty fucking eliminated. Tally-fucking-ho then, moving on.
Thunder Knuckles winks into the camera for Atara and takes a drag of his cigar then blows smoke rings. Noticing he's getting distracted he looks back down at his sheet.
Betsy Granger, seem like a nice person. Well, there's no fucking time in this business for nice fucking people. Nice people get chewed-the-fuck up and spit-the-fuck out. However, Betsy did lose 'Ol Thunder Knuckles FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND of the best currency in the fucking world. XBUX! For those who don't know what XBUX are. Imagine getting paid a currency that is far superior to the United States dollars. That's fucking XBUX.
Thunder Knuckles cracks his knuckles with the cigar placed firmly between his lips like a true gangster.
Ed Houston, I've been told this mother fucker has his head in the clouds. Thinks he's fucking Elton fucking John or some shit. Reality is about to crash, the fuck, down on your head, shit-stain. Just like the rest of these goddamned losers.
Thunder Knuckles looks down at his sheet once more. As he’s reading off names, he’s waving his hand with the lit cigar in a circle. As if to say, hurry up, hurry up.
Alice Knight, no one gives a hoot. Kylie Moore, don’t fucking care, Cartier, another stupid fucking name.
Thunder Knuckles takes a deep drag of his cigar this time. He smiles obnoxiously into the camera, as the smoke slowly seeps out until he exhales completely.
Jackson Hart is like the broke-ass version of someone talented. Get your weight up, hombre.
Thunder Knuckles’s smile turns from obnoxious to a genuine smile, as he reads the next name on his cheat sheet.
Noah Jackson! Now that’s my fucking dude though, for real! Unfortunately, he’s part of Legacy and only going to protect James Raven. XWF fans around the world, cause fuck these lame-ass fucking GCWA fans, they want a James Raven versus Thunder Knuckles match. Sorry, Noah, you gotta go.
Thunder Knuckles looks at his cigar before taking a puff, it’s growing shorter, as he steadily puffs away looking over his list like Santa.
The Big Bifford, now that's a fucking name. A fucking legend in this company. The only thing legend means is famous. Do you know how you get famous in this industry, mother fuckers? Beating other fucking famous people. Make no mistake about it, this lard ass is getting eliminated.
Thunder Knuckles still looking at his list smiles facetiously.
PerZag, the fucking jobber guy Graves was telling me about. Nothing special all the way down to his ring attire. Lame.
Thunder Knuckles scans the rest of his cheat sheet.
Enforcer, another fucking stepping stone, moving on. Anonymous, Anonymous, Anonymous, blah, blah, blah. Chad Vargas, Sara Cross. Jesus! This feels like an endless pool of fucking bullshit.
Thunder Knuckles ashes his cigar and asks a simple question, but immediately responds to it.
Do you think I'm leaving anyone out? Nah, mother fuckers.
These two Bobbie’s that Obliterate Bitches, they're with me. That's Michael Graves, you've had the pleasure of meeting him… Err… Her already. This mountain of a fucking man is Bobby "mother fucking" Bourbon. He’s once-beaten your top guy. Yeah, it’s true. Think he’s going to be easy? You’d be dead fucking wrong. BOB is here now, time to #JoinUsBOB.
Thunder Knuckle’s cigar is getting shorter. As he takes what will be his last puff, from the hand-rolled tobacco leafed goodness, his attitude changes to strickly business. He crumbles up his cheat sheet and tosses it behind himself.
Now that I'm done with Jimmy's cheat sheet that I barely looked-the-fuck over. You'll meet that spaz later I'm sure. First things, fucking last, I guess. Stout-fucking-hearted I know this fucking rumble is mine to win. Because I'm fucking Thunder Knuckles. I'm the man with the most devastating move in professional rassling history, the Thunder Strike, if you fuckers didn’t know. I’m also the man who's come to show you fucks how to properly execute it! That’s why I’m better than everyone in this mother fucking rumble. GCWA you’re going to find out that Thunder Knuckles is a lot like the Ohio fucking turnpike.
Thunder Knuckles waits for the real fans, XWF fans, to mark out.
You’ll have to pay the fucking toll!
Thunder Knuckles now has a cocky smile on his face as he tosses his cigar away.
Oh, hey, James. While I got your fucking attention. You know me. These fucks are standing between me and a big fucking payday. FIFTY THOUSAND dollars for winning this fucking rumble. TWO THOUSAND per elimination. You know, I'm not scared of you, or any other person on his planet, for that fucking matter. After I toss out these other ass clowns. It's ME and YOU and another fucking massive fucking payday. I hope you’re ready.
With his cocky smile intact. He raises his arms and slaps Graves and Bourbon's shoulders, as a sign of unity. Your screen fades gently to black to the sight of that action.
Thunder Knuckle’s cigar is getting shorter. As he takes what will be his last puff, from the hand-rolled tobacco leafed goodness, his attitude changes to strickly business. He crumbles up his cheat sheet and tosses it behind himself.
Now that I'm done with Jimmy's cheat sheet that I barely looked-the-fuck over. You'll meet that spaz later I'm sure. First things, fucking last, I guess. Stout-fucking-hearted I know this fucking rumble is mine to win. Because I'm fucking Thunder Knuckles. I'm the man with the most devastating move in professional rassling history, the Thunder Strike, if you fuckers didn’t know. I’m also the man who's come to show you fucks how to properly execute it! That’s why I’m better than everyone in this mother fucking rumble. GCWA you’re going to find out that Thunder Knuckles is a lot like the Ohio fucking turnpike.
Thunder Knuckles waits for the real fans, XWF fans, to mark out.
You’ll have to pay the fucking toll!
Thunder Knuckles now has a cocky smile on his face as he tosses his cigar away.
Oh, hey, James. While I got your fucking attention. You know me. These fucks are standing between me and a big fucking payday. FIFTY THOUSAND dollars for winning this fucking rumble. TWO THOUSAND per elimination. You know, I'm not scared of you, or any other person on his planet, for that fucking matter. After I toss out these other ass clowns. It's ME and YOU and another fucking massive fucking payday. I hope you’re ready.
With his cocky smile intact. He raises his arms and slaps Graves and Bourbon's shoulders, as a sign of unity. Your screen fades gently to black to the sight of that action.