Galactic Alien Yakuza Syndicate
Dec 15, 2020 0:12:45 GMT -6
Deana Barrows, Dylan Thomas, and 2 more like this
Post by VACANT on Dec 15, 2020 0:12:45 GMT -6
There are times in life when men have to rise to the occasion and become something greater than they already are. My time has come. I've been able to secure a spot in the GCWA Righteous Rumble, and when I win, I will be a #1 contender to the world's title. I simply cannot wait. This is going to be epic.
Last Sunday my buddies and I decided to venture out to a couple towns across from us to participate in an underground LARP battle. They called it Dungeon Siege. They just banned any non-essential outdoor activities, so we couldn't use our regular spot. They actually banned any indoor activities also. But rules are meant to be broken. And let me tell you, that dungeon siege had the makings of the most epic battle ever until the Police came and broke it all up. Let me tell you how it went down.
5 of us packed into Larry's VW Bug and drove about 60 minutes to the secret location. When we got there we were greeted by a little asian guy.
"What is the password?", He asked us as he gripped the bottom of his sword.
We all replied in unison, "Dead men tell no tales."
The Asian guy called himself Lord Elvis, he swung his hips and arms in a funny motion and let us inside.
These guys had turned an abandoned warehouse into a medieval dungeon fortress. There were cages, walls to climb, random trash everywhere.
"okay team this is time to shine. If we win this battle, our legend will be heard from far and wide and all throughout the lands. The Galactic Alien Yakuza Syndicate will be revered throughout the LARPing world. On three.."
We put our hands together and yelled. "G!A!Y!S... We are the BEST!! G!A!Y!S. YES YES YES!!"
I know that every time we do our chant the other groups look at us funny, but I'm sure they are just jealous that we have such a unique team name.
Sometimes it's hard to keep track of everything that happens. Bucky was wearing chainmail and wore a bucket over his head with holes poked in for his eye. His sword was a little too heavy for him to carry. Some fat guy in overalls came from the side and jabbed him repeatedly. I swore to get vengeance on for him.
While I was hiding behind a haystack I actually witnessed a great battle between Larry and some old guy in leather chaps.
"I am InCast, the most fearsome warrior of all the kingdom." He called out.
Larry giggled and said, "You are also the oldest."
He and Larry lunged and poked and jabbed each other for nearly 5 minutes until they ended up by the giant wall.
The old guy InCast was panting heavily and grabbing his chest. Larry thought he was having a heart attack. In his moment of hesitation, InCast thrust his sword into Larry's gut and kicked him.
InCast never saw me coming as I lunged my saber into his rear.
"Hey what the fuck man?" was all he could muster before I took the saber and glided it up to his back and I sun around and swiped at his neck. He was a goner.
It was mayhem, I couldn't tell anymore who was on whose side. 2 of my team had already been eliminated. There was a group of chicks in skimpy outfits that were flashing their tits and then leading the fools into a dungeon only to sabotage them. I got up close, I'd only seen bare boobies twice in my life. So I got up close. One guy was wearing a potato sack with curly blonde hair was being seduced by these nymphs. I was about 15 feet away and I think I saw a nipple. But the curly-haired guy seemed unfazed. He took his mace and swung at the girl, the foam ball bounced off her head, but she had been eliminated. The curly-haired guy barely had time to gloat before I came from behind and slashed him across the back.
I looked up at one of the towers and saw a guy pouring fake blood on himself. It was pretty scary. "It's time to RAGE!!!" he yelled out. Someone actually came from behind and scooped him over and he fell about 10 feet down. It turned out Charlie Schubert scooped him over. The blood-soaked weirdo was writhing in pain on the ground as people checked on him. They stopped the game for 15 minutes. After a brief huddle, they decided that both Charlie and Blood soaked guy was eliminated.
The only people left on my crew were Ashley and me. Now before you go on questioning this, Ashley is a guy. Well, he was a guy, but he's I mean she is transitioning. The Galactic Alien Yakuza Syndicate does not discriminate.
When they restarted the game, I heard some screaming and yelling and instantly knew that it was Ashley. He..she had found the Nymphs and were taking them all out. Ashley can get super loud and crazy when he gets going. We made eye contact and Ahsley raised his spear at me and I nodded at a job well done.
Just as Ashley was about to head my direction, some pale-faced goon in a hooded cloth rushed out and jabbed a wooden spike to his side. Ashley was done for and I was the only one left on my team.
But I welcome adversity, I welcome it when the odds are stacked against me. I looked around the place and saw my opportunity.
To hide. It was bedlam, they all were pre-occupied going after each other that nobody saw me jumping a wheelbarrow. I covered it up with loose hay and sticks and practiced on my breathing. I could hear the pale-faced goon yelling out something about Sundays.
"I'm like Sunday Tiger Woods. I can't be beaten," he yelled out. Two other guys came alongside him and raised their swords in the air. They must have been some sort of team. The fat guy in overalls looked at them and yelled something about ground beef. Just as he was about to bullrush them, I heard sirens and then the sounds of the Police running into the dungeon.
"What the fuck are you guys doing in here?" A policeman called out on a megaphone. "Everybody sit the fuck down. You are in violation of the stay at home order. Dressing up like idiots and battling with fake swords is non-essential. Bring out your fucking IDs. Everyone is getting a $1,000 dollar fine."
As soon as they heard $1,000- that's when all hell broke loose. People were running left and right, jumping out of the windows, and bum-rushing the door. There were not enough Police Officers to apprehend everyone but I think the pale-faced goon and his buddies got caught, so did the nymphs and the fat guy in overalls. I think everyone else got away.
I must have stayed in that wheelbarrow for 2 hours. I may or may not have peed my pants, but I had to wait and make sure the coast was clear. I stuck my head out slowly and looked around. No one was in the warehouse, the cages and dungeons and towers were all torn down. I pulled out my phone and started a Facebook live video. I tagged Larry, Charlie, Bucky and Ashley and then I swung the video around to show the empty warehouse.
"On this day Sunday, December 13 in the year 20 thousand and 20, I Valis Deathbringer declare myself the winner of this Dungeon Siege. I have vanquished all my foes and have avenged all my allies. This is a message to anyone out there in the world of LARPing. Be afraid, be very afraid, for I will be coming to your town and... AHHHHHHH!!!!!"
I had to abruptly end my video as a large black raven, or maybe a crow, or it might have just been a pigeon swooped down from above and swiped at me. I ran the heck out of these. I realized when I got outside that I had no way to get home.
Larry sent me a text telling me that his mom had grounded him for 2 weeks for taking the car out without her permission. So that's how I ended up on the side of the road. I couldn't afford an uber, and I really do thank you kindly for stopping and letting me hitch a ride in your truck. People aren't as nice as they used to be.
What sir? No, I will not suck your penis. What are you suggesting?
Just slow down sir, let me get out, I'm not sucking your penis for a ride back home. This is sick. I'm rolling down this window and jumping out now.
*THUD, THUMP, ROLL*
This armor saved me from any serious damage, but I think I may have twisted my ankle. Fuck.. looks like I have to call my mom.
Last Sunday my buddies and I decided to venture out to a couple towns across from us to participate in an underground LARP battle. They called it Dungeon Siege. They just banned any non-essential outdoor activities, so we couldn't use our regular spot. They actually banned any indoor activities also. But rules are meant to be broken. And let me tell you, that dungeon siege had the makings of the most epic battle ever until the Police came and broke it all up. Let me tell you how it went down.
5 of us packed into Larry's VW Bug and drove about 60 minutes to the secret location. When we got there we were greeted by a little asian guy.
"What is the password?", He asked us as he gripped the bottom of his sword.
We all replied in unison, "Dead men tell no tales."
The Asian guy called himself Lord Elvis, he swung his hips and arms in a funny motion and let us inside.
These guys had turned an abandoned warehouse into a medieval dungeon fortress. There were cages, walls to climb, random trash everywhere.
"okay team this is time to shine. If we win this battle, our legend will be heard from far and wide and all throughout the lands. The Galactic Alien Yakuza Syndicate will be revered throughout the LARPing world. On three.."
We put our hands together and yelled. "G!A!Y!S... We are the BEST!! G!A!Y!S. YES YES YES!!"
I know that every time we do our chant the other groups look at us funny, but I'm sure they are just jealous that we have such a unique team name.
Sometimes it's hard to keep track of everything that happens. Bucky was wearing chainmail and wore a bucket over his head with holes poked in for his eye. His sword was a little too heavy for him to carry. Some fat guy in overalls came from the side and jabbed him repeatedly. I swore to get vengeance on for him.
While I was hiding behind a haystack I actually witnessed a great battle between Larry and some old guy in leather chaps.
"I am InCast, the most fearsome warrior of all the kingdom." He called out.
Larry giggled and said, "You are also the oldest."
He and Larry lunged and poked and jabbed each other for nearly 5 minutes until they ended up by the giant wall.
The old guy InCast was panting heavily and grabbing his chest. Larry thought he was having a heart attack. In his moment of hesitation, InCast thrust his sword into Larry's gut and kicked him.
InCast never saw me coming as I lunged my saber into his rear.
"Hey what the fuck man?" was all he could muster before I took the saber and glided it up to his back and I sun around and swiped at his neck. He was a goner.
It was mayhem, I couldn't tell anymore who was on whose side. 2 of my team had already been eliminated. There was a group of chicks in skimpy outfits that were flashing their tits and then leading the fools into a dungeon only to sabotage them. I got up close, I'd only seen bare boobies twice in my life. So I got up close. One guy was wearing a potato sack with curly blonde hair was being seduced by these nymphs. I was about 15 feet away and I think I saw a nipple. But the curly-haired guy seemed unfazed. He took his mace and swung at the girl, the foam ball bounced off her head, but she had been eliminated. The curly-haired guy barely had time to gloat before I came from behind and slashed him across the back.
I looked up at one of the towers and saw a guy pouring fake blood on himself. It was pretty scary. "It's time to RAGE!!!" he yelled out. Someone actually came from behind and scooped him over and he fell about 10 feet down. It turned out Charlie Schubert scooped him over. The blood-soaked weirdo was writhing in pain on the ground as people checked on him. They stopped the game for 15 minutes. After a brief huddle, they decided that both Charlie and Blood soaked guy was eliminated.
The only people left on my crew were Ashley and me. Now before you go on questioning this, Ashley is a guy. Well, he was a guy, but he's I mean she is transitioning. The Galactic Alien Yakuza Syndicate does not discriminate.
When they restarted the game, I heard some screaming and yelling and instantly knew that it was Ashley. He..she had found the Nymphs and were taking them all out. Ashley can get super loud and crazy when he gets going. We made eye contact and Ahsley raised his spear at me and I nodded at a job well done.
Just as Ashley was about to head my direction, some pale-faced goon in a hooded cloth rushed out and jabbed a wooden spike to his side. Ashley was done for and I was the only one left on my team.
But I welcome adversity, I welcome it when the odds are stacked against me. I looked around the place and saw my opportunity.
To hide. It was bedlam, they all were pre-occupied going after each other that nobody saw me jumping a wheelbarrow. I covered it up with loose hay and sticks and practiced on my breathing. I could hear the pale-faced goon yelling out something about Sundays.
"I'm like Sunday Tiger Woods. I can't be beaten," he yelled out. Two other guys came alongside him and raised their swords in the air. They must have been some sort of team. The fat guy in overalls looked at them and yelled something about ground beef. Just as he was about to bullrush them, I heard sirens and then the sounds of the Police running into the dungeon.
"What the fuck are you guys doing in here?" A policeman called out on a megaphone. "Everybody sit the fuck down. You are in violation of the stay at home order. Dressing up like idiots and battling with fake swords is non-essential. Bring out your fucking IDs. Everyone is getting a $1,000 dollar fine."
As soon as they heard $1,000- that's when all hell broke loose. People were running left and right, jumping out of the windows, and bum-rushing the door. There were not enough Police Officers to apprehend everyone but I think the pale-faced goon and his buddies got caught, so did the nymphs and the fat guy in overalls. I think everyone else got away.
I must have stayed in that wheelbarrow for 2 hours. I may or may not have peed my pants, but I had to wait and make sure the coast was clear. I stuck my head out slowly and looked around. No one was in the warehouse, the cages and dungeons and towers were all torn down. I pulled out my phone and started a Facebook live video. I tagged Larry, Charlie, Bucky and Ashley and then I swung the video around to show the empty warehouse.
"On this day Sunday, December 13 in the year 20 thousand and 20, I Valis Deathbringer declare myself the winner of this Dungeon Siege. I have vanquished all my foes and have avenged all my allies. This is a message to anyone out there in the world of LARPing. Be afraid, be very afraid, for I will be coming to your town and... AHHHHHHH!!!!!"
I had to abruptly end my video as a large black raven, or maybe a crow, or it might have just been a pigeon swooped down from above and swiped at me. I ran the heck out of these. I realized when I got outside that I had no way to get home.
Larry sent me a text telling me that his mom had grounded him for 2 weeks for taking the car out without her permission. So that's how I ended up on the side of the road. I couldn't afford an uber, and I really do thank you kindly for stopping and letting me hitch a ride in your truck. People aren't as nice as they used to be.
What sir? No, I will not suck your penis. What are you suggesting?
Just slow down sir, let me get out, I'm not sucking your penis for a ride back home. This is sick. I'm rolling down this window and jumping out now.
*THUD, THUMP, ROLL*
This armor saved me from any serious damage, but I think I may have twisted my ankle. Fuck.. looks like I have to call my mom.