Post by zybala on Dec 16, 2020 13:11:17 GMT -6
: The scene opens up and we see crystal clear waters crashing against a sandy beach. A jungle can be seen further inland. Once again, we ask you to join us on Exile Island. It's been awhile since we've joined Mike Zybala here, but Covid is a bitch. While the island is free from the pandemic, that doesn't mean travel to Exile Island hasn't been banned. Anyway, we see Zybala sitting cross legged on a large rock, eyes closed and deep in meditation. The man can not be comfortable on the rock, but he sits still. After what seems like hours, Zybala's eyes open. He stands up and stretches his cramped limbs. He hops onto the sand below and looks around the rock before finding some rope. The rope is a good, thick, lengthy one as Zybala wraps it around the rock several times. He gives it several tugs to make sure the rope is secured before tying the other end around himself. The rock is shaped roughly like the deceptively fast Big Bifford, without arms or legs. Zybala starts walking away from the water and the rock, the rope getting taunter the further he goes.
Eventually, Zybala can go no further. He struggles and pulls and slowly, the rock moves. Zybala struggles to pull, but his progress is slow and steady as he drags the rock behind him leaving a trail in the sand. There is a big hole where the rock was, signifying that it was there for a long time. Not roaming from place to place, only coming back for the random tournament or battle royal like a person of similar weight who makes hobos into sandwiches and wears a stupid fleece and who has a better chance of getting my shoes than he does of winning this rumble. He's NEVER getting my shoes.
Zybala keeps up his slow and steady pace as he approaches the tree line. He sighs, knowing that the trip is going to get harder from here on out. He steps into the jungle, picking the most open path he can so the rock won't constantly get stuck on trees and roots. He walks for a distance before hearing the Hoot of an owl. Strange enough for the day time, but downright crazy for a tropical island. Zybala pauses his walk to scan the high branches and spots the noise maker. It indeed is an owl, some would say it was the prettiest bird they've ever seen. Zybala and the owl look at each other for some time before the owl turns her gaze to the Biff size rock and her eyes narrow. She lets out an ear piercing "SKREE!" as she leaps off from her perch and dive bomb at the rock. She hits it head first, killing herself on impact. Blood and brain matter splatters across the rock as the owl's now lifeless body sticks to the rock. Zybala shrugs and with a mighty heave, continues his forward momentum.
Deeper and deeper into the jungle Zybala goes when he hears a low growl. Zybala freezes in his tracks and listens intently. He turns slowly, making sure not to tangle himself up with the rope. Another growl makes Zybala turn towards a mass of vines and thickets, just in time to see a tiger emerge. The tiger is slow to move and once Zybala calms down, he notices a considerable amount of grey fur around the muzzle. The tiger bares its fangs and Zybala sees more than half are missing. It walks with a limp, and Zybala can see that this once proud creature is at the twilight of its life. PerHaps it was once Worthy of the title "king of the jungle", but this broken overgrown house cat is just a pale shadow of what it used to be. Zybala reaches for the remains of the owl that is stuck to the rock, peels it off and tosses it to the tiger. The "beast" sniffs the remains before picking it up in his mouth and walks away; not wanting, or perhaps not able to put up a fight with the true Worthy king of this jungle. Zybala continues.
Zybala walks until he comes to a clearing. He unties the rope, freeing himself. He stretches out his back and limbs and bounces around a bit, relieved not to be dragging the rock any more. Zybala then lets out a primal scream and waits. And waits….. And waits…. He is confused as usually he is greeted by a tribe of orangutans. Zybala prepares to let out another shout when a single orangutan limps into the clearing. Zybala recognizes this as the Alpha of the pack, besides himself of course. Zybala walks up to him and starts to sign. Yes, Zybala taught them all to sign so he would seem less insane when he talked to them. No, the irony isn't lost on me either. Everything will be translated from here on out for your benefit and plot convenience. :
Alpha: Man Alpha, you have come.
Zybala: Yeah, I was hoping to do more training with you guys. What happened? Why are you limping? Why are you the only one to answer my call?
Alpha: It has been dark times since your last visit. Several of the young ones came into maturity and wanted to take charge of the clan. They said that they were tired of Man walking their island. They were tired of how I allowed it, and were tired of YOU. They challenged me for Alpha, which I accepted, expecting them to come one at a time. They broke tradition! They attacked all at once! The four of them beat me and banished me from the tribe, making me a miserable, titleless Outkast with no purpose or tribe. As I hobbled away, they warned me never to return. They said that they and their future younglings were in charge now. That it was their Legacy now….
Zybala: I'll set this right. This is my fault. Show me where the new cluster is.
: The Old Alpha walks into the trees and Zybala follows. The duo walk in silence for a while before they come to another clearing by a stream. We see many orangutans doing primate stuff, tending to babies, grooming, others drinking from the stream. One in particular is leaning against a tree while others bring it berries. They all stop when the O.A and Zybala step into the clearing. The O.A. points to the one leaning against the tree. Zybala nods and steps forward. The new Alpha bares his teeth. :
N.A.: "Man-Alpha."
Zybala: Monkey.
N.A.: What do you want? You are no longer welcomed here. We are tired of your kind's presence and constant fighting with us; that which you call "training." Be gone!
Zybala: I've come to reclaim my status as the Man Alpha and leader of this cluster.
N.A.: Then by all means, come. I will warn you though. I'm not as weak as the old coward licking his wounds behind you. Things have changed in your absence...
: Zybala starts walking towards the N.A. when he gets attacked by three orangutans that leapt down from the tree branches. They start attacking him with blows from their feet and fist. The N.A. mocks Zybala. :
N.A.: Like I said, things have changed. The old ways of single combat are gone. If you want to get to me, you have to get past my followers. They may not like me, but know they can't beat me, so they joined me as underlings. They know their place.
: Zybala doesn't respond as he is too busy fighting off the trio of lackeys. Everytime he throws one off, the other two jump on him. They pummel him to the ground. Zybala looks to be in a bad spot. That is until the Old Alpha steps in. He jumps on one of the trio and they start fighting. This allows enough of a distraction for Zybala to push himself to his feet. One of the lackeys charge at Zybala, only to be laid out with a Superkick. The other one looks at Zybala and tries to back away, but Zybala charges at him. He picks up the monkey and rams it back first into a tree. It crumples at Zybala's feet as he turns his head towards the New Alpha. The N.A. looks at Zybala before gesturing at the rest of the tribe, then points at Zybala. The tribe looks at each other and Zybala for a bit, before backing away. They dare not challenge the Man Alpha. The New Alpha looks angry as he walks up to Zybala. Before the orangutan can act, Zybala raises his hand and slaps the shit out of the New Alpha. This is not a figure of speech. Zybala slapped the monkey so hard, it defecated. Maybe he had one in the chamber and this is merely a coincidence, but regardless, shit came out after the slap. The monkey falls to the ground, rubbing it's cheek as Zybala stands over him. Zybala then grabs the fallen Alpha's head and shoves it into his own shit. Zybala looks around the crowd of orangutans and they all start to kneel. The natural order has been restored and the scene fades to black… :
Eventually, Zybala can go no further. He struggles and pulls and slowly, the rock moves. Zybala struggles to pull, but his progress is slow and steady as he drags the rock behind him leaving a trail in the sand. There is a big hole where the rock was, signifying that it was there for a long time. Not roaming from place to place, only coming back for the random tournament or battle royal like a person of similar weight who makes hobos into sandwiches and wears a stupid fleece and who has a better chance of getting my shoes than he does of winning this rumble. He's NEVER getting my shoes.
Zybala keeps up his slow and steady pace as he approaches the tree line. He sighs, knowing that the trip is going to get harder from here on out. He steps into the jungle, picking the most open path he can so the rock won't constantly get stuck on trees and roots. He walks for a distance before hearing the Hoot of an owl. Strange enough for the day time, but downright crazy for a tropical island. Zybala pauses his walk to scan the high branches and spots the noise maker. It indeed is an owl, some would say it was the prettiest bird they've ever seen. Zybala and the owl look at each other for some time before the owl turns her gaze to the Biff size rock and her eyes narrow. She lets out an ear piercing "SKREE!" as she leaps off from her perch and dive bomb at the rock. She hits it head first, killing herself on impact. Blood and brain matter splatters across the rock as the owl's now lifeless body sticks to the rock. Zybala shrugs and with a mighty heave, continues his forward momentum.
Deeper and deeper into the jungle Zybala goes when he hears a low growl. Zybala freezes in his tracks and listens intently. He turns slowly, making sure not to tangle himself up with the rope. Another growl makes Zybala turn towards a mass of vines and thickets, just in time to see a tiger emerge. The tiger is slow to move and once Zybala calms down, he notices a considerable amount of grey fur around the muzzle. The tiger bares its fangs and Zybala sees more than half are missing. It walks with a limp, and Zybala can see that this once proud creature is at the twilight of its life. PerHaps it was once Worthy of the title "king of the jungle", but this broken overgrown house cat is just a pale shadow of what it used to be. Zybala reaches for the remains of the owl that is stuck to the rock, peels it off and tosses it to the tiger. The "beast" sniffs the remains before picking it up in his mouth and walks away; not wanting, or perhaps not able to put up a fight with the true Worthy king of this jungle. Zybala continues.
Zybala walks until he comes to a clearing. He unties the rope, freeing himself. He stretches out his back and limbs and bounces around a bit, relieved not to be dragging the rock any more. Zybala then lets out a primal scream and waits. And waits….. And waits…. He is confused as usually he is greeted by a tribe of orangutans. Zybala prepares to let out another shout when a single orangutan limps into the clearing. Zybala recognizes this as the Alpha of the pack, besides himself of course. Zybala walks up to him and starts to sign. Yes, Zybala taught them all to sign so he would seem less insane when he talked to them. No, the irony isn't lost on me either. Everything will be translated from here on out for your benefit and plot convenience. :
Alpha: Man Alpha, you have come.
Zybala: Yeah, I was hoping to do more training with you guys. What happened? Why are you limping? Why are you the only one to answer my call?
Alpha: It has been dark times since your last visit. Several of the young ones came into maturity and wanted to take charge of the clan. They said that they were tired of Man walking their island. They were tired of how I allowed it, and were tired of YOU. They challenged me for Alpha, which I accepted, expecting them to come one at a time. They broke tradition! They attacked all at once! The four of them beat me and banished me from the tribe, making me a miserable, titleless Outkast with no purpose or tribe. As I hobbled away, they warned me never to return. They said that they and their future younglings were in charge now. That it was their Legacy now….
Zybala: I'll set this right. This is my fault. Show me where the new cluster is.
: The Old Alpha walks into the trees and Zybala follows. The duo walk in silence for a while before they come to another clearing by a stream. We see many orangutans doing primate stuff, tending to babies, grooming, others drinking from the stream. One in particular is leaning against a tree while others bring it berries. They all stop when the O.A and Zybala step into the clearing. The O.A. points to the one leaning against the tree. Zybala nods and steps forward. The new Alpha bares his teeth. :
N.A.: "Man-Alpha."
Zybala: Monkey.
N.A.: What do you want? You are no longer welcomed here. We are tired of your kind's presence and constant fighting with us; that which you call "training." Be gone!
Zybala: I've come to reclaim my status as the Man Alpha and leader of this cluster.
N.A.: Then by all means, come. I will warn you though. I'm not as weak as the old coward licking his wounds behind you. Things have changed in your absence...
: Zybala starts walking towards the N.A. when he gets attacked by three orangutans that leapt down from the tree branches. They start attacking him with blows from their feet and fist. The N.A. mocks Zybala. :
N.A.: Like I said, things have changed. The old ways of single combat are gone. If you want to get to me, you have to get past my followers. They may not like me, but know they can't beat me, so they joined me as underlings. They know their place.
: Zybala doesn't respond as he is too busy fighting off the trio of lackeys. Everytime he throws one off, the other two jump on him. They pummel him to the ground. Zybala looks to be in a bad spot. That is until the Old Alpha steps in. He jumps on one of the trio and they start fighting. This allows enough of a distraction for Zybala to push himself to his feet. One of the lackeys charge at Zybala, only to be laid out with a Superkick. The other one looks at Zybala and tries to back away, but Zybala charges at him. He picks up the monkey and rams it back first into a tree. It crumples at Zybala's feet as he turns his head towards the New Alpha. The N.A. looks at Zybala before gesturing at the rest of the tribe, then points at Zybala. The tribe looks at each other and Zybala for a bit, before backing away. They dare not challenge the Man Alpha. The New Alpha looks angry as he walks up to Zybala. Before the orangutan can act, Zybala raises his hand and slaps the shit out of the New Alpha. This is not a figure of speech. Zybala slapped the monkey so hard, it defecated. Maybe he had one in the chamber and this is merely a coincidence, but regardless, shit came out after the slap. The monkey falls to the ground, rubbing it's cheek as Zybala stands over him. Zybala then grabs the fallen Alpha's head and shoves it into his own shit. Zybala looks around the crowd of orangutans and they all start to kneel. The natural order has been restored and the scene fades to black… :
God, PETA isn't gonna like this footage one little bit. Oh well. My island, my monkeys, my rules. It's always good training on Exile Island. Something unexpected always happens and that keeps me on my toes. Which is what I need to do for the Righteous Rumble. I know, I know. I'm gonna be facing humans, not monkeys. But honestly, have you seen some of my coworkers? There's not much difference between them and the orangutans. Hell, The Enforcer, Dave Branson, Terry Bol...I mean Marshall looks just like a couple of shaved gorillas. Plus Biff looks like King Louie in a fleece. Just a different species of monkey for me to beat.
Then we got a bunch of names I know but never faced. Alice, Bifford (again), Sins of the Father, The NWO. Plus a bunch of others I've never faced and know nothing about. There's a good chance I'm not gonna be in the ring with you at the same time as a bunch of you. Sure, everyone is gonna claim they'll go all the way and win, but if everyone does that, the fans chanting "Fight Forever" would have a very literal meaning. So why waste time preparing for people I probably won't even see? I'll just do what I always do, go in the ring and fuck up someone's day.
Though there are a few people that I wouldn't mind being in the ring with. Raging Dead for one. He and I go way back. I'd like to team up with him to throw everyone else out, then duke it out with him at the end. Same thing with Ed Houston and Jack Puffer. I wouldn't mind seeing who would fare better between me and any of those three. I also wouldn't mind seeing The A-List in there. Not because I like them, but because it seems that Dylan Thomas needs a reminder of what happened the last time we fought. I don't mind Superkicking the memories back into that weird shaped head of his. Did it always look like that, or did I beat it into that shape during our last match. Amelia Trust Fund is another who needs my foot in her face. Who the fuck does she think she is calling me "generic?" I'll show her generic when I curb stomp her into the turnbuckle.
Then we got the revenge section of the Rumble. So far, there are two men who have cost me titles in the past in this Rumble. One is the WEAKASS, past his prime Chad Vargas. While I was kicking Matt Meyhu's ass inside of a cage back in OCW, Chad thought I needed help and ran to the ring. He was fighting with Meyhu's cronies and then slammed the cage door on my head as I was on my way out and about to become OCW world champion. A Ego Trip to the world title later and Meyhu wins with a HUGE assist from Vargas. So I'm gonna return the favor and take Chad out of this Rumble myself. Call me a crybaby all you want Vargas, I'm still killing your title shot hopes.
Then we got Warstein. I had you beat a few weeks ago. I pinned you to the mat for the three count and won the North American belt! Then Deana comes out and reverses the decision. Yes, there was ref bullshit on both sides, but I still pinned you. I will get MY title back, see if I don't. Because you and I aren't done by a long shot. You're the one I'm gunning for the most in this Rumble and it doesn't matter how many Legacy or Legacy-adjacent members get in my way, I'm taking you out. Then I'm gonna take everyone else out and win the title shot against Mack or Raven. Then I'm gonna get my rematch against you and take back the North American title. Then I'll face the world champion. I make this promise to all of you, by the end of the next pay-per-view, Mike Zybala will be your GCWA North American AND World Champions!