Post by Crash Rodriguez on Jan 6, 2021 23:58:03 GMT -6
We find ourselves in a small karate dojo decorated with bonsai trees, nunchucks, staffs and the likes. We watch as some teens actively mimic their sensei's strike.
A bell rings as a familiar face walks in. Dressed in an undersized gi stands Crash Rodrigues, also know as the greatest wrestler to ever go by the name Crash Rodriguez. He flashes the camera a grin, his missing incisor only making his smile that much goofier.
"I'm here to learn some Karate. Got a match coming very soon. So soon, you could say this is last minute."
Crash flashes another shit eating grin. He does a quick bow.
"Sir. This class is for under 18. You'd need to find an adul-"
As the man speaks Crash walks across the room and pulls a crumpled piece of green paper out of his pocket and into the man's hand. The man unravels it before smiling and nodding his head.
"Class. This young gentleman will be joining the class. Now we were going to start sparring. Now form two lines."
As time passes the students are matched together. Crash stares across from him at his sparring partner. A big brute of a 17 year old.
"Hey uh, Sensei. Could I talk to you for a second."
Crash walks over to the teacher and looks over his shoulder at the other students before whispering.
"Look dude. I gave you 100 bucks. Really gonna throw this dude at me first? Come on bro."
The sensei looks quite puzzled before speaking hushed.
"Sir. I can smell the tequila on your breath. You're really gonna make a scene over this child?"
"Look you wouldn't get it. Call it PTSD. Kid's near the size of Bifford, and somehow twice as smelly."
"What the hell is a Bifford?"
"Don't matter. Look just pair me up with that kid."
Crash points at the smallest child in the classroom, he’s sporting a bowl cut and his shirt has some sort of anthropomorphic amphibian. The teacher is shocked and begins shaking his head before making the arrangements. Crash faces his opponent, this tiny 14 year old kid, apparently named Ian. The boy stands in a defensive stance, his legs wobble, he takes a big swallow, and his eyes widen as he truly understands the danger of his opponent. He begins to tear up, anticipating what’s gonna happen. Ian knew he should’ve stayed home today. In one quick movement Crash has lifted poor Ian, above his head before bringing the boy down in a powerbomb. Ian reaches up and holds his head, as Crash grabs the boy's ankle and swings him across the room.
“Get fucking Karate’d bro. Sensei, you see that? I’m the best at Karate.”
“Nothing about that was Karate. You’re making a mockery of yourself and my dojo.”
“Hey fuck you man, don’t compare me to Tony the Spider.”
“Who the fuck are these people you keep bringing up.”
“Listen Mr Miyagi, “
“My name is Sensei Whitaker, not Miyagi.”
“Ok, who cares about your name, you won’t be relevant in the long term.”
“I’m calling the police, there’s something wrong with you.”
“WHAT!? Bullshit bro. I’ve watched all 3 Karate Kid movie-”
A small voice speaks up, Crash looks around and he spots the source, one of the children in the class.
“There’s four movies, sir”
“Fuck you kid, Karate Kid: The Next Generation sucked. ANYWAYS! As I was saying, I also recently finished the 3rd season of Cobra Kai, and I’ve discovered a trend. All the good guys beat on the kids”
Sensei Whitaker stares at Crash in total disbelief. The karate teacher can’t seem to wrap his head around everything he just heard. The former GCWA Tag Team Champion, Crash Rodriguez smiles, expecting his fellow man to see things eye to eye with him.
"Sir… I'm going to have to ask you to leave my dojo and never return."
"You can't banish me! I'm already your top student!"
The man stands there dumbfounded. He Whitaker shakes his head, as he continues speaking. This must be a terrible prank show.
"Leave my dojo. Or else."
"Oh. I get it. Your one of his stans. Big ol' hard on for Dex, huh? Well I'm sorry but come Friday, I'll prove to the world that Crash Rodriguez is the greatest force to be reckoned with, and no debuting couch stain will stop my destiny. I'm the master of my destiny. Now, prepare for war."
"I said get the hell out of m-"
The man's sentence is interrupted as the former crooked man punches Sensei Whitaker directly in the throat. The man falls to one knee, holding his trachea as he coughs out demands for his students to attack.
"DOJO WAR!"
Crash screams shaking the foundation of the building as a small moba of teenagers rush him. Crash elbows the first child in the nose, before turning and big booting the next. Two boys charge our hero, Crash reaches behind him grabbing a bo staff off the wall. He brings it down in a chop, slamming one of the children to the floor. The second child stares at Crash, quicky realizing the reality of this situation. There is a full grown professional wrestler savagely beating on minors. He begins to turn and flee, but Crash smacks the staff over the kids shoulder, breaking his stick as the kid hits the ground and begins to sniffle and sob. The remaining children watch in horror. No idea what to do.
“You damn kids, rooting for some nobody. You should be on my side. Everybody knows Crash is infinitely better than Dex. It’s fact. I was crowned the King of the Mexican Deathmatch. I was one half of the Greatest Tag Team Champions in all of GCWA history. I am-”
Suddenly the big brute of a kid tackles Mr. Rodriguez to the ground. While on the ground Crash transitions on top of the boy and begins reigning down forearms.
“I… Can’t… Stand… This… Smell.”
The child stops moving and Crash rises to his feet. The two remaining students run out the front door, the bell ringing as they make their daring escape. Crash smiles and spits onto the ground as he notices Sensei Whitaker rise to his feet.
“So, it’s down to just us two. Master versus the Student. I’m sorry it has come to this.”
“You’ve been here for less than an hour. You have beaten on children, desecrated my dojo, and you must be stopp-”
Crash charges the children’s sensei, tackling him into the mirror wall behind him. The shattered pieces litter the floor. The glass shards have cut up Whitaker and Rodriguez. Both men, bleeding lightly from their cuts, slowly rise to their feet. Crash’s face holds a look of primal nature. An intent to maim and maul, more animalistic than human. Whitaker begins to cower and lower his guard. His fight or flight response has kicked in, and he is ready to piss his gi and hot foot it to the next town. Crash steps forward and grabs the man by his throat as his students look on in terror. Whitaker begins to wish he never established the no cell phone policy, he blinks wildly as he shakes and whimpers.
“I’m back. And I am going to prove to every single person watching Inferno, and all the boys in the back, that I am still Crash Rodriguez. I break people. I end people. Sensei, you and these children don’t even get it. This is nothing compared to what they will see. This is for fun. I watched a lot of Cobra Kai and shit, so I thought, ‘Hey, let's pull a Miyagi and beat on some kids.’ and that’s what I did.”
Crash finally let’s go of the man’s throat. Whitaker bounces off the floor, gasping for air. Crash turns facing the camera and speaks very sternly, but with a sense of humor in his voice.
“Dex. I know not a damn thing about you. I’m sure I could’ve put effort into googling you, or even asking around, but you see, I figured why bother? I’ve done this before and I’ll do it again, friend. You’ve just walked into a bad time, Dexxy boy, because I’m going to turn your ass into a reminder as to what I do. What I can do. And most importantly. What I can do.”
Crash’s face eases into his crooked smile, his smirk showing the commitment in every word and how he believes every single ounce of what he’s saying. This has been his life, his everything.
“So what can I do? What will I do? I’m going to break Dex’s bones and bash that head of his off the turnbuckle as many times as I have to until there’s a puddle of bright crimson pooling below us.”
Crash chuckles slightly, before recomposing himself. He runs his hands through his hair before continuing. matter of factly.
“I’m going to lift your husk of a body up on the top rope, spit in your goddamn mouth like a two cent whore, and give you the patented, “Crash Landing” before pinning you. 1… 2… 3.”
A few moments of silence pass, before Crash's face falls back into a playful expression as he makes his way out the front door.
"Now where did that kid with the Warstein shirt go?"
The bell above the door rings as he leaves. The children and their sensei huddle together as the sound of police sirens wail closer and closer, as the scene fades to a close.
A bell rings as a familiar face walks in. Dressed in an undersized gi stands Crash Rodrigues, also know as the greatest wrestler to ever go by the name Crash Rodriguez. He flashes the camera a grin, his missing incisor only making his smile that much goofier.
"I'm here to learn some Karate. Got a match coming very soon. So soon, you could say this is last minute."
Crash flashes another shit eating grin. He does a quick bow.
"Sir. This class is for under 18. You'd need to find an adul-"
As the man speaks Crash walks across the room and pulls a crumpled piece of green paper out of his pocket and into the man's hand. The man unravels it before smiling and nodding his head.
"Class. This young gentleman will be joining the class. Now we were going to start sparring. Now form two lines."
As time passes the students are matched together. Crash stares across from him at his sparring partner. A big brute of a 17 year old.
"Hey uh, Sensei. Could I talk to you for a second."
Crash walks over to the teacher and looks over his shoulder at the other students before whispering.
"Look dude. I gave you 100 bucks. Really gonna throw this dude at me first? Come on bro."
The sensei looks quite puzzled before speaking hushed.
"Sir. I can smell the tequila on your breath. You're really gonna make a scene over this child?"
"Look you wouldn't get it. Call it PTSD. Kid's near the size of Bifford, and somehow twice as smelly."
"What the hell is a Bifford?"
"Don't matter. Look just pair me up with that kid."
Crash points at the smallest child in the classroom, he’s sporting a bowl cut and his shirt has some sort of anthropomorphic amphibian. The teacher is shocked and begins shaking his head before making the arrangements. Crash faces his opponent, this tiny 14 year old kid, apparently named Ian. The boy stands in a defensive stance, his legs wobble, he takes a big swallow, and his eyes widen as he truly understands the danger of his opponent. He begins to tear up, anticipating what’s gonna happen. Ian knew he should’ve stayed home today. In one quick movement Crash has lifted poor Ian, above his head before bringing the boy down in a powerbomb. Ian reaches up and holds his head, as Crash grabs the boy's ankle and swings him across the room.
“Get fucking Karate’d bro. Sensei, you see that? I’m the best at Karate.”
“Nothing about that was Karate. You’re making a mockery of yourself and my dojo.”
“Hey fuck you man, don’t compare me to Tony the Spider.”
“Who the fuck are these people you keep bringing up.”
“Listen Mr Miyagi, “
“My name is Sensei Whitaker, not Miyagi.”
“Ok, who cares about your name, you won’t be relevant in the long term.”
“I’m calling the police, there’s something wrong with you.”
“WHAT!? Bullshit bro. I’ve watched all 3 Karate Kid movie-”
A small voice speaks up, Crash looks around and he spots the source, one of the children in the class.
“There’s four movies, sir”
“Fuck you kid, Karate Kid: The Next Generation sucked. ANYWAYS! As I was saying, I also recently finished the 3rd season of Cobra Kai, and I’ve discovered a trend. All the good guys beat on the kids”
Sensei Whitaker stares at Crash in total disbelief. The karate teacher can’t seem to wrap his head around everything he just heard. The former GCWA Tag Team Champion, Crash Rodriguez smiles, expecting his fellow man to see things eye to eye with him.
"Sir… I'm going to have to ask you to leave my dojo and never return."
"You can't banish me! I'm already your top student!"
The man stands there dumbfounded. He Whitaker shakes his head, as he continues speaking. This must be a terrible prank show.
"Leave my dojo. Or else."
"Oh. I get it. Your one of his stans. Big ol' hard on for Dex, huh? Well I'm sorry but come Friday, I'll prove to the world that Crash Rodriguez is the greatest force to be reckoned with, and no debuting couch stain will stop my destiny. I'm the master of my destiny. Now, prepare for war."
"I said get the hell out of m-"
The man's sentence is interrupted as the former crooked man punches Sensei Whitaker directly in the throat. The man falls to one knee, holding his trachea as he coughs out demands for his students to attack.
"DOJO WAR!"
Crash screams shaking the foundation of the building as a small moba of teenagers rush him. Crash elbows the first child in the nose, before turning and big booting the next. Two boys charge our hero, Crash reaches behind him grabbing a bo staff off the wall. He brings it down in a chop, slamming one of the children to the floor. The second child stares at Crash, quicky realizing the reality of this situation. There is a full grown professional wrestler savagely beating on minors. He begins to turn and flee, but Crash smacks the staff over the kids shoulder, breaking his stick as the kid hits the ground and begins to sniffle and sob. The remaining children watch in horror. No idea what to do.
“You damn kids, rooting for some nobody. You should be on my side. Everybody knows Crash is infinitely better than Dex. It’s fact. I was crowned the King of the Mexican Deathmatch. I was one half of the Greatest Tag Team Champions in all of GCWA history. I am-”
Suddenly the big brute of a kid tackles Mr. Rodriguez to the ground. While on the ground Crash transitions on top of the boy and begins reigning down forearms.
“I… Can’t… Stand… This… Smell.”
The child stops moving and Crash rises to his feet. The two remaining students run out the front door, the bell ringing as they make their daring escape. Crash smiles and spits onto the ground as he notices Sensei Whitaker rise to his feet.
“So, it’s down to just us two. Master versus the Student. I’m sorry it has come to this.”
“You’ve been here for less than an hour. You have beaten on children, desecrated my dojo, and you must be stopp-”
Crash charges the children’s sensei, tackling him into the mirror wall behind him. The shattered pieces litter the floor. The glass shards have cut up Whitaker and Rodriguez. Both men, bleeding lightly from their cuts, slowly rise to their feet. Crash’s face holds a look of primal nature. An intent to maim and maul, more animalistic than human. Whitaker begins to cower and lower his guard. His fight or flight response has kicked in, and he is ready to piss his gi and hot foot it to the next town. Crash steps forward and grabs the man by his throat as his students look on in terror. Whitaker begins to wish he never established the no cell phone policy, he blinks wildly as he shakes and whimpers.
“I’m back. And I am going to prove to every single person watching Inferno, and all the boys in the back, that I am still Crash Rodriguez. I break people. I end people. Sensei, you and these children don’t even get it. This is nothing compared to what they will see. This is for fun. I watched a lot of Cobra Kai and shit, so I thought, ‘Hey, let's pull a Miyagi and beat on some kids.’ and that’s what I did.”
Crash finally let’s go of the man’s throat. Whitaker bounces off the floor, gasping for air. Crash turns facing the camera and speaks very sternly, but with a sense of humor in his voice.
“Dex. I know not a damn thing about you. I’m sure I could’ve put effort into googling you, or even asking around, but you see, I figured why bother? I’ve done this before and I’ll do it again, friend. You’ve just walked into a bad time, Dexxy boy, because I’m going to turn your ass into a reminder as to what I do. What I can do. And most importantly. What I can do.”
Crash’s face eases into his crooked smile, his smirk showing the commitment in every word and how he believes every single ounce of what he’s saying. This has been his life, his everything.
“So what can I do? What will I do? I’m going to break Dex’s bones and bash that head of his off the turnbuckle as many times as I have to until there’s a puddle of bright crimson pooling below us.”
Crash chuckles slightly, before recomposing himself. He runs his hands through his hair before continuing. matter of factly.
“I’m going to lift your husk of a body up on the top rope, spit in your goddamn mouth like a two cent whore, and give you the patented, “Crash Landing” before pinning you. 1… 2… 3.”
A few moments of silence pass, before Crash's face falls back into a playful expression as he makes his way out the front door.
"Now where did that kid with the Warstein shirt go?"
The bell above the door rings as he leaves. The children and their sensei huddle together as the sound of police sirens wail closer and closer, as the scene fades to a close.
Word Count - 1593