Post by SportsEntertainmentXpress on Jan 11, 2021 13:14:04 GMT -6
I'm back
I'm back in the saddle againI'm back
I'm back in the saddle again
Literally, Marshall is back in a saddle, sitting on a horse. Marshall’s wife had got him a trip to a dude ranch for Christmas. Marshall is a big mark for Cowboy movies, he loves John Wayne (more than some people love Daniel Bryan), Clint Eastwood, and even Jeff Bridges (it takes range to play both Rooster Cogburn and The Dude). So far, all Marshall has got from this trip is a sore back from shoveling manure, and a sore butt from riding his horse, which is named Trigger.
Today was different though, today Marshall had really taken in the beauty of his surroundings as he watched the sunrise over a bluff, watched the cattle through the day, and just overall enjoyed the peace and quiet that comes with disconnecting from the world.
Marshall was out on a drive with three other visitors and two ranch hands. The visitors were a family and when the child had gotten sick, one of the ranch hands took the family back to the ranch, leaving only Marshall and the other hand, a tall, older, slender man they all call Curly. Marshall had volunteered to let Curly sleep first while he watched the herd. Marshall was leaned up against a rock and watching the crackling campfire when he heard a commotion going on with the herd.
Marshall sits up and takes notice, and hears even more commotion. Marshall looks over at Curly who is snoring like a prison guard in a comedy before a big jailbreak. Marshall shakes his head at Curly and figures it would probably be better just to let him sleep. Marshall slips down the little hill he is on to get a closer look at the herd and that is when he notices a flashlight amongst the herd.
Marshall grabs his phone from his pocket but has no service. Marshall quickly scurries back up the hill and grabs a gun belt from his horse, and make sure his six-shooter is loaded. Marshall heads quietly back down the herd. As Marshall eases closer to the herd, he gets down low and slips in between the cows. Marshall notices the flashlight again and moves through the herd, circling around behind where he saw the light. As Marshall moves through the herd, he can tell they are uneasy and being jostled around.
Marshall gets around the flashlight and moves closer and as he does; he sees five cattle rustlers trying to load cows into a trailer. This is one of the ultimate cowboy sins, and right now Marshall is an honorary cowboy. Marshall grips the handle of his Colt .45, (the pistol not the malt liquor) and stops to think, W.W.J.W.D, what would John Wayne do? I’ll tell you what he’d do pilgrim, he’d put a stop to those rustlers and that is exactly what Terry Marshall is going to do.
Marshall springs into action emerging from the dark and cattle, drawing his six-shooter down on the rustlers.
REACH FOR THE SKY!
The rustlers are startled and jump, throwing their hands in the air. They then see who has yelled at them, it wasn’t Rooster Cogburn, it wasn’t the Outlaw Josey Wales, it wasn’t even Sheriff Woody, no it was Terry Marshall, and when the rustlers see Marshall in his ten-gallon hat, his Brooks & Dunn tank top, and his Wranglers tucked into a pair of Tony Lama tennis shoe boots, their reaction changes.
The rustlers are in stunned silence for a moment, but after taking in the sight of Terry Marshall they all give a large collective laugh.
I don’t know what’s so funny dudes, I got the drop on you and I’m bringing you all in.
“There is six of us and one of you, and we’re the real deal, not some yuppie out here playing cowboy,” one of the Rustlers says. Another one follows up with, “where you from boy, New York City?”.
Another collective laugh from the rustlers.
I’M FROM WEST VIRGINIA!
Oh yeah? I got family in Roanoke.
What? No, not western Virginia, WEST Virginia. It is its own state, formed after the civil war. Anyways, you are all obviously dumb, you don’t know your states or how to count. I counted and there are five of you, not six.
Better count again yuppie.
Marshall looks at the rustlers and starts counting. One, two, three, four, five, but as he counts the fifth his lights get turned out as the sixth rustler who was working lookout has snuck up behind Marshall and slammed the butt of his rifle into the back of Marshall's skull.
Rays of sunlight penetrate Marshall's closed eyelids waking him from his unconscious state. Marshall slowly opens his eyes, blinking as it takes him a few moments to get used to the light. What Marshall sees though sends chills up his spine. The gang of rustlers is sharpening their knives, and heating up a branding iron. All sorts of evil thoughts of what they might do to him run through Marshall's head. Would they brand him and leave him in the wilderness? Would they skin him alive?
Marshall did the only thing he could do, he bowled his head and began to pray.
Dear Lord, it’s Terry. I know I haven’t talked to you in a little while, and that is one hundred percent my fault. I also know I haven’t been the best person lately, which is once again one hundred percent my fault. But, I’m trying, trying to turn it back around and get back on the right path. I know I got a lot to make up for with all the bad stuff I did, but Lord I just hope the years of saying my prayers, taking my vitamins, and promoting truth, justice, and the American way is enough to help a brother out of this tough spot. I just know I’m back on the right path, and I swear to you that if I get out of here the Thundermaniacs will hear about the right path to follow. And that they will know your amazing name, power, and grace. Amen.
Marshall raises his head and opens his eyes and sees the rustlers staring at him.
Let’s chop’em into pieces.
Let’s horse and quarter him.
Na, let’s feed him to the pigs.
Yeah, a good idea that’ll get rid of the evidence.
Old big-time wrestler man is about to be turned into hog sh*t.
One rustler pulls the branding iron from the fire and they all begin to move in on Marshall with weapons drawn. Marshall snarls and tries to pull his hands free, but they are tied tight behind his back and around a tree.
Suddenly there is a loud rumbling sound and the rustler's freeze as the Earth begins to shake below their feet. The sun is blacked out over Marshall as a shadow falls over him. Marshall smiles, knowing his prayer has been answered. Marshall sees the fear and shock on the rustler's faces. Marshall looks up expecting to see an army of angels, but what he sees is the Starship Desolator.
The Desolator begins firing laser blasts at the rustlers and the evil cowboys' scream and begin to run. One rustler jumps onto his horse, but as he does, he and his horse he rode in on are blasted with a laser, roasting them. The rustlers scurry for roaches when you turn a light on, and leave the cattle and Marshall behind in fear of the Starship Desolator.
Marshall watches as the rustlers run and has a good laugh at their expense, and then feels uncertainty as he watches the Desolator land, and the bay door lower down to the ground. Through the dust kicked up by the landing jets Marshall can make out two figures, and as the dust settles, he sees Dark Lord and Madness.
But Marshall sees the black and white are gone, the neon colors, tassels, face paint, and cowboy hat are back. Space Lord is back…. The Cosmic Cowboy is back….
THE SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT XPRESS IS BACK!!!
Space Lord and Cowboy free Marshall from his bonds and Marshall is ecstatic to see them both, greeting them with big hugs.
Brothers, I was afraid I’d never see you two like this again. I was afraid the darkness had too big of a hold on you.
No way brother, because the cream always rises to the top.
Terry, at first, I thought you were foolish to go back to the path of righteousness. But I heard the conviction in your voice and saw the fire in your belly and it made me look at myself long and hard. As the Dark Lord, I became too much like Death Lord, too much like the Empire. You are right Terry, we must make amends with our fans, we must stop being nefarious, and we must return to entertaining this sport in an xpress fashion. Plus, I hated wearing pants.
OH YEAH! I needed my hat brother.
Brothers, when I said for life, I didn’t mean the NWO, I meant the three of us for life.
The three members of S.E.X engage in a group bro hug, and then Space Lord and Cosmic Cowboy head back to the Desolator.
Wait, where are you two going?
Space Lord stops and looks back over his shoulder.
To get the crew back together.
Shouldn’t I go with you?
The Cowboy and Space Lord turn back to Marshall.
Don’t ya have someone to settle a grudge with?
He’s right Terry, you know what to do. Monologue, monologue like only you can.
OOOOH YEAH!
Monologue
Marshall starts Thundering up, pumped by the feeling of reuniting with his friends. Marshall gets into the zone.
Ya know brother, I bet ya never heard old Marshall Dillion say "Miss Kitty, have you ever thought about running away", and brothers I bet you never thought you'd hear old Terry Marshall say he was sorry and ask the fans he told to stick it to forgive him. But, here I am. *Marshall takes his cowboy hat off and holds it in his hands* I come to you Thunderamaniacs, literally hat in hand and ask you to forgive me. I let the green-eyed monster overcome me. I let anger overcome me, and ultimately, I let the darkness overcome me. I have seen the error of my ways and torn away the black and white, and now brothers the red and yellow are back. More importantly, brother, THUNDERING TERRY MARSHALL IS BACK!
Marshall puts the hat back on and snarls.
And I'm back with a vengeance brothers, and with a list of dudes that need-to-know what it is to be ThunderStruck. Top of that list is the big Arkansas sweat hog E.W. Montgomery. E-Dub, brother this was just a big misunderstanding, but you wanted to turn a molehill into a mountain, well brother mission accomplished. The problem is DUDE, the mountain you're trying to climb is mount freaking Everest.
Ya know the thing about climbing to the top of a mountain though DUDE! The higher you get in elevation, the higher the risk of being struck by lightning. So just when you think you’ve reached the top of Everest, BOOM! THAT’S WHEN YOU GET THUNDERSTRUCK!
Marshall grabs his Brooks & Dunn tank top and rips it off, throwing the shirt with a devil may care attitude.
You thought I embarrassed you when I knocked your spitter on you, but that’s nothing compared to how embarrassed you’re going to feel after I beat you from pillar to post and pin you in the middle of the ring. Inferno may start in the evening, but brother for you and me it is a showdown at high noon. I’m coming for you guns blazing, and brother I won’t miss my mark when I swing these massive anacondas at you.
Earl, you might fancy yourself a big bad cowboy, but I think your just a horse’s ass. You may have once been a wild stallion, but you’re about to be broke and tamed. Shoot brother, they may even have to put you down and send you to the glue factory after the largest arms in GCWA, with the anaconda biceps, these catcher mite sized hands and the delts that inspired the name Delta Force all come together and swing into your chest sending thunder striking through your body.
Marshall flexes his massive arms because Marshall must pose.
Earl, we are two old gunslingers DUDE, but I got a feeling I’m a little quicker on the draw. We’ll find out one way or another when we come together the good, the bad, and the ugly. I’ll be the good, you’ll be the bad, and the beating I give you will be ugly. I will hang you high because your attack on me is unforgiven. And I just got one last question for you, Earl. When the largest arms in GCWA make you feel Thunderstruck, and they plant your Tombstone… WHATCHA GONNA DO DUDE!?!
Marshall looks at Space Lord and asks, “Oh yeah, think you can give me a lift back to the ranch?”.
Sure, hop in.
~Fin
