The Vargas Plaza and The BOBS Part 1
Jan 27, 2021 22:02:09 GMT -6
Deana Barrows, Dylan Thomas, and 1 more like this
Post by PerZag on Jan 27, 2021 22:02:09 GMT -6
Last week didn't go quite as planned as I thought it might have. It was supposed to be the big start to 2021. The first step to the big year ahead. A year full of money, titles and fame. But a simple mistake has set me back. A simple mistake of writing down a date wrong, and turning up to a show late. I was going to get in that ring and kick Black Dragon's ass, but the One-Minute-Man Alessandro Quagliaterre blindsided me.
I don't care what he said on Twitter; I didn't spill any fucking coffee. He was just pissed that I can go seventy minutes in bed instead of his measly sixty seconds. He knows it, and those that have been with him knows it. Fuck off with your spilling coffee lies.
Anyhow, AQ doesn't matter now. He's fighting for the Television title, of course, he doesn't matter. What's the saying, 'I have bigger fish to fry'. And the bigger fish being Chad Vargas and……………………..
Ah shit, I got the saying wrong. Chad fucking Vargas, if he's a BIG FISH in any company ever again it must be some Ku Klux Klan endorsed fed. He will never ever be relevant again. At least with Miss Fury…………………….
Ugh, what am I saying? Miss Fury, I don't know if she's worth anything either. At least Graves was my friend. I mean female Graves, not the male one. I don't know what's going on with that trio or person or I have no fucking clue what to call them. That gender meshed, surprisingly attractive, which makes me want to spew, thang, is just so hard to configure.
But with this match on the horizon and only just days away, along with the fact that last week went nowhere near to plan, I knew there was one thing left to do. And sometimes you need to go backwards to go forwards, and I knew that returning home was the way to go.
So earlier in the week that was where I had gone. Home. The distant town where I grew up. The town of Benalla. It's not the same as it used to be. Not when I was a child. They turned the place into a town dedicating me. And it's fucking magnificent.
There I was, driving along the main street, staring at all the different plazas going by. The Grenier Plaza (full of hobos and druggos), The Perfect Plaza (where everything is perfect), The Incredible Plaza (which was founded in 2020 during the Manifest Destiny 2 tournament), and the many, many more that have been created in honour of PerZag (the greatest export the town has ever had).
Either way, there I was, heading down the main street in the back of a limousine because there isn't any other way to travel for someone as spectacular as I. After the long plane flight along with the travel, I knew I needed a break. And what better way than to have a walk around the Worthy Plaza, where everything is Worthy.
The limousine pulled over, and I waited as I could hear the chauffeur get out from his driver's seat and walk down to the end of the limousine. He opens the door for me, cause you know, I cannot do it for myself. Limousines these days use adult locks along with child locks so that you are forced to tip your chauffeur. So that's what I do as I get up out of the limousine. I hand him a measly dollar as a tip. Fuck him for trying to get more out of me. Asshole.
He looks at me with disgust as he slams the door shut, angry. I'm not sure why he's angry, but he is. I ignore him, anyhow, as I head towards the front doors of the Worthy Plaza. But I'm stopped by a hand placed calmly on my right shoulder. I turn around as the chauffeur is staring at me.
"Don't you think you owe me more of a tip than that? I drove you for a couple of hours from the airport to get here."
I shake my head 'no'. Before replying, "I would if you fucking let me get out of the car myself. Some of us may like to ride in style, but I'm not fucking useless. I can open the door myself."
"I thought that might've been easier for you."
"No, it's fucking lazy," I replied. "You should think better of me seeing as I am the greatest export this town has ever had."
The man's expression changes. Is that hatred in his eyes? Hate is one of those things I don't see in people. It's usually love, lust or that eye-bulging look when they realise that it's bigger than they ever expected. But, hatred. Nobody 'hates' me. They all secretly love me and try to cover it up. I can always see that.
"So, you're 'him'."
The way he says 'him' turns my stomach sideways. This guy despises me.
"Hey, ah, are you okay?"
He ignores my question staring at the people who I am now realising are starting to surround me. I look around at about twelve to fifteen different people, all shapes and sizes as they all stare at me with the same hatred.
"WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU PEOPLE?"
I shout at them, starting to get a little pissed off.
"We are THE BOBS!" one of them responds.
"The Bobs?" I say, questioning them.
"We are the new power here. Everybody is changing their names to Bob."
"What? Just Bob."
They all nod their heads in unison.
"Even women?"
They all nod again.
"Doesn't that make things confusing?"
They nod again.
"But it doesn't matter. We are all Bobs now. We are one; we are many, we are all. The Bobs rule this town now, and you, PerZag, will now become a Bob."
I can feel the vomit hit the back of my throat, but I fight hard to keep it down.
"Anything but the name Bob."
"What about Chad?" one of them asks.
I couldn't hold it that time; the vomit flew out of my mouth, hitting one of the Bobs square in the face. The Bobs turn to look at their vomit-covered brethren, before all turning back to PerZag as one. And then two words are shouted out that cause me to punch the first Bob I see and run.
"GET HIM!"
I take off, heading down the main street as different people of all shapes and sizes start chasing after me. Soon I realise that everyone in town is after me. The whole town has turned into Bobs. But soon I admit, I'm fucking trapped. And between a rock and a hard place is not a good enough expression to explain this one.
It's either I stay out here and become a Bob too, or I turn around and enter the………………………..the…………………….the…………………….VARGAS PLAZA! Home to the inbreds and the racists. I take a deep breath and decide my fate then and there. I turn around and enter the Vargas Plaza.
Straight away, I can smell the scent of incestual love. For those of you who don't know what that smells like, it's distinct. If you know of incestual people, the lovemaking scent is like none other, and this Vargas Plaza is full of it. It takes every ounce of strength and ego to muster on through and not turn back and bite the bullet. Maybe Bob isn't that bad?
What the fuck am I saying? No name is worse. Other than Chad. Or Rick. So I fight my way through the inbred. The constant banging that goes on in there is just excruciating. And the amount of mentally disabled (due to PC reasons) kids you run into is beyond the level you could ever expect. But, once I'm through, I find what appears to be a lovely looking church—a church in the middle of Vargas Plaza. There must be someone good in this place.
I enter the Church, and it's immaculate. Everything is neat, clean, bright. It all looks expensive. All the money that went into this plaza all must've ended up here, in this Church. And it seems like I now have a chance to think. To pray. To ponder what is to come.
Whether it's that now, I will go by the name BOB. Or is PerZag finally going to become one with religion. Ah, fuck it, I'll give it a try.
I get down on my knees and put my hands together to pray—something I have never done before. I'm so caught up in the moment; I start saying everything aloud.
"God. You and I, we don't see eye-to-eye, but we don't know each other very well either. We've never had a conversation, we've never communicated in any way before, but here I am giving it a try. I'm not asking for anything. Maybe a tad bit of guidance. I'm in a dilemma here. BOBS run over my hometown, and that's the devil's name, you know. One that he created.
But see, I don't know what to do. I cannot stay and save my town. I have to go and fight. Fight Chad Vargas, the racist, ignorant, sexist, cunt. And I have to battle Miss Fury. The hot, sexy, but used to be a dude, chick, so you know, you just wouldn't tap that. But, the Graves before, used to be my friend. Not the male one, the uh, female one. We were Twitter friends. So can I destroy her the way I am going to destroy Chad?
Or do I need to be friendly and give her a fair fight? I don't know. He, she, shim, I don't know what to call it anymore. But either way, some guidance could be excellent right now.
Plus, what the fuck is a Climb The Rockies Ladder Match anyhow? Do I need to climb a rock ladder? One that's made out of rocks. Or is it made out of Dwayne Johnson's? See what I did there? Yeah, I know, silence. It was a shit joke.
But whatever this Climb The Rockies part is, it's a ladder match. I will climb to the top of this rocky ladder, and grab the Golden Opportunity hanging above for myself. It's no good for the World Championship, but so be it. A title's a title. All of that is clear to me. The match I must win. The Golden Opportunity I must have. A Chad Vargas beatdown I must undertake. But, with Miss Fury, that's another thing.
I'm used to love, not war when it comes to women. So God, what shall I do?"
I sit there hands still together when a voice booms throughout the Church.
"You must smack that bitch around and make her make you a sandwich."
"God?" I question, bewildered at the response.
"Not God, my son."
I realise the voice is coming behind me, so I turn my head around to see a man. A holy man, I might add. He's dressed in a lovely white cloak that is covering him from neck to toe. His blonde hair looks about as good as mine, but not as good cause nobody can beat my mane. But his blue eyes is what catches my attention the most. They look so calm, peaceful, friendly. And then his voice ruins it all.
"No, my son. Not God himself, but a vessel for which he speaks through. And he says, make her, make you, a sandwich. Get her in the kitchen, and make you a sandwich."
I look at the man, stunned. This isn't the right God. I take a deep breath and respond.
"That doesn't sound like THE God. Not the Christian one. Who are you?"
"I am the leader of the Chadonites. The vessel of our one TRUE God. CHAD FUCKING VARGAS!"
My eyes pop out of my head as I turn and stare at my hands. The hands I placed together to pray to the God of this Church. The hands that prayed to Chad Vargas. I stand up as quick as I am able and dart out of the Church, bumping the vessel of the Chadonites along the way. I exit the Church as I can hear his voice screaming 'WHITE POWER' at the top of his lungs. People around me start to stir, turning their attention towards me.
There's too many of them. Too many Chadonites to fight through. So there was one thing I knew I had to do. And it was those five words that blasted through my brain……….
FUCKING RUN AND FUCKING HIDE!
WHAT IS PERZAG GOING TO DO NEXT? WILL HE JOIN THE BOBS? WILL HE FIGHT OFF THE CHADONITES? WILL HE DECIDE TO NUKE THE TOWN AND FINISH IT ALL OFF IN ONE FINAL BLOW? THE TALES OF PERZAG WILL CONTINUE SHORTLY IN ANOTHER EDITION OF THE VARGAS PLAZA AND THE BOBS!
OOC: Tried something different again. Tried a first person-thing. Hopefully it was alright. I enjoyed it. But, either way, my WORD COUNT according to Google Docs is 2165 words. So it should be under the 250 word buffer again. Anyhow, I hope people enjoyed this.
I don't care what he said on Twitter; I didn't spill any fucking coffee. He was just pissed that I can go seventy minutes in bed instead of his measly sixty seconds. He knows it, and those that have been with him knows it. Fuck off with your spilling coffee lies.
Anyhow, AQ doesn't matter now. He's fighting for the Television title, of course, he doesn't matter. What's the saying, 'I have bigger fish to fry'. And the bigger fish being Chad Vargas and……………………..
Ah shit, I got the saying wrong. Chad fucking Vargas, if he's a BIG FISH in any company ever again it must be some Ku Klux Klan endorsed fed. He will never ever be relevant again. At least with Miss Fury…………………….
Ugh, what am I saying? Miss Fury, I don't know if she's worth anything either. At least Graves was my friend. I mean female Graves, not the male one. I don't know what's going on with that trio or person or I have no fucking clue what to call them. That gender meshed, surprisingly attractive, which makes me want to spew, thang, is just so hard to configure.
But with this match on the horizon and only just days away, along with the fact that last week went nowhere near to plan, I knew there was one thing left to do. And sometimes you need to go backwards to go forwards, and I knew that returning home was the way to go.
So earlier in the week that was where I had gone. Home. The distant town where I grew up. The town of Benalla. It's not the same as it used to be. Not when I was a child. They turned the place into a town dedicating me. And it's fucking magnificent.
There I was, driving along the main street, staring at all the different plazas going by. The Grenier Plaza (full of hobos and druggos), The Perfect Plaza (where everything is perfect), The Incredible Plaza (which was founded in 2020 during the Manifest Destiny 2 tournament), and the many, many more that have been created in honour of PerZag (the greatest export the town has ever had).
Either way, there I was, heading down the main street in the back of a limousine because there isn't any other way to travel for someone as spectacular as I. After the long plane flight along with the travel, I knew I needed a break. And what better way than to have a walk around the Worthy Plaza, where everything is Worthy.
The limousine pulled over, and I waited as I could hear the chauffeur get out from his driver's seat and walk down to the end of the limousine. He opens the door for me, cause you know, I cannot do it for myself. Limousines these days use adult locks along with child locks so that you are forced to tip your chauffeur. So that's what I do as I get up out of the limousine. I hand him a measly dollar as a tip. Fuck him for trying to get more out of me. Asshole.
He looks at me with disgust as he slams the door shut, angry. I'm not sure why he's angry, but he is. I ignore him, anyhow, as I head towards the front doors of the Worthy Plaza. But I'm stopped by a hand placed calmly on my right shoulder. I turn around as the chauffeur is staring at me.
"Don't you think you owe me more of a tip than that? I drove you for a couple of hours from the airport to get here."
I shake my head 'no'. Before replying, "I would if you fucking let me get out of the car myself. Some of us may like to ride in style, but I'm not fucking useless. I can open the door myself."
"I thought that might've been easier for you."
"No, it's fucking lazy," I replied. "You should think better of me seeing as I am the greatest export this town has ever had."
The man's expression changes. Is that hatred in his eyes? Hate is one of those things I don't see in people. It's usually love, lust or that eye-bulging look when they realise that it's bigger than they ever expected. But, hatred. Nobody 'hates' me. They all secretly love me and try to cover it up. I can always see that.
"So, you're 'him'."
The way he says 'him' turns my stomach sideways. This guy despises me.
"Hey, ah, are you okay?"
He ignores my question staring at the people who I am now realising are starting to surround me. I look around at about twelve to fifteen different people, all shapes and sizes as they all stare at me with the same hatred.
"WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU PEOPLE?"
I shout at them, starting to get a little pissed off.
"We are THE BOBS!" one of them responds.
"The Bobs?" I say, questioning them.
"We are the new power here. Everybody is changing their names to Bob."
"What? Just Bob."
They all nod their heads in unison.
"Even women?"
They all nod again.
"Doesn't that make things confusing?"
They nod again.
"But it doesn't matter. We are all Bobs now. We are one; we are many, we are all. The Bobs rule this town now, and you, PerZag, will now become a Bob."
I can feel the vomit hit the back of my throat, but I fight hard to keep it down.
"Anything but the name Bob."
"What about Chad?" one of them asks.
I couldn't hold it that time; the vomit flew out of my mouth, hitting one of the Bobs square in the face. The Bobs turn to look at their vomit-covered brethren, before all turning back to PerZag as one. And then two words are shouted out that cause me to punch the first Bob I see and run.
"GET HIM!"
I take off, heading down the main street as different people of all shapes and sizes start chasing after me. Soon I realise that everyone in town is after me. The whole town has turned into Bobs. But soon I admit, I'm fucking trapped. And between a rock and a hard place is not a good enough expression to explain this one.
It's either I stay out here and become a Bob too, or I turn around and enter the………………………..the…………………….the…………………….VARGAS PLAZA! Home to the inbreds and the racists. I take a deep breath and decide my fate then and there. I turn around and enter the Vargas Plaza.
Straight away, I can smell the scent of incestual love. For those of you who don't know what that smells like, it's distinct. If you know of incestual people, the lovemaking scent is like none other, and this Vargas Plaza is full of it. It takes every ounce of strength and ego to muster on through and not turn back and bite the bullet. Maybe Bob isn't that bad?
What the fuck am I saying? No name is worse. Other than Chad. Or Rick. So I fight my way through the inbred. The constant banging that goes on in there is just excruciating. And the amount of mentally disabled (due to PC reasons) kids you run into is beyond the level you could ever expect. But, once I'm through, I find what appears to be a lovely looking church—a church in the middle of Vargas Plaza. There must be someone good in this place.
I enter the Church, and it's immaculate. Everything is neat, clean, bright. It all looks expensive. All the money that went into this plaza all must've ended up here, in this Church. And it seems like I now have a chance to think. To pray. To ponder what is to come.
Whether it's that now, I will go by the name BOB. Or is PerZag finally going to become one with religion. Ah, fuck it, I'll give it a try.
I get down on my knees and put my hands together to pray—something I have never done before. I'm so caught up in the moment; I start saying everything aloud.
"God. You and I, we don't see eye-to-eye, but we don't know each other very well either. We've never had a conversation, we've never communicated in any way before, but here I am giving it a try. I'm not asking for anything. Maybe a tad bit of guidance. I'm in a dilemma here. BOBS run over my hometown, and that's the devil's name, you know. One that he created.
But see, I don't know what to do. I cannot stay and save my town. I have to go and fight. Fight Chad Vargas, the racist, ignorant, sexist, cunt. And I have to battle Miss Fury. The hot, sexy, but used to be a dude, chick, so you know, you just wouldn't tap that. But, the Graves before, used to be my friend. Not the male one, the uh, female one. We were Twitter friends. So can I destroy her the way I am going to destroy Chad?
Or do I need to be friendly and give her a fair fight? I don't know. He, she, shim, I don't know what to call it anymore. But either way, some guidance could be excellent right now.
Plus, what the fuck is a Climb The Rockies Ladder Match anyhow? Do I need to climb a rock ladder? One that's made out of rocks. Or is it made out of Dwayne Johnson's? See what I did there? Yeah, I know, silence. It was a shit joke.
But whatever this Climb The Rockies part is, it's a ladder match. I will climb to the top of this rocky ladder, and grab the Golden Opportunity hanging above for myself. It's no good for the World Championship, but so be it. A title's a title. All of that is clear to me. The match I must win. The Golden Opportunity I must have. A Chad Vargas beatdown I must undertake. But, with Miss Fury, that's another thing.
I'm used to love, not war when it comes to women. So God, what shall I do?"
I sit there hands still together when a voice booms throughout the Church.
"You must smack that bitch around and make her make you a sandwich."
"God?" I question, bewildered at the response.
"Not God, my son."
I realise the voice is coming behind me, so I turn my head around to see a man. A holy man, I might add. He's dressed in a lovely white cloak that is covering him from neck to toe. His blonde hair looks about as good as mine, but not as good cause nobody can beat my mane. But his blue eyes is what catches my attention the most. They look so calm, peaceful, friendly. And then his voice ruins it all.
"No, my son. Not God himself, but a vessel for which he speaks through. And he says, make her, make you, a sandwich. Get her in the kitchen, and make you a sandwich."
I look at the man, stunned. This isn't the right God. I take a deep breath and respond.
"That doesn't sound like THE God. Not the Christian one. Who are you?"
"I am the leader of the Chadonites. The vessel of our one TRUE God. CHAD FUCKING VARGAS!"
My eyes pop out of my head as I turn and stare at my hands. The hands I placed together to pray to the God of this Church. The hands that prayed to Chad Vargas. I stand up as quick as I am able and dart out of the Church, bumping the vessel of the Chadonites along the way. I exit the Church as I can hear his voice screaming 'WHITE POWER' at the top of his lungs. People around me start to stir, turning their attention towards me.
There's too many of them. Too many Chadonites to fight through. So there was one thing I knew I had to do. And it was those five words that blasted through my brain……….
FUCKING RUN AND FUCKING HIDE!
WHAT IS PERZAG GOING TO DO NEXT? WILL HE JOIN THE BOBS? WILL HE FIGHT OFF THE CHADONITES? WILL HE DECIDE TO NUKE THE TOWN AND FINISH IT ALL OFF IN ONE FINAL BLOW? THE TALES OF PERZAG WILL CONTINUE SHORTLY IN ANOTHER EDITION OF THE VARGAS PLAZA AND THE BOBS!
OOC: Tried something different again. Tried a first person-thing. Hopefully it was alright. I enjoyed it. But, either way, my WORD COUNT according to Google Docs is 2165 words. So it should be under the 250 word buffer again. Anyhow, I hope people enjoyed this.
