OUT OF TIME BECAUSE I FELL ASLEEP WHILE WRITING ON MY PHONE
Feb 3, 2021 23:56:08 GMT -6
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Post by James Raven on Feb 3, 2021 23:56:08 GMT -6
JEREMY SILVER: … James?
His voice barely registers to me as I stare at a void on the wall. There should be a picture or something there, something to fill up the empty space. The gap was distracting. It was like it was screaming out to me “hey, look over here! I’m empty! Check out my void!”.
OK. Maybe I’m projecting a bit here.
JEREMY SILVER: James, are you even paying attention?
Again I ignore him, his voice mildly annoying like a circling fly. I continue to stare at the blank wall like it’s a floor to ceiling mirror, it’s emptiness reflecting me plainly. Voids come with loss. Everyone has dealt with it, in one way or another. Whether it’s a death in the family, a loss of a lover, defeat in competition, or failure in an endeavour... theres a hollowness that follows as you realize things are not the same as they were and never will be again.
JEREMY SILVER: JAMES!
He slaps his hands together inches in front of my face, breaking me out of my trance as I turn my focus over to him. He stares at me in total confusion before motioning to the speaker phone on the desk between us. He grins, trying to lighten the mood and salvage the call.
JEREMY SILVER: Sorry buddy, were we boring you?
JAMES RAVEN: Yeah. A little bit.
JEREMY SILVER: … what the fuc-
“I’m sorry, what did he say?”
“Yeah, did he just say we’re boring him?”
The voices crackle out of the phone, clearly agitated by my response.
JEREMY SILVER: Of course not! He said of course not! We must have a bad connection here, why don’t we take a break so I can check things out here and I’ll call you back in ten!
“I don’t think tha-”
JEREMY SILVER: Great! Talk soon, guys!
He quickly disconnects the call and looks at me with wide eyes. He practically has smoke pouring from his ears as he shakes his fists wildly in the air.
JEREMY SILVER: Why in the FUCK would you say that?!
JAMES RAVEN: Because you asked me the question.
JEREMY SILVER: So then FUCKING LIE! Say some charming bull shit! Cover up for the fact that you’re blatantly disrespecting everybody else's goddamn time!
I point a finger in his direction.
JAMES RAVEN: I thought that was why I paid you?
JEREMY SILVER: Well you don’t pay me shit when we don’t close deals, and this particular deal is one we’ve been circling for months now… you dick…
I shrug my shoulders indifferently.
JAMES RAVEN: Which deal is it again?
He stares at me, expressionless for a moment before bursting into an uncontrollable rage. He slams his fist down on the highly polished desktop, the speaker phone bouncing up in the air an inch or two.
JEREMY SILVER: Which deal is it? WHICH DEAL?! Fuck it, Raven. Just go home. Honestly, just get out of here.
JAMES RAVEN: It’s fine. Call those guys back. We’ll get this done.
JEREMY SILVER: You have no idea what “this” even is. I’m not letting you waste any more of their time, or mine. I’ll tell them something came up and you had to leave and we’ll reschedule. I’m telling you though, not even as your manager, but as your friend and as someone that has known you for your entire professional life… you need to get your shit together.
His words hang suspended in the suddenly frigid air of his office. I wait for him to continue, but he doesn’t, and so I press him.
JAMES RAVEN: Excuse me?
JEREMY SILVER: You heard what I said. Pull your head out of your ass and get it together. You’ve been basically useless for six weeks now, and it’s not hard to connect the dots as to why.
JAMES RAVEN: Oh, really? You have everything all figured out, huh?
JEREMY SILVER: Betsy told me you haven’t been yourself since Christmas. Am I supposed to believe that it’s a coincidence that you lost the title to Mack that same week?
I nod my head slowly, my fists balling at my sides as I stand up out of my chair and stare over the desk at Jeremy.
JAMES RAVEN: Yeah. You are.
JEREMY SILVER: That’s bull shit. You’re not the first person to lose a world title, dude.
Of course I’m not. Hell, I myself have lost a bunch of them before… it’s an occupational hazard if winning them in the first place.
JAMES RAVEN: This isn’t about Mack, and this isn’t about the World title.
JEREMY SILVER: Sure. Whether it is or isn’t… get your shit together. Betsy, Warstein, Jackson Hart… everyone sees whats happening here, and it’s affecting everyone.
JAMES RAVEN: How often are you all talking about me behind my back?
JEREMY SILVER: We all talk, and yeah, we talk about you when we’re concerned that you took a loss too hard and you’re not being yourself. You need to get back in the ring, James. This time off to dwell on things hasn’t helped you and you need to get your mind on business again. Get back in the saddle, and you’ll feel better before you know it. You’ll have a rematch with Mack before you know it. I’ll get you booked.
JAMES RAVEN: I don’t care about Mack. You’re not listening to me. I don’t care about being booked.
I focus on the blank spot on the wall. That big, attention grabbing void…
JEREMY SILVER: Yeah. Not caring is exactly the problem. Get it together, James! Now go home.
There’s no point explaining myself.
There’s no need to.
Loss can fuck you up, and leave you emptied and hollow… but theres more than one type of loss…
… and I’m out of time.
His voice barely registers to me as I stare at a void on the wall. There should be a picture or something there, something to fill up the empty space. The gap was distracting. It was like it was screaming out to me “hey, look over here! I’m empty! Check out my void!”.
OK. Maybe I’m projecting a bit here.
JEREMY SILVER: James, are you even paying attention?
Again I ignore him, his voice mildly annoying like a circling fly. I continue to stare at the blank wall like it’s a floor to ceiling mirror, it’s emptiness reflecting me plainly. Voids come with loss. Everyone has dealt with it, in one way or another. Whether it’s a death in the family, a loss of a lover, defeat in competition, or failure in an endeavour... theres a hollowness that follows as you realize things are not the same as they were and never will be again.
JEREMY SILVER: JAMES!
He slaps his hands together inches in front of my face, breaking me out of my trance as I turn my focus over to him. He stares at me in total confusion before motioning to the speaker phone on the desk between us. He grins, trying to lighten the mood and salvage the call.
JEREMY SILVER: Sorry buddy, were we boring you?
JAMES RAVEN: Yeah. A little bit.
JEREMY SILVER: … what the fuc-
“I’m sorry, what did he say?”
“Yeah, did he just say we’re boring him?”
The voices crackle out of the phone, clearly agitated by my response.
JEREMY SILVER: Of course not! He said of course not! We must have a bad connection here, why don’t we take a break so I can check things out here and I’ll call you back in ten!
“I don’t think tha-”
JEREMY SILVER: Great! Talk soon, guys!
He quickly disconnects the call and looks at me with wide eyes. He practically has smoke pouring from his ears as he shakes his fists wildly in the air.
JEREMY SILVER: Why in the FUCK would you say that?!
JAMES RAVEN: Because you asked me the question.
JEREMY SILVER: So then FUCKING LIE! Say some charming bull shit! Cover up for the fact that you’re blatantly disrespecting everybody else's goddamn time!
I point a finger in his direction.
JAMES RAVEN: I thought that was why I paid you?
JEREMY SILVER: Well you don’t pay me shit when we don’t close deals, and this particular deal is one we’ve been circling for months now… you dick…
I shrug my shoulders indifferently.
JAMES RAVEN: Which deal is it again?
He stares at me, expressionless for a moment before bursting into an uncontrollable rage. He slams his fist down on the highly polished desktop, the speaker phone bouncing up in the air an inch or two.
JEREMY SILVER: Which deal is it? WHICH DEAL?! Fuck it, Raven. Just go home. Honestly, just get out of here.
JAMES RAVEN: It’s fine. Call those guys back. We’ll get this done.
JEREMY SILVER: You have no idea what “this” even is. I’m not letting you waste any more of their time, or mine. I’ll tell them something came up and you had to leave and we’ll reschedule. I’m telling you though, not even as your manager, but as your friend and as someone that has known you for your entire professional life… you need to get your shit together.
His words hang suspended in the suddenly frigid air of his office. I wait for him to continue, but he doesn’t, and so I press him.
JAMES RAVEN: Excuse me?
JEREMY SILVER: You heard what I said. Pull your head out of your ass and get it together. You’ve been basically useless for six weeks now, and it’s not hard to connect the dots as to why.
JAMES RAVEN: Oh, really? You have everything all figured out, huh?
JEREMY SILVER: Betsy told me you haven’t been yourself since Christmas. Am I supposed to believe that it’s a coincidence that you lost the title to Mack that same week?
I nod my head slowly, my fists balling at my sides as I stand up out of my chair and stare over the desk at Jeremy.
JAMES RAVEN: Yeah. You are.
JEREMY SILVER: That’s bull shit. You’re not the first person to lose a world title, dude.
Of course I’m not. Hell, I myself have lost a bunch of them before… it’s an occupational hazard if winning them in the first place.
JAMES RAVEN: This isn’t about Mack, and this isn’t about the World title.
JEREMY SILVER: Sure. Whether it is or isn’t… get your shit together. Betsy, Warstein, Jackson Hart… everyone sees whats happening here, and it’s affecting everyone.
JAMES RAVEN: How often are you all talking about me behind my back?
JEREMY SILVER: We all talk, and yeah, we talk about you when we’re concerned that you took a loss too hard and you’re not being yourself. You need to get back in the ring, James. This time off to dwell on things hasn’t helped you and you need to get your mind on business again. Get back in the saddle, and you’ll feel better before you know it. You’ll have a rematch with Mack before you know it. I’ll get you booked.
JAMES RAVEN: I don’t care about Mack. You’re not listening to me. I don’t care about being booked.
I focus on the blank spot on the wall. That big, attention grabbing void…
JEREMY SILVER: Yeah. Not caring is exactly the problem. Get it together, James! Now go home.
There’s no point explaining myself.
There’s no need to.
Loss can fuck you up, and leave you emptied and hollow… but theres more than one type of loss…
… and I’m out of time.
