Post by thegreekgods on May 1, 2021 11:16:05 GMT -6
-zeus and hades are set up outside of a religious convention. WHAT ARE THE ODDS THAT ON THE VERY DAY THEY DECIDE TO PULL ON PEOPLE'S HEART STRINGS IN AN EFFORT TO GAIN COLD, HARD, UNTRACEABLE CASH THERE JUST HAPPENS TO BE A MASSIVE RELIGIOUS CONVENTION WITHIN WALKING DISTANCE. their booth is set up and they have several baskets full of money. there is a photo of Andy smiling and giving them money only a bible has been crudely taped over the image of money-
Zeus: He was a religious man. we were lost souls in need of light when andy found us and gave us a copy of the King James Bible.
Hades: A truly great book. i enjoyed genesis the most.
Zeus: Let us not forget Geometry...that book was great, too.
Religious Person handing money over: Geometry? Don't you mean Deuteronomy?
Zeus: Sorry. I'm dyslexic.
-Zeus hangs his head in faux shame. The religious person, feeling guilty for exposing his affliction, hands over even more money-
Zeus: Thank you, brother.
-More religious people step up. Zeus gets a read on them. He quickly changes photos, showing Andy handing them The Book of Mormon-
Zeus: Yes. The day Andy handed me The Book of Mormon was the day my eyes were forever opened to the realities of this world.
Hades: I cried.
Zeus: And I, wept.
-The mormons, so moved by this declaration, dump hundreds of dollars into the gods cash basket. Zeus and Hades bow but underneath their table, they share a high five. Behind the mormons are a group of muslims. Another photo emerges-
Zeus: Ah, when Andy handed us a copy of the Quran.
Hades: Yes, the Quran.
-They eye the muslims, nervous they might agitate the worshipers...due mostly to their complete and total ignorance of this massive religion-
Zeus: I mean, what more can be said?
Hades: What more NEEDS to be said?
-The muslims smile and dump a lot of money into their basket. Another furtive high five takes place. A group of super pretentious, annoying people approach. Zeus takes a quick guess, revealing a photo of Andy handing them one of L. Ron Hubbard's books-
Zeus: The GREAT L Ron Hubbard
Hades: Great might be TOO small a word, brother. I'd go so far as to call him unrivaled.
-Zeus clutches his heart, bowing his head...but keeping a surreptitious gaze on the Scientologists. They aren't reaching for their wallets-
Zeus: say, brother hades
Hades: yes, brother zeus
Zeus: Did you know that our fallen brother, Andy's thetan level tested off the charts?
Hades: I remember.
-The Scientologists are moved. They rush to dump all their money into the basket. Zeus and Hades thank them. There's a break in the procession-
Zeus: Wow. We're making way more money doing this than we ever did in GCWA.
Hades: Are you saying Andy short changed us?
Zeus: I would never speak ill of the dead, brother Hades. But yes.
Hades: Bastard.
-A familiar face approaches. Zeus and Hades furrow their brows. They lean forward before swaying back with shock-
Zeus: It...it can't be.
Hades: My eyes. They are playing tricks on me!
Zeus: A-a-andy???
-indeed it is Andy. He's very much alive and well-
Zeus: You're supposed to be dead.
Hades: Six feet under.
Zeus: The way of the Dodo.
Hades: Singing with angels.
Zeus: Sleeping with the fishes.
Hades: Sipping Mai Tais with 2Pac and Elvis.
Zeus: Inhabiting Ouija boards.
-Andy raises a hand, shutting them up. Police step forward-
Police: Faking a man's death so you can prey off the emotions of the religious, eh? I may have expected this from Poseidon. But not Hades. And certainly not Zeus.
Zeus: But we REALLY thought he was dead. Zybala is holding a Memorial for him and everything.
Police: You forgot one very important factor.
Hades: Which is?
Police: Zybala is insane.
-There is a pause. The police rush forward, snaring Zeus and Hades-
Police: Come on, to the station. We'll show you how we deal with people who prey on the weak.
Zeus: Hands off!
Hades: I am the god of the underworld. THIS WILL NOT STAND!
-they are dragged toward a couple of waiting police vehicles. Zeus turns around and glares at Andy with saddened, hurt, BETRAYED eyes-
Zeus: Et tu, Andes?
-And they are shoved into the back of a cop car before being ushered to the nearest police station. The money is restored to all the faithful. All is right in the world...except for the fact that we're having a Memorial Battle Royal for a man who is very much alive. But, this is Zybala's world and we're all just living in it-
Zeus: He was a religious man. we were lost souls in need of light when andy found us and gave us a copy of the King James Bible.
Hades: A truly great book. i enjoyed genesis the most.
Zeus: Let us not forget Geometry...that book was great, too.
Religious Person handing money over: Geometry? Don't you mean Deuteronomy?
Zeus: Sorry. I'm dyslexic.
-Zeus hangs his head in faux shame. The religious person, feeling guilty for exposing his affliction, hands over even more money-
Zeus: Thank you, brother.
-More religious people step up. Zeus gets a read on them. He quickly changes photos, showing Andy handing them The Book of Mormon-
Zeus: Yes. The day Andy handed me The Book of Mormon was the day my eyes were forever opened to the realities of this world.
Hades: I cried.
Zeus: And I, wept.
-The mormons, so moved by this declaration, dump hundreds of dollars into the gods cash basket. Zeus and Hades bow but underneath their table, they share a high five. Behind the mormons are a group of muslims. Another photo emerges-
Zeus: Ah, when Andy handed us a copy of the Quran.
Hades: Yes, the Quran.
-They eye the muslims, nervous they might agitate the worshipers...due mostly to their complete and total ignorance of this massive religion-
Zeus: I mean, what more can be said?
Hades: What more NEEDS to be said?
-The muslims smile and dump a lot of money into their basket. Another furtive high five takes place. A group of super pretentious, annoying people approach. Zeus takes a quick guess, revealing a photo of Andy handing them one of L. Ron Hubbard's books-
Zeus: The GREAT L Ron Hubbard
Hades: Great might be TOO small a word, brother. I'd go so far as to call him unrivaled.
-Zeus clutches his heart, bowing his head...but keeping a surreptitious gaze on the Scientologists. They aren't reaching for their wallets-
Zeus: say, brother hades
Hades: yes, brother zeus
Zeus: Did you know that our fallen brother, Andy's thetan level tested off the charts?
Hades: I remember.
-The Scientologists are moved. They rush to dump all their money into the basket. Zeus and Hades thank them. There's a break in the procession-
Zeus: Wow. We're making way more money doing this than we ever did in GCWA.
Hades: Are you saying Andy short changed us?
Zeus: I would never speak ill of the dead, brother Hades. But yes.
Hades: Bastard.
-A familiar face approaches. Zeus and Hades furrow their brows. They lean forward before swaying back with shock-
Zeus: It...it can't be.
Hades: My eyes. They are playing tricks on me!
Zeus: A-a-andy???
-indeed it is Andy. He's very much alive and well-
Zeus: You're supposed to be dead.
Hades: Six feet under.
Zeus: The way of the Dodo.
Hades: Singing with angels.
Zeus: Sleeping with the fishes.
Hades: Sipping Mai Tais with 2Pac and Elvis.
Zeus: Inhabiting Ouija boards.
-Andy raises a hand, shutting them up. Police step forward-
Police: Faking a man's death so you can prey off the emotions of the religious, eh? I may have expected this from Poseidon. But not Hades. And certainly not Zeus.
Zeus: But we REALLY thought he was dead. Zybala is holding a Memorial for him and everything.
Police: You forgot one very important factor.
Hades: Which is?
Police: Zybala is insane.
-There is a pause. The police rush forward, snaring Zeus and Hades-
Police: Come on, to the station. We'll show you how we deal with people who prey on the weak.
Zeus: Hands off!
Hades: I am the god of the underworld. THIS WILL NOT STAND!
-they are dragged toward a couple of waiting police vehicles. Zeus turns around and glares at Andy with saddened, hurt, BETRAYED eyes-
Zeus: Et tu, Andes?
-And they are shoved into the back of a cop car before being ushered to the nearest police station. The money is restored to all the faithful. All is right in the world...except for the fact that we're having a Memorial Battle Royal for a man who is very much alive. But, this is Zybala's world and we're all just living in it-
