Post by maddog on Nov 7, 2019 19:25:22 GMT -6
Tonight, I'm gonna have myself a real good time
I feel alive and the world I'll turn it inside out, yeah
And floating around in ecstasy
So don't stop me now don't stop me
'Cause I'm having a good time, having a good time
Mad Dogs tounge hangs from his mouth, like a dog with his head out of a car window. He's panting heavily, and sweating pure corn liquor, or Moonshine as the non-appilachins would call it. He barks like a dog and howls like a wolf as he chases after the golden ball.
Well, this is what is happening in Mad Dogs head anyway, but not what is happening in reality. In reality Mad Dog is running through the desert, randomly jumping, ducking, hardcore parkouring, and barking like a dog.
Sunny follows along in the pink Cadillac, keeping track of Mad Dog and complaining the whole time.)
Good Lord it's hot, how long is this crap going to last?
(Sunny grabs his phone and says, "Hey Siri, how long does an acid trip last?". Siri responds, "You may begin to feel the effects of one tab of acid within 20 to 90 minutes of ingesting the drug. Although the average acid trip can last anywhere from 6 to 15 hours, most trips won't last more than 12 hours".)
Twlevle hours... JESUS!
Well, I can say this much, those twelve hours aren't going to feel as long as Sunday will feel for Adi and Jorden. They'll open their eyes Sunday morning after dreaming all night of winning the three way at High Rollers. They'll spend all day thinking about the match. Thinking over strategy, getting warmed up and getting stretched out. They will literally spend all day focusing on this match, and then they will walk to the ring and get their asses kicked by the Mad Dog.
I'm sure the wiener Queen knows plenty about three sums, but this is a three way, and I'm pretty sure Carl is a virgin. Needless to say, I'm not worried about Mad Dog winning this one. I know he's in there against a massive man, and a temptress, but ladies and gentlemen this is Vegas and I've placed my bet on Mad Dog, and my free financial advice to you is too do the same. Don't say Sunny didn't ever do anything nice for you, I'm giving you great financial advice, not my fault if you don't listen.
(Meanwhile, in Mad Dog land he is still chasing the golden ball. Mad Dog can almost reach the all, he is so close he can taste it, it taste like Golden Grahams. With a big leap Mad Dog catches the golden ball, hitting the ground tucking and rolling. Mad Dog comes to his feet holding the golden ball and inscribed on it is, "#1 Contender".
Mad Dog smiles, he's proud of himself, but soon a shadow is cast over him. He looks, and it is the bear from before, but this time bigger and standing in its hind legs. Another shadow comes from the other side of him, and he turns to see a blonde succubus. Mad Dog, still in his half man, half Pitbull form, clutches the ball close close to his furry belly.
"GRRRRR!" Mad Dog growls.)
You all want to take this golden opportunity for yourselves, well so do I. I've worked my whole life for this chance, I didn't run off to Jay-Pan when things got tough. My grandpappy didn't buy me a spot in this sport. MAD DOG WORKED FOR HIS SPOT!
You want it, well you are going to have to take it, and just like my AR you are going to have to fight like hell to take it and you'll have to pry it from my cold dead hands. SO YOU WANT IT!?! COME GET IT, YOU SUM BITCHS!
(The Adi Goldblum looking Succubus spreads her big demon wings, and the Lusus looking bear roars. Mad Dog snarls his teeth, showing his K9's. Mad Dog dives at the bear, going between the Lusus bears legs. Mad Dog spins around and bites the bear on the butt. The bear howls and flies into the Adi succubus, knocking her down and crashing on top of her.
Of course, this is all a hallucination, and kn reality Mad Dog is jumping around in the desert dirt. Sunny watches on from the car, astonished and amazed at how crazy all this is.)
What the f**k...
I know this looks crazy, I can't believe it myself, but I know that Mad Dog is going to be ready to go Sunday night. He has slaved away his entire life in the mines and in this sport. He started selling programs for his grandfather, then moved fo setting up the ring for his father, then referring for his father, and finally wrestling. Mad Dogs entire life is this sport, and his entire life has led up to Sunday night and High Rollers.
High Rollers is just the beginning though. After Mad Dog shows Adi the Wright way and makes Carl truly go mad, he's moving on to whoever is North American champion after High Rollers. Now, don't go thinking that Mad Dog and I are looking past Adi and Carl, or taking them lightly.
For one, the word light and Carl don't go together in any sentence or any context, and while Adi is the only woman alive to make more money of weiners than Jenna Jameson, she has shown she has talent. Mad Dog and I know that High Rollers is going to be one hell of a fight, but we also know that no one is more ready for this match than he is. I don't care what Adi or Carl says, I'm sure it'll be some lame joke involving a dog, but I'm sure it will also be how they are the best and they are going to win, and blah, blag, blah.
Hang on, I have to make a call.
(Sunny holds his phone up to his ear.)
Hello, Bullshit. Yes, I'm calling you to confirm that both Adi Goldblum and Carl Lusus are completely full of you. They are, ok thanks bullshit, have a great day.
(Sunny sets the phone in the cup holder, and looks out at Mad Dog who appears to still be fighting the imaginary succubus and bear.)
He might be tripping balls right now, but at least he's getting a good pre-match workout in. I suppose it's better than Carl's training program of hitting the best buffets on the strip. Then again, Adi's program of sampling every type of weiner one may find as a Casino in the late hours of the night. I'm guessing her brand is well aged and a high roller. At the end of the day though, I don't care what Adi or Carl are doing to prepare for Sunday, because I know what Mad Dog has done his entire life to prepare for this match.
Sunday night, Mad Dog dogs render a lifetime of work and dedication to this sport. Mad Dog will secure his chance at championship gold in the GCWA, and Mad Dog will win me a whole hell of a lot of money.
(Sunny gives a big smile and flips the sunglass covers of his glasses down and looks out to Mad Dog. Mad Dog doesn't know he is being watched and hasn't heard a word Sunny has said. Mad Dog is still in his own world.
Mad Dog has the Lusus Bear down, and has mounted him. Mad Dog lifts a large rock above his head and brings it down, bashing it into the skull of Lusus. Mad Dog repeats this process over and over again until the bear is no longer moving.
Mad Dog drops the rock and stands to his feet slowly. Mad Dog turns and is face to face with the Adi succubus. Aside from her giant demon wings, she is beautiful. She gently rubs her hand on Mad Dogs cheek, and whispers "give it to me and I shall give to you.".
Mad Dog holds out the golden ball. The Adi succubus smiles and reaches for it, but Mad Doga words stop her. "One thing though darling. I like a girl with some meat on her bones, and you look picked dry", Mad Dog says. The succubus looks shocked, but before she can react Mad Dog drops her with the Wright way.
Mad Dog stands to his feet, clutching his golden ball and looking at the fallen Lusus bear and Adi succubus.)
Y'all thought I was just some dumb mut, but ya found out this Mad Dog is a pure blooded pitbull. You think I'll be your whipping boy and you'll take the golden opportunity, AH HELL NA!
This is Mad Dogs yard, I'm marking Gee Cee Dub Ah as my territory, and I'll piss all over the trees and fire hydrants, higher than anyone else can piss.
This is my yard, and I'm chasing all the other dags out and making Gee Cee Dub Ah a mad house in a mad world.
Don't ya wanna?
Don't ya wanna?
DON'T YA WANNA GO MAD!?!
AHHHH, RAWF! RAWF! RAWF!
This big dog is barking and Sunday night y'all gonna find out my bite is a hell of a lot worse than my bite. We gonna have ourselves a good old knock down, drag out, tear the roof off the place brawl. I been in bar fights, I've been in wrestling matches, and I just beat a bear and a succubus, I don't give a shit if it's an animal, vegetable, or mineral, I'll fight it.
Call me crazy, but I'm not. I'm just a Mad Dog living in a mad, mad world, and come Sunday night we are all going to GO MAD!
("What the hell is he babbling about", Sunny says as the scene fades out.)
