November Rumor Mill Horoscopes
Nov 22, 2019 8:41:15 GMT -6
via mobile
zybala and The A-List Fixer like this
Post by zybala on Nov 22, 2019 8:41:15 GMT -6
You wanted them. You've been waiting for them. You've been wondering if you would be triggered. These are your Horoscopes.
Aries: March 21 - April 19
Aries, smoking weed and strumming a few coherent notes on your guitar doesn't make you a "musician." It makes you a hippie. No one takes you seriously, so give up. Just…..stop…..please.
Taurus: April 20 - May 20
You are brilliant, Taurus. By comparing Nickleback to the likes of Post Malone and Cardi B, it does make The Back look amazing by comparison. There is a special logic to your madness. Also, beware the color purple.
Gemini: May 21 - June 20
I don't know why you're excited about winning a year supply of Big Bifford's Sandwiches of Chicken. It fucking made of people! That makes you a cannibal…… Aaaand you're still eating it…. You make me sick, Gemini.
Cancer: June 21 - July 22
Why yes, Cancer. There ARE opening in Outsiders Championship Wrestling. My crystal ball predicts that if you join, you'll not only be Outsiders champion, but also win the feud of the year against Lord Alton.
Leo: July 23 - August 22
Fuck you Leo! AEW is the best alternative to WWE out there since '97 era WCW. All because you can't recognize talent doesn't mean you can harsh our mellow.
Virgo: August 23 - September 22
Look Virgo, The King from the Burger King commercials is NOT actually royalty. There is no Burger Princess to try to marry so you can take over the Kingdom of Burgers. It doesn't exist. Give up on your dream.
Libra: September 23 - October 22
You should really try getting into bonsai, Libra. The great thing about plants is they don’t scream when you cut them.
Scorpio: October 23 - November 21
You know what you would be great at, Scorpio? Hosting GCWA Survivor! You could even be better than Pryde!! Talk to Barrows; I think you'll get good news.
Sagittarius: November 22 - December 21
Hate to tell you this, Sagittarius, but the stars say that nobody is coming to your birthday party this year. I know that you already bought a lot of food and booze, but the truth is no one likes you. Maybe it's your racist humor, or shower twice a week lifestyle.
Capricorn: December 22 - January 19
Taking part in No Nut November will NOT give you superpowers, Capricorn. What it will do is cause your wife to cheat on you because you've been ignoring her sexually.
Aquarius: January 20 - February 18
At some point in the coming days Aquarius, you will recall this horoscope’s dead-on prediction.
Pisces: February 19 - March 20
Get the fake tits as big as you want, Pisces. You'll always be flat chested to me….
Aries: March 21 - April 19
Aries, smoking weed and strumming a few coherent notes on your guitar doesn't make you a "musician." It makes you a hippie. No one takes you seriously, so give up. Just…..stop…..please.
Taurus: April 20 - May 20
You are brilliant, Taurus. By comparing Nickleback to the likes of Post Malone and Cardi B, it does make The Back look amazing by comparison. There is a special logic to your madness. Also, beware the color purple.
Gemini: May 21 - June 20
I don't know why you're excited about winning a year supply of Big Bifford's Sandwiches of Chicken. It fucking made of people! That makes you a cannibal…… Aaaand you're still eating it…. You make me sick, Gemini.
Cancer: June 21 - July 22
Why yes, Cancer. There ARE opening in Outsiders Championship Wrestling. My crystal ball predicts that if you join, you'll not only be Outsiders champion, but also win the feud of the year against Lord Alton.
Leo: July 23 - August 22
Fuck you Leo! AEW is the best alternative to WWE out there since '97 era WCW. All because you can't recognize talent doesn't mean you can harsh our mellow.
Virgo: August 23 - September 22
Look Virgo, The King from the Burger King commercials is NOT actually royalty. There is no Burger Princess to try to marry so you can take over the Kingdom of Burgers. It doesn't exist. Give up on your dream.
Libra: September 23 - October 22
You should really try getting into bonsai, Libra. The great thing about plants is they don’t scream when you cut them.
Scorpio: October 23 - November 21
You know what you would be great at, Scorpio? Hosting GCWA Survivor! You could even be better than Pryde!! Talk to Barrows; I think you'll get good news.
Sagittarius: November 22 - December 21
Hate to tell you this, Sagittarius, but the stars say that nobody is coming to your birthday party this year. I know that you already bought a lot of food and booze, but the truth is no one likes you. Maybe it's your racist humor, or shower twice a week lifestyle.
Capricorn: December 22 - January 19
Taking part in No Nut November will NOT give you superpowers, Capricorn. What it will do is cause your wife to cheat on you because you've been ignoring her sexually.
Aquarius: January 20 - February 18
At some point in the coming days Aquarius, you will recall this horoscope’s dead-on prediction.
Pisces: February 19 - March 20
Get the fake tits as big as you want, Pisces. You'll always be flat chested to me….