Post by zybala on Jan 25, 2020 21:51:17 GMT -6
~ The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, it's a beautiful, Florida day in the yard. You know what that means boys and girls. You've wanted it. You haven't seen it since last DECADE for fuck sake!! Fear not loyal Yardie. It's Dystopia time!!!! The yard looks amazing as always. The Mariachi Band/Day Laborers take pride in what they do. As the camera scans the yard, we can see that every seat and bleacher is filled! The Yardies are excited to see all the action that only Outsider's can bring! Behind the bleachers are a few rows of port-o-potties for obvious reasons.
The Mariachi Band is entertaining the fans by playing a mariachi version of "Butterfly" by Crazy Town and somehow making it work. The community coolers are filled with Labatt Blue Beer and Budweiser. The grills are manned by Emilio and The Eastern European, flipping the meat and collecting the money. Fans are getting burgers and hot dogs and sausages. Condiment tables are next to the grills. We take care of our fans. Sitting at the table is our trusty commentary team of Mike Zybala and Dean! They look excited to call the action. ~
Dean: What's up suckas?!? Welcome to another episode of Dystopia! I'm the original Outsider, President Dean! Joined as always by the voice of Outsiders, Mike Zybala.
Zybala: Hello all you Yardies out there. We have three exciting matches for you tonight, including the match to decide once and for all who is the rightful OCW tag team champions.
Dean: But enough of the talking. It looks like both Mitch and Belvedere are in the ring. Let's get this shit started!
~ The Mariachi Band stops playing as Belvedere raises the microphone and is about to start us off. ~
Belvedere: Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome back to another Dystopia! The first match of the evening is scheduled for one fall!
Yardies: ONE FALL!!!
Belvedere: Coming to the ring first.. He stands at 6'2" and weighing in tonight at 215 pounds... from Aurora, Illinois... here is the Good Detective, Jack Puffer!!
~ The Yardies cheer as a super sexy rock hardening version of James Bond's iconic theme "James Bond's Theme" begins to play. The Good Detective walks out from behind the curtain and strikes a James Bond like pose. He waits for the spotlight that he's become accustomed to on Inferno, then grins sheepishly when he remembers that this is the Yard. He walks down the ramp and across the lawn to get to the ring, high-fiving fans along the way. He slides under the ropes and jumps to his feet as his music dies down. He leans against the ropes, waiting for his opponent.~
Zybala: We got Puffer, but who is going to be opponent?
Dean: It was supposed to be my big homie, but then the Suckas that control our t.v. time banned him. We had to scramble to find someone. Nobody in my phone book wanted to help. Buncha bitch ass Suckas!
Zybala: I couldn't find anyone either. I even asked E.E. to find someone. He told me to "forget the worry about it. The star of the biggest kind I will find you." So.. I have some doubts.
~ At this, we can see The Eastern European leave his post at the grill and jogs over to the ring. He calls Belvedere over and hands him a slip of paper before going back to the grill. Belvedere heads back to the center of the ring and looks at the paper. He sighs after reading, then raises the microphone because he is a professional. ~
Belvedere: And his opponent…….
~ There is a few moments of silence. Everyone is getting bored. Puffer looks a little crestfallen about nobody wanting to face him. Belvedere looks annoyed as Mitch lights up a blunt. Fans start to boo until...~
"BIBLE CLUB! FOFOFOFO-FOR GOD!"
Zybala: No way!!
Dean: It fucking couldn't be!!
~The boos turn to cheers as The Bloodhound Gang’s “The Bad Touch” hits the speakers. The cheers get louder as John E. Depth steps out from behind the curtain! He stretches out his arms to proudly display his Bible Club shirt! The fans reach out for high fives as Depth starts to walk to the ring, but pauses and turns back towards the curtain. Depth mimes like he's filming as "God's Girlfriend" Chastity Temple bounces out full of energy and good vibes! The neighbors are gonna call the cops because of the noise of how loud the cheers have gotten! ~
Belvedere: Accompanied to the ring by "God's Girlfriend" Chastity Temple… Hailing from Hollywood, California, representing The Bible Club, he is "The King of Dong Style".... John E. Depth! ~
~ Chastity waves enthusiastically with Bible Club T-shirts in her hands to the Yardies as Depth high fives the fans on his way to the ring. They slide in the ring as Puffer and Belvedere exit. Depth and Chastity drop to their knees in the middle of the ring and fold their hands as if praying. The fans are ready, they know what's coming next. Depth and Chastity both jump to their feet with their arms spread wide!! ~
Fans/Depth/Chastity: BIBLE CLUB, BAYBAY!!!
~ The fans cheer for the unlikely duo of the holy roller and porn director. The music dies down as Puffer rolls in the ring and Chastity exits. Mitch calls for the bell and Zybala hits the cowbell, starting the match. Depth and Puffer circle each other, looking for an opening as Chastity pounds on the mat, trying to rally the fans behind Depth. The two men step up to each other in the middle of the ring. Depth raises his right hand as if challenging Puffer to a test of strength. Never one to back down, Puffer raises his hand as well. Before they lock up, Depth lowers his hand and raised the other. Puffer is confused by this, but raises his other hand as well. Once again, Depth lowers his hand and raised the original hand. Puffer is getting annoyed, but continues to try to lock up.~
Dean: It looks like The Director is afraid to lock up with The Good Detective.
Zybala: No way Dean-o. Johnny Two Wins is just playing some mind games with Puffer.
~ Puffer keeps trying to grab Depth's hands as the two seem to be doing a little dance. Puffer gets really annoyed as he just stomps down hard on Depth's foot. Depth yells in pain as he starts to hobble on his good foot. Puffer tries to quickly grab the King of Dong Style, but Depth counters with a foot stomp of his own. Puffer cries out and starts limping as well. The fans laugh at the slapstick violence as Puffer and Depth hobble towards each other. They start throwing slaps and punches and Puffer starts to get the upper hand until Depth stomps on the bad foot of The Good Detective once again! Puffer falls back on in ass, holding his foot in pain! Depth laughs and starts to taunt Puffer. ~
Zybala: Puffer is in a bad way here.
Dean: That's right, Z-man! Depth is doing his best Annie Wilkes impression and trying to hobble Puffer.
Zybala: Smart thinking. Puffer has been doing nothing but improving since joining GCWA and Depth needs to take him seriously.
~ Mitch checks on Puffer as Chastity yells at John E. to hurry and attack Puffer. Puffer scoots himself to the corner and uses the ropes to pull himself up as Depth stalks him. Puffer kicks at Depth with the bad foot to try and keep him away, but Depth catches the foot with both hands and starts to squeeze. Puffer cries out in pain as Depth keeps the pressure on the injured foot. Puffer tries to take a swing with an arm, but can't reach Depth. Some people are chanting "TAP" while others cheer encouragement for The Good Detective. Jack let's go of the rope and raises his right hand, and with anguish on his face, looks like he's going to tap out. Instead, he crosses his arm over to his left side and cups his left hand with the right. Depth looks confused about this motion as the fans murmur. Mitch, who has a nice high going, looks excitedly at Puffer like a kid on Christmas. ~
Puffer: Kaaaaaa…...Meeee…..Haaaaaaa…...
~ Depth looks panicked as he quickly releases Puffer's foot and taps out. The fans are a mix of cheers and disappointed boos. Mitch looks especially disappointed that Puffer didn't follow through. Chastity is yelling at Depth, who is walking back towards the house and defending himself by saying he didn't want to risk it in case Puffer could do the anime attack. Mitch sadly grabs the arm of Puffer and raises it. ~
Belvedere: Here is your winner via tapout, "The Good Detective" Jack Puffer!
~ Mitch lets go of Puffer, who panders to the crowd, celebrating his win. We cut to what is literally the first ever commercial on Outsider's history. The scene cuts to Jonathan Barrows sitting at his desk working on some paperwork. He looks up at the camera and sighs. ~
Barrows: Watch GCWA. Because we're footing the air time for your silly Outsiders.
~ We cut back to Dean and Zybala, with Dean glaring at Zybala. ~
Dean: I can't mention Bifford, my friend for years, but that Sucka, Barrows, can get away with that bullshit five seconds and call it a commercial?
Zybala: It's all he would do, and he controls the air time. What can I do?
~ The camera person coughs loudly to get the commentators' attention. Zybala and Dean look at the camera, realize that it's go time, and get right back in the swing of things. ~
Zybala: After what I can honestly call was the most unexpected finish in wrestling history, Puffer beats Johnny Two-Wins in our first match of the night.
Dean: I agree with Mitch though. Depth shouldn't have tapped out. I would have loved to see where that went.
Zybala: Me too, Dean, but life goes on and so does the show. Take it away Belvedere.
~ Belvedere is standing in the ring, waiting to do his thing. ~
Belvedere: The following match is scheduled for one fall…
Yardies: ONE FALL
Belvedere: Coming to the ring first…
~”JUMP” by Van Halen hits!!! A bunch of manufactured smoke via a moderate smoke machine fills the entrance ramp. Zybala looks annoyed. Nobody asked to use his fog machine. A loud ‘HAHAHA!’ is heard as a small, rotund figure begins to emerge from within the smoke. It’s TONY THE SPIDER! His circular shades cover his jovial eyes. He’s sporting the signature yellow TONY THE SPIDER spray painted t-shirt. He’s wearing a pair of black biker shorts to go along with an old, dirty pair of white, New Balance shoes. And, let’s not forget, the signature YELLOW fanny pack strapped around his waist. He begins the march down the lawn, jiving his head back and forth like a chicken to the music. He reaches the ring and rolls in under the bottom rope~
Belvedere: Emanating from Sally’s Doghouse…please welcome Tony the Spider!
~ The Yardies cheer as Tony stands up and poses for them, trying to show off his slightly toned physique which he got from HARD TRAINING AND NOT DRUGS LIKE SOME PEOPLE THINK!! The Van Halen song stops and Belvedere continues. ~
Belvedere: And his opponent…. He'll prove you're right, even if you're wrong… this is Louis Pohl!
~ The sweet melody of easy listening 90s jam "Eternal Flame" by The Bangles hits the speakers as Pohl steps out from behind the curtain. He looks disgruntled about the music, but that's what happens when you don't fill out an Outsiders application. He walks down the lawn and ignores the fans. He is carrying a briefcase and slides in under the ropes when he reaches the ring. The fans cheer when Pohl look under the ring and pulls out a table! Mitch looks worried and turns towards Zybala and Dean, who just give him a thumbs up. Mitch shrugs as Pohl has shoved the table in the ring and set it up in the middle. Mitch calls for the bell and the match is underway!!! ~
Dean: This is what I'm fucking talking about, sucka! The lawyer ain't fucking around!
Zybala: Lou Pohl is showing an aggressive side that many didn't even expect from him! Lets see how Tony handles this.
~ Tony doesn't seem to be flustered. He steps around the table, looking to go after Pohl, who quickly holds up his hands. Tony stops and looks on in confusion as Pohl grabs his briefcase, places it on the table, opens it and takes out some papers; which he then hands to Tony with a smug look on his face. Tony takes the papers and reads them. He laughs at what he sees, unzips his fanny pack, pulls out a pen, and goes to work on the papers. After a minute or two, he gives the papers back to Pohl. Pohl scans over the revisions and looks insulted! He slams the papers on the table and starts to do some revisions of his own. He then shoves the papers across the table at Tony, who bends over the table to read. "HAHAHAHAHAHA!!" Tony lets out his trademark laugh as he scribbles on the paper as the Yardies start to boo. The came for a wrestling match, not a contract negotiation! ~
Dean: This shit is fucking boring, sucka!
Zybala: I agree! I had to sit with these guys for the OCW contracts. If I know these two, we'll be here all day before they come to terms.
Dean: Are you kidding? These drunk Yardies might riot of that happens!
Zybala: I think they already have!! They're rushing the ring!!!
~ One of the fans have indeed charged the ring. A skinny, thugish fellow…. Wait! It's Guy Cashe!! Tony and Louis walk next to each other to throw out who they think is an over zealous fan. Cashe steps up to them and starts laying into them with chops! Mitch calls for the bell! While it looks like Guy's throwing his full weight behind the chops, they look to have the same effect of Orange Cassidy shin kicks. Cashe thinks he's lighting Tony and Pohl up though. Tony, getting annoyed, pushes Cashe away from him and on top of Pohl, causing the two men to fall in a flailing heap. Guy jumps up acting like he took Pohl out with a vicious clothesline or something and turns his attention back to Tony the Spider. He tries to charge him, but Cashe trips over his on feet and stumbles forward. As Cashe falls, his forehead crashes into Tony's jaw hard! Tony staggers backwards and fall over the table, toppling it over as Tony falls with it to the mat! Guy regains his footing while holding his forehead and looks around at the men on the ground! The fans cheer because some action finally happened and Cashe soaks it in!! In his mind, he feels like he's the first one to beat The Undertaker at Wrestlemania!! He is the shit!! "Niggaz Jump Up" hit the speakers as Cashe exits the ring celebrating. ~
Zybala: That was….. Something….yeaah….
Dean: While these suckas are clearing out of the ring, let's go to our second ever commercial! Hopefully this one isn't bullshit!
~ Ed Houston is standing in front of a television but not a flat screen. This is the kind of television that would be rolled into the classroom the day before winter break because it was movie day. In fact, this television very well might have made its way to Outsiders after being jacked from a classroom.
Ed has a wide smile on his face as he starts to speak. “I know all of you in the crowd have heard of Rocket Fuel and who could forget the amazing Rocket Bars, but I’m here to announce something that is even bigger than that.”
The television turns on behind Ed.
Houston: “As some of you may remember I once successfully negotiated a movie deal with Universal Studios. There was some talk that my movie would never see the light of day but here it is. Meteor! Pt 2 will get its DVD release in February! If you don’t remember Meteor! Part 1 it’s because there wasn’t one. But I’ve been told people love sequels. So without further ado, let’s see a preview!”
The focus shifts to the television that starts to play grainy footage. The scene that comes on is Ed Houston and a sea of other people. It is a normal day. The sun is out and the sky is blue. But suddenly, the tone shifts! A dark spot is quickly approaching the people. The camera focuses in on Ed. He yells, “METEOR!” The scene features a big CGI explosive before words flash over the screen. METEOR PT 2. They disappear and are replaced by a single word: FEBRUARY.
The focus moves back to Ed. “Check your local Wal-Mart in February. You won’t want to miss this winter adventure!”
We cut back to Dean and Zybala looking at the laptop on the announce table. ~
Dean: At least it was a decent commercial…
Zybala: Are you kidding me? I've been waiting forever for a Meteor sequel!
Dean: It didn't need a sequel!
Zybala: And that is your wrong opinion, and you're entitled to it.
Dean: Let's just go to Belvedere…..
Belvedere: The following match is your main event of the evening and it is for the OCW tag team championship!! Coming to the ring first, he is your special referee for the match, The OCW X Factor champion, "The Lord of Dashing" Lord Allton!
~ "Real Good Looking Boy" by The Who hits the speakers and the fans boo. A few moments pass but no one comes out. Did his wheelchair get stuck in the house? Suddenly, we can hear Allton yelling at someone. This goes on for another minute before the curtains begin to move. Allton walks out! Wait! Walks? It's true, but it's not under his own power. He is tied up to his caregiver Bill, using him like a weird, cheap exosuit. They lumber to the ring and some how manage to get in the ring. Bill calls for a chair. Zybala gets up from the announce table, grabs a near by chair and slides in the ring with it. He sets it up in the corner and Bill quickly sits, ignoring Allton's protests. Belvedere glances at them for a bit before shrugging and continues the introductions. ~
Belvedere: Coming to the ring next...
"And the whole world loves it when you sing the blues... Da. Da.. Da. Da. Da.. Da...."
~The opening sounds of "Godspeed" by Don Trip begins to play as the doorway starts filling up with smoke. We hear Zybala, back next to Dean, bitching about people asking to use his HALLOWEEN EXCLUSIVE fog machine, again… After about a minute of waiting, Duce Jones slowly emerge through the fog, with "Duce" chants coming from the Yardies! ~
Belvedere: Standing at 6'0" and weighing in at 215 lbs... from Memphis, Tennessee... One half of the OCW Tag team champions….. He is Duce Jones!!
~ Slowly making his way towards the ring, Jones shows off his OCW tag title, holding it proudly in the air. He soon makes it to ringside. Climbing onto the apron, Duce goes to the corner to his right, climbing onto the second rope and peering out into the crowd. Finally done, he goes through the ropes and removes his hooded vest, hands his belt to Lord Bill-Alton and goes to stretch in a corner. ~
Zybala: Duce looks as ready as ever tonight.
Dean: No doubt. This Sucka wants to finally put to bed this beef with Uber-Man over the tag straps.
Zybala: I can tell you from first hand experience that Uber is in for a very rough night.
Belvedere: And his opponent…. His secret lair is in Rancho Cucamonga, California. Weighing at 190 pounds of justice, he is one half of the OCW tag team champions and he is your Outsiders World Champion!! He is The Uber Man!!!
~ "Hero" by Nickleback plays as the fans explode with cheers!! They've become numb to Nickleback, and they love the hero. The Uber Man comes out in his hero costume and hold his Outsiders Title high for all to see. He strikes a superhero pose before heading down the lawn. He high fives fans on his way ringside and slides under the ropes. Uber-Man jumps to his feet and strikes another pose with his title held high! He looks Duce up and down with confidence on his masked face. He then scowls at Allton, who is eyeballing the Outsiders title with longing. The music dies down and Belvedere exit the ring. Mitch runs up to ringside and takes the championship belts and puts them on the announce table. He then chills next to Zybala and Dean and sparks up another blunt. Dean rings the cow bell and the match is a go!! Duce and Uber-Man circle before they lock up. ~
Zybala: Our main event is underway! We will finally figure out who is the OCW tag team champions!
Dean: I'm just hoping we don't have another bullshit finish!
~ Duce pulls Uber-Manl into a sideheadlock. He goes for the takedown but Uber slips free, taking an arm and twisting Duce into a rear hammerlock. Duce fights back throwing an elbow at the Uber-Man's face, but he avoids the blow, snaking his head up under Duce's arm and lifting him up for a Hammerlock backdrop! On impact the Uber hops right to his feet and strikes another pose, much to the dismay of Allton. ~
Dean: Uber looking good early!
Zybala: Yeah, but it's too soon to count Duce out.
Dean: Don't count out our champ either, sucka.
Zybala: I wasn't. I'm just saying the match only just started. Relax.
Dean: You relax!
~Duce quickly rolls to his feet, ringing his tingling arm as he and Uber-Man circle one another. The two approach once again and lock up, this time Duce pulling Uber into a sideheadlock and whipping him to the mat. Duce, attempts to pin Uber-Man, who quickly kicks out and they both get back to their feet. The two lock up again, and Uber whips Duce into the ropes. Duce bounces back and leaps in the air with a crossbody! Uber-Man catches him though and drops him down to the mat with the Uber Crush (World's Strongest Slam)!! Uber-Man goes for the cover and….. nothing. Uber looks over at Bill/Allton, who just sit there. Uber calls for them, but Allton simply flips off Uber-Man. Uber gets off of Druce, who was kicking out anyways, and goes over to Allton. He starts to explain what a ref is supposed to do, but Allton yells at Bill to stand them up. Bill grabs the ropes and rises. Allton then pushes Uber away from him. Uber-Man is angry, but doesn't want to risk a disqualification. He turns around to see Duce's knee flying at his head! Duce connects with the Krayzed Knee and Uber is down!! ~
Dean: Krayzed Knee!! Uber is out!
Zybala: Come on! Not like this!
Dean: I agree. Bullshit reffing!
~ Duce covers Uber-Man and Allton yells at Bill to drop to the mat. Bill gets to his knees and Allton makes the quickest Three Count ever!! He then signals for the bell. The fans boo and Duce doesn't look too happy either. A wins a wins, but this leaves a bad taste in his mouth. Allton starts smack talking Uber who is holding his jaw and slowly getting his senses together. ~
Zybala: Well, despite ending on a sour note, that's another Dystopia in the books.
Dean: We'll catch all ya Suckas next time. I'm President Dean and he is Mike Zybala.
Zybala: Until next time Yardies, Good Fight, Good Night.
~Duce leaves the ring, grabs his tag title and starts looking for the other one as Allton is dragged out of the ring by Bill, who lumbers towards the house in hopes of unstrapping Allton before Uber-Man tries to get revenge as the scene fades to black. ~
The Mariachi Band is entertaining the fans by playing a mariachi version of "Butterfly" by Crazy Town and somehow making it work. The community coolers are filled with Labatt Blue Beer and Budweiser. The grills are manned by Emilio and The Eastern European, flipping the meat and collecting the money. Fans are getting burgers and hot dogs and sausages. Condiment tables are next to the grills. We take care of our fans. Sitting at the table is our trusty commentary team of Mike Zybala and Dean! They look excited to call the action. ~
Dean: What's up suckas?!? Welcome to another episode of Dystopia! I'm the original Outsider, President Dean! Joined as always by the voice of Outsiders, Mike Zybala.
Zybala: Hello all you Yardies out there. We have three exciting matches for you tonight, including the match to decide once and for all who is the rightful OCW tag team champions.
Dean: But enough of the talking. It looks like both Mitch and Belvedere are in the ring. Let's get this shit started!
~ The Mariachi Band stops playing as Belvedere raises the microphone and is about to start us off. ~
Belvedere: Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome back to another Dystopia! The first match of the evening is scheduled for one fall!
Yardies: ONE FALL!!!
Belvedere: Coming to the ring first.. He stands at 6'2" and weighing in tonight at 215 pounds... from Aurora, Illinois... here is the Good Detective, Jack Puffer!!
~ The Yardies cheer as a super sexy rock hardening version of James Bond's iconic theme "James Bond's Theme" begins to play. The Good Detective walks out from behind the curtain and strikes a James Bond like pose. He waits for the spotlight that he's become accustomed to on Inferno, then grins sheepishly when he remembers that this is the Yard. He walks down the ramp and across the lawn to get to the ring, high-fiving fans along the way. He slides under the ropes and jumps to his feet as his music dies down. He leans against the ropes, waiting for his opponent.~
Zybala: We got Puffer, but who is going to be opponent?
Dean: It was supposed to be my big homie, but then the Suckas that control our t.v. time banned him. We had to scramble to find someone. Nobody in my phone book wanted to help. Buncha bitch ass Suckas!
Zybala: I couldn't find anyone either. I even asked E.E. to find someone. He told me to "forget the worry about it. The star of the biggest kind I will find you." So.. I have some doubts.
~ At this, we can see The Eastern European leave his post at the grill and jogs over to the ring. He calls Belvedere over and hands him a slip of paper before going back to the grill. Belvedere heads back to the center of the ring and looks at the paper. He sighs after reading, then raises the microphone because he is a professional. ~
Belvedere: And his opponent…….
~ There is a few moments of silence. Everyone is getting bored. Puffer looks a little crestfallen about nobody wanting to face him. Belvedere looks annoyed as Mitch lights up a blunt. Fans start to boo until...~
"BIBLE CLUB! FOFOFOFO-FOR GOD!"
Zybala: No way!!
Dean: It fucking couldn't be!!
~The boos turn to cheers as The Bloodhound Gang’s “The Bad Touch” hits the speakers. The cheers get louder as John E. Depth steps out from behind the curtain! He stretches out his arms to proudly display his Bible Club shirt! The fans reach out for high fives as Depth starts to walk to the ring, but pauses and turns back towards the curtain. Depth mimes like he's filming as "God's Girlfriend" Chastity Temple bounces out full of energy and good vibes! The neighbors are gonna call the cops because of the noise of how loud the cheers have gotten! ~
Belvedere: Accompanied to the ring by "God's Girlfriend" Chastity Temple… Hailing from Hollywood, California, representing The Bible Club, he is "The King of Dong Style".... John E. Depth! ~
~ Chastity waves enthusiastically with Bible Club T-shirts in her hands to the Yardies as Depth high fives the fans on his way to the ring. They slide in the ring as Puffer and Belvedere exit. Depth and Chastity drop to their knees in the middle of the ring and fold their hands as if praying. The fans are ready, they know what's coming next. Depth and Chastity both jump to their feet with their arms spread wide!! ~
Fans/Depth/Chastity: BIBLE CLUB, BAYBAY!!!
~ The fans cheer for the unlikely duo of the holy roller and porn director. The music dies down as Puffer rolls in the ring and Chastity exits. Mitch calls for the bell and Zybala hits the cowbell, starting the match. Depth and Puffer circle each other, looking for an opening as Chastity pounds on the mat, trying to rally the fans behind Depth. The two men step up to each other in the middle of the ring. Depth raises his right hand as if challenging Puffer to a test of strength. Never one to back down, Puffer raises his hand as well. Before they lock up, Depth lowers his hand and raised the other. Puffer is confused by this, but raises his other hand as well. Once again, Depth lowers his hand and raised the original hand. Puffer is getting annoyed, but continues to try to lock up.~
Dean: It looks like The Director is afraid to lock up with The Good Detective.
Zybala: No way Dean-o. Johnny Two Wins is just playing some mind games with Puffer.
~ Puffer keeps trying to grab Depth's hands as the two seem to be doing a little dance. Puffer gets really annoyed as he just stomps down hard on Depth's foot. Depth yells in pain as he starts to hobble on his good foot. Puffer tries to quickly grab the King of Dong Style, but Depth counters with a foot stomp of his own. Puffer cries out and starts limping as well. The fans laugh at the slapstick violence as Puffer and Depth hobble towards each other. They start throwing slaps and punches and Puffer starts to get the upper hand until Depth stomps on the bad foot of The Good Detective once again! Puffer falls back on in ass, holding his foot in pain! Depth laughs and starts to taunt Puffer. ~
Zybala: Puffer is in a bad way here.
Dean: That's right, Z-man! Depth is doing his best Annie Wilkes impression and trying to hobble Puffer.
Zybala: Smart thinking. Puffer has been doing nothing but improving since joining GCWA and Depth needs to take him seriously.
~ Mitch checks on Puffer as Chastity yells at John E. to hurry and attack Puffer. Puffer scoots himself to the corner and uses the ropes to pull himself up as Depth stalks him. Puffer kicks at Depth with the bad foot to try and keep him away, but Depth catches the foot with both hands and starts to squeeze. Puffer cries out in pain as Depth keeps the pressure on the injured foot. Puffer tries to take a swing with an arm, but can't reach Depth. Some people are chanting "TAP" while others cheer encouragement for The Good Detective. Jack let's go of the rope and raises his right hand, and with anguish on his face, looks like he's going to tap out. Instead, he crosses his arm over to his left side and cups his left hand with the right. Depth looks confused about this motion as the fans murmur. Mitch, who has a nice high going, looks excitedly at Puffer like a kid on Christmas. ~
Puffer: Kaaaaaa…...Meeee…..Haaaaaaa…...
~ Depth looks panicked as he quickly releases Puffer's foot and taps out. The fans are a mix of cheers and disappointed boos. Mitch looks especially disappointed that Puffer didn't follow through. Chastity is yelling at Depth, who is walking back towards the house and defending himself by saying he didn't want to risk it in case Puffer could do the anime attack. Mitch sadly grabs the arm of Puffer and raises it. ~
Belvedere: Here is your winner via tapout, "The Good Detective" Jack Puffer!
~ Mitch lets go of Puffer, who panders to the crowd, celebrating his win. We cut to what is literally the first ever commercial on Outsider's history. The scene cuts to Jonathan Barrows sitting at his desk working on some paperwork. He looks up at the camera and sighs. ~
Barrows: Watch GCWA. Because we're footing the air time for your silly Outsiders.
~ We cut back to Dean and Zybala, with Dean glaring at Zybala. ~
Dean: I can't mention Bifford, my friend for years, but that Sucka, Barrows, can get away with that bullshit five seconds and call it a commercial?
Zybala: It's all he would do, and he controls the air time. What can I do?
~ The camera person coughs loudly to get the commentators' attention. Zybala and Dean look at the camera, realize that it's go time, and get right back in the swing of things. ~
Zybala: After what I can honestly call was the most unexpected finish in wrestling history, Puffer beats Johnny Two-Wins in our first match of the night.
Dean: I agree with Mitch though. Depth shouldn't have tapped out. I would have loved to see where that went.
Zybala: Me too, Dean, but life goes on and so does the show. Take it away Belvedere.
~ Belvedere is standing in the ring, waiting to do his thing. ~
Belvedere: The following match is scheduled for one fall…
Yardies: ONE FALL
Belvedere: Coming to the ring first…
~”JUMP” by Van Halen hits!!! A bunch of manufactured smoke via a moderate smoke machine fills the entrance ramp. Zybala looks annoyed. Nobody asked to use his fog machine. A loud ‘HAHAHA!’ is heard as a small, rotund figure begins to emerge from within the smoke. It’s TONY THE SPIDER! His circular shades cover his jovial eyes. He’s sporting the signature yellow TONY THE SPIDER spray painted t-shirt. He’s wearing a pair of black biker shorts to go along with an old, dirty pair of white, New Balance shoes. And, let’s not forget, the signature YELLOW fanny pack strapped around his waist. He begins the march down the lawn, jiving his head back and forth like a chicken to the music. He reaches the ring and rolls in under the bottom rope~
Belvedere: Emanating from Sally’s Doghouse…please welcome Tony the Spider!
~ The Yardies cheer as Tony stands up and poses for them, trying to show off his slightly toned physique which he got from HARD TRAINING AND NOT DRUGS LIKE SOME PEOPLE THINK!! The Van Halen song stops and Belvedere continues. ~
Belvedere: And his opponent…. He'll prove you're right, even if you're wrong… this is Louis Pohl!
~ The sweet melody of easy listening 90s jam "Eternal Flame" by The Bangles hits the speakers as Pohl steps out from behind the curtain. He looks disgruntled about the music, but that's what happens when you don't fill out an Outsiders application. He walks down the lawn and ignores the fans. He is carrying a briefcase and slides in under the ropes when he reaches the ring. The fans cheer when Pohl look under the ring and pulls out a table! Mitch looks worried and turns towards Zybala and Dean, who just give him a thumbs up. Mitch shrugs as Pohl has shoved the table in the ring and set it up in the middle. Mitch calls for the bell and the match is underway!!! ~
Dean: This is what I'm fucking talking about, sucka! The lawyer ain't fucking around!
Zybala: Lou Pohl is showing an aggressive side that many didn't even expect from him! Lets see how Tony handles this.
~ Tony doesn't seem to be flustered. He steps around the table, looking to go after Pohl, who quickly holds up his hands. Tony stops and looks on in confusion as Pohl grabs his briefcase, places it on the table, opens it and takes out some papers; which he then hands to Tony with a smug look on his face. Tony takes the papers and reads them. He laughs at what he sees, unzips his fanny pack, pulls out a pen, and goes to work on the papers. After a minute or two, he gives the papers back to Pohl. Pohl scans over the revisions and looks insulted! He slams the papers on the table and starts to do some revisions of his own. He then shoves the papers across the table at Tony, who bends over the table to read. "HAHAHAHAHAHA!!" Tony lets out his trademark laugh as he scribbles on the paper as the Yardies start to boo. The came for a wrestling match, not a contract negotiation! ~
Dean: This shit is fucking boring, sucka!
Zybala: I agree! I had to sit with these guys for the OCW contracts. If I know these two, we'll be here all day before they come to terms.
Dean: Are you kidding? These drunk Yardies might riot of that happens!
Zybala: I think they already have!! They're rushing the ring!!!
~ One of the fans have indeed charged the ring. A skinny, thugish fellow…. Wait! It's Guy Cashe!! Tony and Louis walk next to each other to throw out who they think is an over zealous fan. Cashe steps up to them and starts laying into them with chops! Mitch calls for the bell! While it looks like Guy's throwing his full weight behind the chops, they look to have the same effect of Orange Cassidy shin kicks. Cashe thinks he's lighting Tony and Pohl up though. Tony, getting annoyed, pushes Cashe away from him and on top of Pohl, causing the two men to fall in a flailing heap. Guy jumps up acting like he took Pohl out with a vicious clothesline or something and turns his attention back to Tony the Spider. He tries to charge him, but Cashe trips over his on feet and stumbles forward. As Cashe falls, his forehead crashes into Tony's jaw hard! Tony staggers backwards and fall over the table, toppling it over as Tony falls with it to the mat! Guy regains his footing while holding his forehead and looks around at the men on the ground! The fans cheer because some action finally happened and Cashe soaks it in!! In his mind, he feels like he's the first one to beat The Undertaker at Wrestlemania!! He is the shit!! "Niggaz Jump Up" hit the speakers as Cashe exits the ring celebrating. ~
Zybala: That was….. Something….yeaah….
Dean: While these suckas are clearing out of the ring, let's go to our second ever commercial! Hopefully this one isn't bullshit!
~ Ed Houston is standing in front of a television but not a flat screen. This is the kind of television that would be rolled into the classroom the day before winter break because it was movie day. In fact, this television very well might have made its way to Outsiders after being jacked from a classroom.
Ed has a wide smile on his face as he starts to speak. “I know all of you in the crowd have heard of Rocket Fuel and who could forget the amazing Rocket Bars, but I’m here to announce something that is even bigger than that.”
The television turns on behind Ed.
Houston: “As some of you may remember I once successfully negotiated a movie deal with Universal Studios. There was some talk that my movie would never see the light of day but here it is. Meteor! Pt 2 will get its DVD release in February! If you don’t remember Meteor! Part 1 it’s because there wasn’t one. But I’ve been told people love sequels. So without further ado, let’s see a preview!”
The focus shifts to the television that starts to play grainy footage. The scene that comes on is Ed Houston and a sea of other people. It is a normal day. The sun is out and the sky is blue. But suddenly, the tone shifts! A dark spot is quickly approaching the people. The camera focuses in on Ed. He yells, “METEOR!” The scene features a big CGI explosive before words flash over the screen. METEOR PT 2. They disappear and are replaced by a single word: FEBRUARY.
The focus moves back to Ed. “Check your local Wal-Mart in February. You won’t want to miss this winter adventure!”
We cut back to Dean and Zybala looking at the laptop on the announce table. ~
Dean: At least it was a decent commercial…
Zybala: Are you kidding me? I've been waiting forever for a Meteor sequel!
Dean: It didn't need a sequel!
Zybala: And that is your wrong opinion, and you're entitled to it.
Dean: Let's just go to Belvedere…..
Belvedere: The following match is your main event of the evening and it is for the OCW tag team championship!! Coming to the ring first, he is your special referee for the match, The OCW X Factor champion, "The Lord of Dashing" Lord Allton!
~ "Real Good Looking Boy" by The Who hits the speakers and the fans boo. A few moments pass but no one comes out. Did his wheelchair get stuck in the house? Suddenly, we can hear Allton yelling at someone. This goes on for another minute before the curtains begin to move. Allton walks out! Wait! Walks? It's true, but it's not under his own power. He is tied up to his caregiver Bill, using him like a weird, cheap exosuit. They lumber to the ring and some how manage to get in the ring. Bill calls for a chair. Zybala gets up from the announce table, grabs a near by chair and slides in the ring with it. He sets it up in the corner and Bill quickly sits, ignoring Allton's protests. Belvedere glances at them for a bit before shrugging and continues the introductions. ~
Belvedere: Coming to the ring next...
"And the whole world loves it when you sing the blues... Da. Da.. Da. Da. Da.. Da...."
~The opening sounds of "Godspeed" by Don Trip begins to play as the doorway starts filling up with smoke. We hear Zybala, back next to Dean, bitching about people asking to use his HALLOWEEN EXCLUSIVE fog machine, again… After about a minute of waiting, Duce Jones slowly emerge through the fog, with "Duce" chants coming from the Yardies! ~
Belvedere: Standing at 6'0" and weighing in at 215 lbs... from Memphis, Tennessee... One half of the OCW Tag team champions….. He is Duce Jones!!
~ Slowly making his way towards the ring, Jones shows off his OCW tag title, holding it proudly in the air. He soon makes it to ringside. Climbing onto the apron, Duce goes to the corner to his right, climbing onto the second rope and peering out into the crowd. Finally done, he goes through the ropes and removes his hooded vest, hands his belt to Lord Bill-Alton and goes to stretch in a corner. ~
Zybala: Duce looks as ready as ever tonight.
Dean: No doubt. This Sucka wants to finally put to bed this beef with Uber-Man over the tag straps.
Zybala: I can tell you from first hand experience that Uber is in for a very rough night.
Belvedere: And his opponent…. His secret lair is in Rancho Cucamonga, California. Weighing at 190 pounds of justice, he is one half of the OCW tag team champions and he is your Outsiders World Champion!! He is The Uber Man!!!
~ "Hero" by Nickleback plays as the fans explode with cheers!! They've become numb to Nickleback, and they love the hero. The Uber Man comes out in his hero costume and hold his Outsiders Title high for all to see. He strikes a superhero pose before heading down the lawn. He high fives fans on his way ringside and slides under the ropes. Uber-Man jumps to his feet and strikes another pose with his title held high! He looks Duce up and down with confidence on his masked face. He then scowls at Allton, who is eyeballing the Outsiders title with longing. The music dies down and Belvedere exit the ring. Mitch runs up to ringside and takes the championship belts and puts them on the announce table. He then chills next to Zybala and Dean and sparks up another blunt. Dean rings the cow bell and the match is a go!! Duce and Uber-Man circle before they lock up. ~
Zybala: Our main event is underway! We will finally figure out who is the OCW tag team champions!
Dean: I'm just hoping we don't have another bullshit finish!
~ Duce pulls Uber-Manl into a sideheadlock. He goes for the takedown but Uber slips free, taking an arm and twisting Duce into a rear hammerlock. Duce fights back throwing an elbow at the Uber-Man's face, but he avoids the blow, snaking his head up under Duce's arm and lifting him up for a Hammerlock backdrop! On impact the Uber hops right to his feet and strikes another pose, much to the dismay of Allton. ~
Dean: Uber looking good early!
Zybala: Yeah, but it's too soon to count Duce out.
Dean: Don't count out our champ either, sucka.
Zybala: I wasn't. I'm just saying the match only just started. Relax.
Dean: You relax!
~Duce quickly rolls to his feet, ringing his tingling arm as he and Uber-Man circle one another. The two approach once again and lock up, this time Duce pulling Uber into a sideheadlock and whipping him to the mat. Duce, attempts to pin Uber-Man, who quickly kicks out and they both get back to their feet. The two lock up again, and Uber whips Duce into the ropes. Duce bounces back and leaps in the air with a crossbody! Uber-Man catches him though and drops him down to the mat with the Uber Crush (World's Strongest Slam)!! Uber-Man goes for the cover and….. nothing. Uber looks over at Bill/Allton, who just sit there. Uber calls for them, but Allton simply flips off Uber-Man. Uber gets off of Druce, who was kicking out anyways, and goes over to Allton. He starts to explain what a ref is supposed to do, but Allton yells at Bill to stand them up. Bill grabs the ropes and rises. Allton then pushes Uber away from him. Uber-Man is angry, but doesn't want to risk a disqualification. He turns around to see Duce's knee flying at his head! Duce connects with the Krayzed Knee and Uber is down!! ~
Dean: Krayzed Knee!! Uber is out!
Zybala: Come on! Not like this!
Dean: I agree. Bullshit reffing!
~ Duce covers Uber-Man and Allton yells at Bill to drop to the mat. Bill gets to his knees and Allton makes the quickest Three Count ever!! He then signals for the bell. The fans boo and Duce doesn't look too happy either. A wins a wins, but this leaves a bad taste in his mouth. Allton starts smack talking Uber who is holding his jaw and slowly getting his senses together. ~
Zybala: Well, despite ending on a sour note, that's another Dystopia in the books.
Dean: We'll catch all ya Suckas next time. I'm President Dean and he is Mike Zybala.
Zybala: Until next time Yardies, Good Fight, Good Night.
~Duce leaves the ring, grabs his tag title and starts looking for the other one as Allton is dragged out of the ring by Bill, who lumbers towards the house in hopes of unstrapping Allton before Uber-Man tries to get revenge as the scene fades to black. ~