Post by rocketmanedh on Sept 4, 2019 10:08:32 GMT -6
I had my first big challenge in GCWA in my very first match. It was a hard-fought battle but I was able to overcome The Lost Soul to move to 1-0 in the round-robin to determine the new GCWA World Heavyweight Championship. That win makes this week, fittingly, as big as it gets. If I win I would at worse force a straight-up championship match next week against Lurr. This is the closest I’ve come to a world championship in years but as my past has proven, it is at this time that I most need to make sure that I stay grounded. In the past, my eternal optimism has proven to be my downfall. I was ready to chisel my statue in the hall of astronauts after our NASA final exam named me a member of the next space team, only to be kicked out of the program a week before. I’ve lost matches to people that didn’t even belong in the same universe as me on a weekly show because I was looking forward to my championship match on the pay-per-view three weeks later. This week I definitely can not afford to look ahead. I face the biggest challenge of my career. In the past, I’ve mentioned metaphorical asteroids ready to strike me and disrupt my momentum but this week if I overlook the Big Bifford he could quite literally crash into me in an explosion that would rival the meteor that caused the extinction of the dinosaurs.
The scene opens up in a bare, cheap, extended living hotel. Ed Houston is laying on the bed, watching television as the early afternoon sunlight provides the only other source of light in the hotel. There is a loud knock on the door and then quick, hurried rattles.
Houston: “I’m coming. I’m coming.”
He opens the door to see a worried Bob Black.
Bob: “I don’t like it here. We need to get you a regular apartment, fast.”
Houston shrugs. “It’s not so bad. It keeps me grounded. But you’re right. We should go look at some today.”
Bob shakes his head no. “No can do.”
Houston: “What? Why not?”
Bob: “This week you’re going to El Paso.”
Houston: “What?”
Bob: “That’s right. It’s a traveling show down here.”
Houston: “It’s been a while since I’ve had to go to different places every week.”
Bob: “I guess that’s just how they do it in Texas.”
Houston: “Well it might be nice to get out of this area for a few days. It was a crazy weekend here.”
Bob: “El Paso might not be better.”
Houston: “Let’s bring the jet ski.”
Bob: “I don’t think there is anywhere to use it out there.”
Houston: “I think there might be. Come on. Let’s hitch it to the truck.”
Bob sighs. The only way he wants the jet ski to be near water is if it’s at the bottom of the ocean. “Fine.”
Houston lets out a smile as the scene turns to black.
The scene reappears seconds later with the same red truck from last week pulling a trailer behind it. It passes a shopping center as the camera follows behind it. It is riding noticeably better than last week. The camera ducks inside the car.
Bob: “Where are we going?”
Houston: “We’re almost there.”
Bob: “This is like a subdivision. I don’t think you’re going to find a place to use the jet ski unless you’re going to use an apartment complex swimming pool.”
Houston: “Unlike you, I’ve done my research on this city. I think I’ve found a place.”
Bob: “Where?”
Houston: “Slow down! We’re here!”
Bob hits the breaks, causing the trailer to swerve and squeal behind him. The camera moves showing a sign for the Franklin Mountains State Park. A vast mountainous desert is visible behind the sign.
Bob: “Um, Ed. This looks like more desert.”
Houston: “It’s a state park! Surely there’s a lake or something here.”
Bob: “I don’t know, Ed.”
They turn in to the park where they are immediately confronted by an entrance booth. Texas might be the freest state but not free enough that you can enjoy nature without paying the cost to maintain it.
Bob begrudgingly pays as an excited Ed looks past him to the park ranger managing the register.
Houston: “This place has a lake right?”
Park Ranger: “Uh, no sorry. This place is basically a desert with some mountains in it. But if you climb to the top, you get a great view of the El Paso suburbs.”
Houston: “Really?”
Park Ranger: “Yes really.”
Bob: “I told you Ed. Do you still want to go?”
Houston: “Yeah. We might as well. We’ll make do with it.”
Bob enters the park as Ed looks upset.
Bob: “What’s the matter, Ed?”
Houston: “I just had this awesome idea, and it required the jet ski. I was finally going to get to ride it. With the plan I had, and the thrill of the jet ski, it was going to be awesome. But I guess like usual, my optimism got the best of me. Should have planned ahead instead of doing a little googling.”
Bob: “What was your plan?”
Houston: “Pull over in a particularly sandy spot. We’ll do it anyway.”
Bob sighs and shrugs. A minute later he pulls off to the side of the road.
Houston jumps out. “Help me get out the jet ski!”
A few minutes later, a panting Bob Black is standing just off the road. He looks down the sandy incline to the bottom of a hill where Ed Houston is standing on the jet ski. He has a yellow shirt in his hand that is so big it resembles a bed sheet.
Houston: “See what I was going to do is put this shirt on.” He slips the giant yellow shirt. It covers his entire body and drapes over the jet ski. In big red letters across the shirt is The Big Bifford. “And then I was going to take this jet ski.” He pats on the jet ski. “And we were hopefully going to an action park of some sort or even just catch a big wave and I was going to try and jump a shark.”
Bob: “You were going to jump a shark?”
Houston: “Yeah, you know. I was playing Bifford, so it would I would have immediately hit the water. I might have even fallen off with a loud splash. Because let’s be real, these things can’t hold Bifford. But it would be like on Happy Days. Imagine the headline Bob. The Big Bifford Jumps the Shark. It would have been a hit. I mean look at what he’s put out the last few weeks. At the very worst you can’t say I’m lying.”
Bob just sighs as a dad walks over to the two.
The dad yells at them: “Could you two please keep it down. My family is trying to have a nice family picnic over there!? And we would appreciate it if we could do it in peace!”
Houston rolls his eyes. “Yeah no problem. We’re done anyway. Come on Bob. Let’s get this jet ski back in the trailer and go for a hike. Texas sure is different.”
Bob sighs but makes his way down the hill.
Ed takes off The Big Bifford shirt and throws it to the dad. “And you can take this. It just might fit you and honestly, you make him seem like gracious in comparison.”
The dad just stares at the shirt for a second before huffing off back to his family. The camera focuses in on Ed and Bob struggling to push the jet ski up the incline before fading to black.
GCWA and Texas are a lot different but The Big Bifford remains the same. Bifford lucks himself into an interesting joke and then beats that joke to death until no one can take it anymore. He can’t win the big matches with that strategy. Look at his record over the past few months. He lost every single gentleman’s challenge to Cecil back in OCW before being embarrassed in North Korea. He beat Lurr over and over again throughout his career before coming in last week and losing. Bifford, his yes man Cheeseburger Eddy, and the poor intern had their chance to be dominant forces but he’s jumped the shark. He’s relied on his size to bully everyone instead of putting in any work. I know what that’s like. I tried to do it in NASA, I tried to do it in OCW, and I even tried to do it in El Paso this week.
It’s easy to rest on your laurels especially when the laurels are the size of the redwood forest but Bifford has stayed up there for far too long. My speed and my determination to do better in GCWA will allow me to out hustle and out tire him. I know that if I don’t constantly stay on my feet, he can flatten me but I will not allow that to happen. I’m ready to inch closer to becoming the brightest star in GCWA. I’m ready to knock out any GCWA originals I have to to become the center of the new GCWA universe. Last week it was The Lost Soul. This week it will be The Big Bifford’s time to crash and burn.
The scene opens up in a bare, cheap, extended living hotel. Ed Houston is laying on the bed, watching television as the early afternoon sunlight provides the only other source of light in the hotel. There is a loud knock on the door and then quick, hurried rattles.
Houston: “I’m coming. I’m coming.”
He opens the door to see a worried Bob Black.
Bob: “I don’t like it here. We need to get you a regular apartment, fast.”
Houston shrugs. “It’s not so bad. It keeps me grounded. But you’re right. We should go look at some today.”
Bob shakes his head no. “No can do.”
Houston: “What? Why not?”
Bob: “This week you’re going to El Paso.”
Houston: “What?”
Bob: “That’s right. It’s a traveling show down here.”
Houston: “It’s been a while since I’ve had to go to different places every week.”
Bob: “I guess that’s just how they do it in Texas.”
Houston: “Well it might be nice to get out of this area for a few days. It was a crazy weekend here.”
Bob: “El Paso might not be better.”
Houston: “Let’s bring the jet ski.”
Bob: “I don’t think there is anywhere to use it out there.”
Houston: “I think there might be. Come on. Let’s hitch it to the truck.”
Bob sighs. The only way he wants the jet ski to be near water is if it’s at the bottom of the ocean. “Fine.”
Houston lets out a smile as the scene turns to black.
The scene reappears seconds later with the same red truck from last week pulling a trailer behind it. It passes a shopping center as the camera follows behind it. It is riding noticeably better than last week. The camera ducks inside the car.
Bob: “Where are we going?”
Houston: “We’re almost there.”
Bob: “This is like a subdivision. I don’t think you’re going to find a place to use the jet ski unless you’re going to use an apartment complex swimming pool.”
Houston: “Unlike you, I’ve done my research on this city. I think I’ve found a place.”
Bob: “Where?”
Houston: “Slow down! We’re here!”
Bob hits the breaks, causing the trailer to swerve and squeal behind him. The camera moves showing a sign for the Franklin Mountains State Park. A vast mountainous desert is visible behind the sign.
Bob: “Um, Ed. This looks like more desert.”
Houston: “It’s a state park! Surely there’s a lake or something here.”
Bob: “I don’t know, Ed.”
They turn in to the park where they are immediately confronted by an entrance booth. Texas might be the freest state but not free enough that you can enjoy nature without paying the cost to maintain it.
Bob begrudgingly pays as an excited Ed looks past him to the park ranger managing the register.
Houston: “This place has a lake right?”
Park Ranger: “Uh, no sorry. This place is basically a desert with some mountains in it. But if you climb to the top, you get a great view of the El Paso suburbs.”
Houston: “Really?”
Park Ranger: “Yes really.”
Bob: “I told you Ed. Do you still want to go?”
Houston: “Yeah. We might as well. We’ll make do with it.”
Bob enters the park as Ed looks upset.
Bob: “What’s the matter, Ed?”
Houston: “I just had this awesome idea, and it required the jet ski. I was finally going to get to ride it. With the plan I had, and the thrill of the jet ski, it was going to be awesome. But I guess like usual, my optimism got the best of me. Should have planned ahead instead of doing a little googling.”
Bob: “What was your plan?”
Houston: “Pull over in a particularly sandy spot. We’ll do it anyway.”
Bob sighs and shrugs. A minute later he pulls off to the side of the road.
Houston jumps out. “Help me get out the jet ski!”
A few minutes later, a panting Bob Black is standing just off the road. He looks down the sandy incline to the bottom of a hill where Ed Houston is standing on the jet ski. He has a yellow shirt in his hand that is so big it resembles a bed sheet.
Houston: “See what I was going to do is put this shirt on.” He slips the giant yellow shirt. It covers his entire body and drapes over the jet ski. In big red letters across the shirt is The Big Bifford. “And then I was going to take this jet ski.” He pats on the jet ski. “And we were hopefully going to an action park of some sort or even just catch a big wave and I was going to try and jump a shark.”
Bob: “You were going to jump a shark?”
Houston: “Yeah, you know. I was playing Bifford, so it would I would have immediately hit the water. I might have even fallen off with a loud splash. Because let’s be real, these things can’t hold Bifford. But it would be like on Happy Days. Imagine the headline Bob. The Big Bifford Jumps the Shark. It would have been a hit. I mean look at what he’s put out the last few weeks. At the very worst you can’t say I’m lying.”
Bob just sighs as a dad walks over to the two.
The dad yells at them: “Could you two please keep it down. My family is trying to have a nice family picnic over there!? And we would appreciate it if we could do it in peace!”
Houston rolls his eyes. “Yeah no problem. We’re done anyway. Come on Bob. Let’s get this jet ski back in the trailer and go for a hike. Texas sure is different.”
Bob sighs but makes his way down the hill.
Ed takes off The Big Bifford shirt and throws it to the dad. “And you can take this. It just might fit you and honestly, you make him seem like gracious in comparison.”
The dad just stares at the shirt for a second before huffing off back to his family. The camera focuses in on Ed and Bob struggling to push the jet ski up the incline before fading to black.
GCWA and Texas are a lot different but The Big Bifford remains the same. Bifford lucks himself into an interesting joke and then beats that joke to death until no one can take it anymore. He can’t win the big matches with that strategy. Look at his record over the past few months. He lost every single gentleman’s challenge to Cecil back in OCW before being embarrassed in North Korea. He beat Lurr over and over again throughout his career before coming in last week and losing. Bifford, his yes man Cheeseburger Eddy, and the poor intern had their chance to be dominant forces but he’s jumped the shark. He’s relied on his size to bully everyone instead of putting in any work. I know what that’s like. I tried to do it in NASA, I tried to do it in OCW, and I even tried to do it in El Paso this week.
It’s easy to rest on your laurels especially when the laurels are the size of the redwood forest but Bifford has stayed up there for far too long. My speed and my determination to do better in GCWA will allow me to out hustle and out tire him. I know that if I don’t constantly stay on my feet, he can flatten me but I will not allow that to happen. I’m ready to inch closer to becoming the brightest star in GCWA. I’m ready to knock out any GCWA originals I have to to become the center of the new GCWA universe. Last week it was The Lost Soul. This week it will be The Big Bifford’s time to crash and burn.