I know all of you fans are concerned for my well-being

Well that's a shame. Not a shame that the baby is fine, god no. I would never wish harm on a baby. I'm glad your baby is fine.

It's a shame that you think that you have any fans, least of all that anyone besides your immediate group of friends and family, give a shit. To quote one of my favorite lines from Scrubs, "Nobody cares, Sean. Nobody cares."

It's also a shame that you're going to have to raise the baby all by yourself, because at Ultimate Survivor, I'm making Dylan and David this generation's Terry Schiavo.